when did you child fall to sleep by themselves?

[WestYorkshireGirl]

Just wanting to hear some experiences to see if I have realistic expectations!

My DD is 5 this week. From the very beginning she was a poor sleeper and would only sleep in our arms so we co-slept till she was 9 months. After a difficult time involving a lot sleepless nights we got her into a cot in her own room. She used to feed to sleep but gradually I got her away from this and stopped BF at 13 months giving her a beaker of milk then she did stories and I put her in the cot with music and stayed with her when she fell asleep as she became hysterical if I tried to get out. This also applied to night waking which was frequent. By about 3.5/4 yrs she started sleeping through a fair bit but continued to be an early riser (5.30-6.15am). At 3 yrs she went straight into a single bed and we started using the gro clock which is often ignored to this day but we do it every night. When she went into the big bed we would continue to do 4 stories with her then a song then put on some lullaby style music. We sit at the end of the bed till she is fully asleep as if we try to leave before she gets very upset. This usually takes about 15-20 mins. We are generally out of her room by 7.15/7.30 PM at the latest. If she wakes in the night we try and get her to go back to sleep and sit on the bed but she is very obstinate. Sometimes this can take up to or over an hour and as we both work f/t we usually give in and she comes into our bed.

One of the reasons she wakes early is she needs a poo and won't do it in her pyjama pants but won't go the the loo on her own. She never goes back to bed when she has been to the loo and comes into our bed and has to lie quietly. At weekends she gets to watch a bit of CBeebies on the iPad for about 30 mins to help us not have such an early start as in the week.

I would like her to go to sleep on her own (like other friends children do and which they did as babies!) and I would like her to be able to settle herself at night. I would also like her to not come into our room when she wakes up so early especially if she doesn't need the loo.

I have have only one daughter so nothing to compare it to - am I being unrealistic?

Thanks!

[FATEdestiny]

That's entirely realistic at aged 5. She has you wrapped around her finger and your daughter appears to be calling all of the shots at bedtime and regarding sleep. You are the parent and the adult, you can be the boss and tell her that while she might like to do X, Y and Z, that you know A, B and C would be better for her so that is what she must do - whether she likes it or not!

[Pico2]

Not very helpful, but...

Our 5 yo falls asleep on her own. If she is struggling then I say I will check back in 5 mins and then set a timer and pop back, only to say that I'll see her in 5 mins again. Quite often I forget to go back, but it is enough for her to know that I'll be back and 5 mins isn't a long time. But she has been going to sleep on her own for years, so this might not work for you.

However she comes into our bed quite often in the night. Mostly we don't wake up, so can't put her back. I think it may be more common than you might expect.

We don't have night time poos. I'm actually a bit surprised that your DD needs to poo in the middle of the night. I don't think that can be all that common. If you think about it, you don't tend to wake up to do poos and even our baby only poos in the day. Once your DD has got you up to accompany her to the toilet, she has got herself wide awake and also one of you. For her it is probably quite a nice chunk of 1:1 time and is actually a bit of a reinforced reward. If you could stop the middle of the night poos, you might get somewhere. Does she generally need the pyjama pants - for proper, in her sleep wees?

[FifiFerusha]

My five year old is the same. At night we have gone from having to lie next to her for over half an hour to sitting next to her holding her hand. The beginnings of gradual retreat but she is probably too old for us to get further away. Like you are probably thinking, we are just hoping she grows out of it.

She usually then sleeps well through the night but if she does wake we just let her in our bed and then, can you believe, I go to sleep in her bed. We also have a 5 mo and don't wont the monitor or his wake ups to disturb her. Interestingly enough he self settles. .i guess I worked hard at this to ensure the same wouldn't happen with him.

But, I understand what FATE is saying. I know we have always spoilt DD. .she was a very high needs baby and nothing has changed since. .or perhaps I didn't let it.

I think Picos advice is also a good idea. I might try it but am also scared she will have a fit ( oh and the nightmare that it would wake DS.

Anyway, just to sat, I empathise x

[Pico2]

We have a baby who wakes really easily too. There is no way I'd risk DD2 waking in the night by letting DD1 cry in the middle of the night.