co sleeping and extended breastfeeding-help please!

[eggnog]

I am totally exhausted and p*** off tonight. sympathy and support required.

i have been co sleeping and breastfeeding for 9 months with ds. i really want to keep going with it all until he is 2, but i am finding it hard because:

ds is huge and isnt really very interested in solids yet so i am still feeding really frequently. my bones ache.

i dont have any close friends who do the same thing so i have to deal with a fair deal of critism. i tend to 'smile and wave', i dont get into debates about why i do this, but the lack of support is depressing.

i am really really knackered!

i would love to hear from anyone who has also done this style of parenting and that they have been successful, their baby did eventually sleep through the night in its own bed and it was all worth the effort.

thanks

[QuootiepiesChristmasName]

DS is approaching 9 months, and I BF and co-sleep. From 7 until about 11/12 he sleeps alone and to be honest sleeps better. As soon as I get into bed, he shuffles over and grabs at my boobs. Have you tried sleeping with a top on, or putting baby in a bedside cot... so its abit like co sleeping, but they are away abit from the smell of you etc. DS goes 2-4 sometimes 5 hours now, the longest is when im not in the bed though. I tried my bedside cot for one night, but didnt like being away from DS but if you dont mind not being really close to your DS it might work quite well xxxxx

[Donk]

I used a bedside cot - and was right next to ds (I could put my arm round him!).However he often preferred our bed in the early days. He has (gradually) made the various transitions to sleeping in his own bed in his own room with very little difficulty(in hind sight - some of it felt difficult at the time, because not knowing anyone else who had done this, we were making it all up as we went along!. He is now just 4.

[olittletownofberolina]

Hello eggnog.
My ds is 19 months tomorrow, bf and co-sleeping 'on demand' - he is bf to sleep, we put him into his cot which is next to our bed, and bring him into our bed when he wakes up. For a long time he would wake up 5-6 times a night - oh I was shattered - and when he was about the age your ds is he would wake up several times after being put into bed so we would have more or less no evening. Eventually, when he was around a year, things just seemed to 'click' and now he wakes up once quite late in the night (3 or 4am), occasionally twice, goes to sleep again wth a very quick bf (usually we can even put him back into our bed), and sometimes sleeps through (Conicidentally, it was just before a year when he started eating a great deal more solids, but I don't think the solids and the sleep were necessarily linked - he is still a frequent feeder when I'm around) He's literally never been ill beyond a slight cold, and I'm sure the bf has at least something to do with that (along with luck and with dh and I having fairly strong constitutions which he's prob inherited) - and it's wonderful to be able to comfort him with it - small price to pay for no evenings out It really, really is so worth it

Is there a La Leche League group in your area? That would give you some of the support you miss.

Keep it up! You're doing really well

[olittletownofberolina]

back into his bed, sorry

[eggnog]

thank you quootie. i have a bedside cot, but if i try to shuffle him into into it he wakes and screams. even if he was totally conked out asleep, he will wake the moment he touches the cot mattress. i have put a futon on the floor of the nursery and bf him to sleep in there. he sleeps from 8ish to 11ish and then he comes into bed with us or i sleep with him on the futon (if dh needs a good sleep).

i am hoping that gradually things will get easier over time. i do enjoy co sleeping and miss ds so much when he is not with me in bed, but i deep being told that i am 'making a rod' and it will get harder as he gets older, not easier.

[olittletownofberolina]

eggnog, you're not 'making a rod', really you're not. He will be more ready to be independent later for his needs being met now, and he will sort his sleep in his own time. I know, believe me I know how exhausting and shattering it is, but it is worth it.

[olittletownofberolina]

Have you read 'Three in a Bed' by Deborah Jackson? Would be worth you looking at, I think.

[eggnog]

thanks! yep, no nights out! that is a real sticking point with other people as they dont get that i cant use a babysitter. i hate feeling so attacked over such a small thing. i would also love to go out, but i dont think the sacrifices are much of the problem. it is more the lack of a 'pat on the back' for the hard work. so it is great to have support here and not feel such a weirdo she wolf

[QuootiepiesChristmasName]

I have a bedside cot, that has a mattress part that goes over the bed aswell - its from mamas and papas. Its sturdy enough that I can lean in and BF DS and just roll away when he's done, but it means either staying with one breast all night, or doing some odd positions 1/2 on our stomach to get the other breast to him! But it does mean you don't have to move him.

[hugeheadofangelhair]

Another vote for Three in a bed here. I have breastfed on demand and co-slept with all three of mine (still doing it with DS3, 18months), and I have found that when continuously want through the night it's usually related to teething or colds. In other words, it may last a few weeks but then you should get some rest again (until the next tooth/cold ...

And find something he does like to eat and feed him it before bedtime. A full tummy does help.

[eggnog]

will order three in a bed. was told i was spoiling him today i just laughed it off at the time, but am furious. should i stand up for myself a bit more with other people or just ignore it? perhaps if i got a bit arsy with people they would shut up?

[olittletownofberolina]

You are doing a fabulous job, and don't you forget it!

Do look into LLL - might be just what you need - they have monthly meetings IIRC so time commitment not enormous.

[bauble99]

We're co-sleeping and I'm BF, but DS4 is only 7 weeks old. Much easier at this stage and I'm sure that he sleeps better/longer because we're there.

[Donk]

I was for ever being told that I was making a rod for my own back, but none of the predictions of doom have proven at all true!

[QuootiepiesChristmasName]

oh, and you're definalty not a weirdo or whatever for co -sleeping at 9 months. I wouldnt even call that extended! I remember hearing about some research where its recommended to co-sleep for 5 years. Besides, millions all over the world all share the same bed.. at the end of the day, it is just a soft place to get some sleep. Baby animals sleep snuggled up to their mummies. Before I came on MN though, I thought sleeping with baby was wrong... I didnt even tell my HV incase I got told off, now I proud to say I co-sleep. xxx

[QuootiepiesChristmasName]

Think how happy your baby is snuggled up to mummy at night... Ive been told once that ive made a rod for my own back... but to be honest, sometimes its abit for my benefit co-sleeping! DS is like a little hot water bottle... and theres nothing nicer than opening your eyes in the morning and seeing DS already awake staring at you, then smiling when you smile at him...

[eggnog]

thank you olittle! have bought up some rioja so glad you have found it worth it. when i am not too tired i feel so sure that we are doing the right thing for ds. frankly, we didnt have a choice, he insisted- wild screaming if we didnt do what he required from the word go. ie fed on demand and 100%mummy day and night.

[sputnik]

You are doing great! As for the rod for your back stuff, what's geting up and traipsing around in the cold and dark to go to a baby in another room for months on end if not a rod for your back? Much better to stay snug in bed.

I'm another with a side-car cot, which we moved DD into at 10 months, and we haven't looked back since. I put her to sleep in there (with a few of the wierd positionings like Quootiepie says) and there she stays more or less, with a bit of sneaking closer to me come morning, especially if it's cold. She gradually slept longer nights and slept through around 18 months, with the tiniest pushing from me saying "not til it's light" or whatever. A few moans but no real crying. She later weaned with no probs either, despite me thinking it would never happen.

It is hard dealing with people's comments, I know. I tended to avoid the topic, and if it's your first and you don't know others in RL doing it you sometimes might think well maybe they're right and this will never end. But I've read loads of posts on here from people who've co-slept and transitioned sucessfully. Actually I'll be relying on the collective MN experience myself soon as I'm pg and will be needing to make space somehow for the new one, but I'm pretty confident it'll go ok.

I really can't imagine doing it any other way, and it's so nice being woken in the morning with a grin, some babble and maybe a song (more than I get from DH anyway )

[Hattie05]

Totally agree with sputnik - I co-slept purely because i'm too bloody lazy to do any of the other options that involve me getting out of bed in the night .

I breastfed dd until she was two. For the first year she pretty much slept in our bed and then when she was just over a year we put her in her own room on a matress for the first part of the night, and then she'd wake at some point and climb in with us breastfeeding whenever she wanted.

I was tutted at or worse laughed at by everyone who ever knew what i was doing. But by the time dd was 2 1/2 she had stopped breastfeeding and was sleeping through no problems in her own bed. And whilst i now have to wake my daughter in the mornings I have friends whose children are up at 5 or 6am.

I now have a very happy confident little four year old, and her 4 week old dd will be enjoying the exact same relaxing lifestyle! No controlled crying going on here!

[eggnog]

Thank you so much for the support. i have so much dark muttering abuot how he'll be in our bed forever.... now i can honestly say i know people who have done the same thing and it all worked out great. i just wont mention that i know then online

tbh i dont get how it can be done any other way, especially with a very hungry baby. dh took ds this morning so i had a lie in and feel a lot better today.