advice on how to stop 9 YO child getting into bed with us and causing lack of sleep!

[DARREN547]

Hello everyone, please be gentle as i have only just signed up and i am in real need for some advice.

i am struggling with the fact that my OH youngest son (9) wants to get into bed beside his mother almost every night. As it is, she lays beside him when he goes to bed until he sleeps - we both read to him (not at the same time!) but she stays and waits for him to sleep. Almost like clockwork - just after 2 am he creeps round the bedroom door and announces that he wants to jump in! She tells him to get back to bed, calmly and without raising her voice, but there is always resistance and it seems to be getting worse. When he does go back - we eventually get back to sleep and then he is back in again around 5 am, this time he almost always stays (on her side) and plays on an Ipad!! sometime with headphones, sometimes without.....

She split with her partner a couple of years ago, but she said that he always slept in with them because the house was being renovated and there was only two bedrooms ready and both were taken by other family members and that until we got together last summer, she just used to let him get in and be done with it because it was easier than trying to get him back and because he liked the contact.

Also.....to compound it he does/did suffer with some night terrors and a bit of sleepwalking - (its not so bad now and I do think that he is growing out of that) so that makes her more acceptable to having him get in with us. My own child has never got into bed with me/her/her mother unless she was ill, so i do find this a little difficult to deal with, especially the 5 am shift - i struggle to get back to sleep as i am up at 6.45 - 7.00 for work.

I understand that he may be thinking that i am taking away his mother and their time because that is what they have always done, but i don't want it to put an unnecessary strain on our relationship. I wouldn't want her to feel like i am asking her to choose between us as that is really not what i am saying. I don't want to resort to sleeping on the sofa and i don't want any resentment to build up because of it, but broken sleep does make you cranky and sometimes you do say some stuff that you wouldn't on a good nights sleep! I am trying very hard to come up with ideas, plans, gold star boards etc. to help out with the interruptions but so far - its not working.
sorry its a long post - and any help /advice would be greatly received!

[FATEdestiny]

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