21mth old wont sleep!

[lisa400873]

My son has never slept through one night since his birth. Putting him to bed is a nightmare, anyone would think we are hurting him the amount of crying and screaming he does. After a long time (so it feels) he goes. But you can guarantee that i'll be up at least 5 or 6 times during the night trying to get him to go back to sleep.......We have a routine that we stick to every night, but he just wont stay asleep! I'm an older mum - 43, I work too, so I'm tired and cranky all the time.
It's horrible to admit, but I feel like I cant do this anymore, I just don't have the stamina or enthusiasm that is needed.
Someone please help me with some advice, I'm at my wits end here :-(

[MingZillas]

Lots of sympathy, I know how shir it is and how broken you feel

Can you co-sleep?

[MingZillas]

*shit

Fucking tired brain

[JoeMommuh]

What is his schedule like? Wake time, nap time (how long) and bed time.

[JoeMommuh]

I ask because he sounds over tired. I wonder if he doesn't nap well which would be exacerbating the problem.

[squidzin]

I agree with JoeM.

Every day my baby needs a good dose of fresh air, activity, proper nap more than 1hr, more activity and a nice big dinner (carbs and protein) then a nice warm bath before milk and bed.

Any interruption in getting all of these in one day effects his sleeping, but mostly missing his nap makes him the most agitated.

Also teething is the biggest sleep disruptor. Check if your baby is due another tooth!

[lisa400873]

His routine is up at 7, after many wakes through the night (last night was 5) , play, snack on fruit .lunch at 12 pm, then a nap for 1 and a half hours. Then we or whoever is looking after him go out to the park or for a walk, anything really, come back play snap and jigsaws and learn numbers. Dinner at 5 pm, then we calm it all down, let him build his blocks. Roughly half 6 he has a another snack toast or a breadstick.
Bath time is at 7 pm, then we try to get him to bed at 7.30.
Even that is a routine unbroken.......walk into his room, turn on his nightlight. close curtains and look at the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. Then calpol or ibuprofen because although he has most of his teeth, im pretty sure a back one is on its way. Then a kiss and a warm bottle of milk, gently put into his cot, say goodnight baby, and he's quite happy at this point.
Then the shouting starts and crying for attention. Then back full circle to repeatedly trying to get him to sleep all night.......

Should I try something else? his dad wants to take away his afternoon nap, but I think he will be over tired then, and he whinges enough as it is!

[Diddlydokey]

So from your routine, the daytime sounds fine. Some would say to drop the daytime nap but I think he's very young for that and it would likely lead to overtiredness. I would change a few things;

Bath in the morning - this just winds some kids up
Bed at 7, he sounds overtired to me. I'd be upstairs at 6.45.

Bedtime routine could use a bit of adjusting. Ditch the bottle of milk, it's bad for his teeth and not necessary at all. PJs and a cup of milk downstairs, upstairs, brush teeth, the same 2 books, cuddle and bed wide awake. The routine should be short, with minimal opportunities for messing around.

What do you do at night wakings? What do you do when he starts playing up at bedtime?

[lisa400873]

Diddlydokey,

For the night wakings its variable. Sometimes its just shush him, give him his dodi, and stroke his head saying "night night" other times he is wide awake stood at the end of his cot shouting to get up, this takes quite a while to calm him down and get him to lie down again. As previously wrote this can happen up to 6 times a night.

When he plays up at bedtime we either give in and let him stay up for another hour until we see some sleepy motion (rubbing his eyes or yawning that kind of thing) which I know is wrong but sanity prevails, or we just let him babble to himself or cry it out, depending on the volume!

[Diddlydokey]

I would try to get a consistent plan of action. Is a dodi a dummy/soother? I'd also throw them away.

I would give him 10 minutes before you go in at nighttime and at bedtime. When you do go to him leave him in his cot, just say that it is time to sleep now and go. Don't actually settle him, just a quick reassurance that you're still there and confirming that it is still nighttime.

I hope this helps.

[fuzzywigsmum]

OP we're going through a similar thing with our 21month old at the moment - absolute fury at bedtime and then intermitently (sp?) during the night. I came on MN to see if perhaps it's a developmental thing. DD2 does often sleep through but seems to get struck with any kind of sleep problem caused by developmental stages or being unsettled (long night wakings, separation anxiety, early waking - you name it, she's done it)

I have to say that consistency is helping. We had got her up a few times because she'd sounded so upset but it was just making things worse in the long run, So now she stays in her cot whatever and I've done gradual retreat, so now she goes to sleep with me shhing outside the bedroom door and that's also what happens if I need to resettle her.

Definitely like Diddy says, don't go to settle him for 10 mins. I know that doesn't necessarily help with getting more sleep for you coz you still have to listen to them cry but it may help in the long run.

I'm being driven mad though. I worked late last night so only ended up getting 4 hours sleep. I suspect teeth might be to blame as she still has her four back molars to come.

Let me now how things go.