Rapid return help

(9 Posts)
wtftodo Thu 07-Jan-16 03:17:36

My 2.3 yr old was sleeping 12hrs a night in her cot from 18-24months, had a few days of playing up then learnt to fling herself out ofcot. So we took the side off, and at first she was ok if we stayed with her while she fell asleep. But it escalated over days and weeks; at six months pregnant I've ended up having to contort myself into weird positions to cuddle her to sleep, sleep all.night on floor next to her, put up with 2-3 hrs of her being awake in the early hours etc... Gradual retreat wasn't working and we were just going backwards.

So I started rapid return tonight but am really struggling. I have the door open, because she throws herself at a closed door like a caged animal. She thrashes and arches and resists physically being put back to bed - she is really very, very strong, as in three men to pin her down for blood tests as a baby strong... And apart from it straining my bump I feel a bit ridiculous dragging her back into bed on repeat as I can't even get her fully onto the bed before she is off it again. It feels like a weird violent tussle?!

So I've kind of left her to fall asleep on the floor by the door..Though she isn't really sleeping so much as resting between kick offs. At bedtime when she finally dropped off I moved her to the bed but she woke up a couple of hours later and has been awake ever since.

Advice pls?! I need to crack this quickly as I'm exhausted, so is she, and I'm so close to losing it. I've done lots of talking to her about what will happen, why, and promised a badge if she stays in bed all night...

Tonight it took an hour to get her down which I can handle but it's been 3hrs since she woke sad

BastardGoDarkly Thu 07-Jan-16 03:23:57

Hello love, god it's awful isn't it? I've got a thread going ATM, well, it's winding down actually because tonight was the 9th night, and I only had to put her back twice, and she was sleep by 8.

Last Monday I was almost in tears with it, thought there was no way it was going to work, my DD (4) takes stubbornness and kicking off to a new level.

But it does work, and you can do it.

Do you have a partner to help with the lifting?

wtftodo Thu 07-Jan-16 11:26:59

Hi Darkly, thanks for replying. I will look your thread up!
It didn't work for us last night. At 4am I took her for a wee after an hour of pleading for a wee and ended up leading her back to bed and sitting next to her holding her hand - but no contact or talking - while she fell back to sleep.
Prior to that, leaving her to sleep on floor wasn't working - as soon as I moved, no matter how long I waited, even to put a blanket on, she woke up and kicked off. Wrestling her back into bed feels too physical / violent.
My partner is in theory up for helping but started a new job this week. He is also both way less patient than me (and I worry will simply shout and undo work) and also at times way softer and will give in and do whatever works.
So... I'm unconvinced. Nothing I've found so far about rapid return says what to do with a phsyically outraged thrashing toddler sad

wtftodo Thu 07-Jan-16 11:27:59

Also it's not the going to bed - I can handle that - it's the wake ups. If she wasn't waking up for hours I'd be happy to still cuddle her to sleep anyway. But equally I can't do rapid return if it's going to be several nights of hysterical wake ups. I'm too close to breaking point already

BastardGoDarkly Thu 07-Jan-16 11:34:03

They're all thrashy and horrible at the start honestly!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2536309-Ok-Ill-try-anything-now-this-is-bat-shit-4-year-old-at-bedtime?

You really really need your DPS help on this though, he needs telling to not talk, not engage, just put her back on the bed, stand at the door for when she throws herself against it again, open door, replace on bed.

If you explain she's a big girl now, bedtimes are going to change, because she needs sleep and so do you, don't mention the baby.

It WILL work, the first week will be hell though, same again if she gets up in the night, first time, take her for a wee, give her a drink, goodnight, I love you, second time.. Time for bed, third + no talking, just putting her back in bed.

It will be exhausting, but will end, what you're doing now won't. And you'll have a newborn.

flowers

FATEdestiny Thu 07-Jan-16 14:47:23

I think she would probably be happier back in a cot. The 'training' being done is then more a case of teaching herself not to fling herself out of the cot. That sounds infinitely more favourable to all than what you are going through now

wtftodo Thu 07-Jan-16 15:21:36

Fate I already replied to your commment on the other thread - but thank you, am prepared to consider this!

wtftodo Thu 07-Jan-16 15:22:33

Sorry I meant to ask, how do I train her not to fling herself out though?! That's what I couldn't understand in the first place hence taking the bars off

FATEdestiny Thu 07-Jan-16 17:18:13

Rapid return is definitely the best for flinging toddlers, and no attention.

Toddler escapes, toddler returned to the cot without getting any positive attention and a stern "Sleep time now, nan night". I would completely ignore the fact that they are cot-vaulting and just focus on the return to bed it is sleep time thing.

If it happens in the morning or when waking it would get a <cross face> and a "No, you must shout Mummy to lift you out of the cot. Now back in you go and I will come when you ask nicely".

Just needs conisistant boundaries of acceptable behaviour. This is a lot to do with the Terrible Twos so needs the same kind of firm boundaries.

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