Screaming toddler every night at bed time

(8 Posts)
amyagnew Mon 04-Jan-16 20:45:16

My son, nearly 2 years old, has complete and utter hysterics almost every time I put him to bed - unless I sit with him. For a long time I have sat with him so that he doesn't cry, and tried to wait until he goes to sleep and then creep out the room without him hearing. But he always wakes up and starts screaming if I leave, and this can go on for hours. It was driving me crazy and didn't seem to be doing him any favours either because he didn't seem able to go to sleep properly with me there. Over Christmas he was awake for long periods in the middle of night and I was sitting with him but to no avail - he simply wouldn't go back to sleep. So I decided to do the controlled crying thing. We had some awful nights where he yelled a lot, but things have improved a bit. But still, tonight for example, I did the controlled crying thing when I put him to bed and it went on for 45 minutes. It's so painful for me and so awful that he gets so stressed. I don't know what to do - if I'm in there, he won't go to sleep properly, but if I leave the room, he will yell for so long. I do the same routine every night - bath, reading, milk, brush teeth, bed. I simply don't know what to do. Any tips?

Meht Mon 04-Jan-16 20:57:26

The only tips I have, is to ditch the bath, could be overstimulating,
I bath DD late morning/after lunch if we are a day off.
If shes had a long day, then its just a hands & face wash.
We do story time after dinner (If she eats well) at 6pm ish.
I have read to bring bedtime forward to eliviate over-tiredness.

I take DD up at 6.45 with a warm bottle & shes usually asleep by 7pm.

I tell her to get in bed & I say goodnight & tell her Im going downstairs to get a drink of water.

BUT we co sleep, so she knows Im going to be there at some point.

Sorry not much help, but just a few ideas.

Meht Mon 04-Jan-16 21:00:55

Has he got a night light OP, or a lullably music soft toy, DD sometimes takes one up with her,
I think I did do quite a bit of laying on the bed with her at one point when she would get teary,

Pipistrella Mon 04-Jan-16 21:05:33

Two is very little still to be apart from you and it sounds like separation anxiety has got to the stage where CC is just going to make it worse.

He needs to be able to trust that you won't leave him. It hurts you and it hurts him and please don't put yourself through it.

Could you temporarily make up a little bed, or a mattress, in your bedroom so that he is near to you? I have a cot-bed in mine, he usually is in my bed anyway, but we use it sometimes - even my 8yo sometimes sleeps in it if he is feeling worried.

I'm not absolutely against some sort of sleep training in certain situations, but really it sounds like this isn't one where it's suitable. Not at the moment.

Sorry you are going through this, it sounds so awful for you as well as for him.

flowers

Pipistrella Mon 04-Jan-16 21:06:57

I'm not saying this is your fault btw. You have clearly been doing your very best. Some children just need us to be near, more than others. No real reason that I can see - mine have all been different.

fruitpastille Mon 04-Jan-16 21:07:49

I've been considering controlled crying but this has put me off! DD v stubborn. I cuddle her to sleep with her dummy in ( have comfy chair in her room). When she is properly asleep I put her down. It takes about half an hour but I read on my phone so it is quite relaxing. I prefer this to the thought of a battle at the mo. Would this work for you? Mostly she sleeps through although wakes v early!

MingZillas Mon 04-Jan-16 22:17:21

Children have another developmental leap (sleep regression) at 2 years old. I think he needs you tbh. I feed and cuddle my 18 month old dd to sleep for naps and bedtime and yeah it can be tedious and a pain in the arse, like tonight it took about 50 mins. Not to mention the messing about! However I just couldn't bear to put my child to bed and leave her to cry. You said it yourself - he's hysterical unless you're with him. I'd just go with the flow.
flowers

amyagnew Tue 05-Jan-16 21:24:02

Thank you so much everyone. It's very helpful to hear your suggestions. My husband actually put him down tonight and he went down very easily. Long may it last.

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