DS is 10 weeks, what now?

(16 Posts)
MuddyWellyNelly Wed 07-Oct-15 15:54:01

FTM of course. Looking for a sanity check/advice.

DS is 10 weeks and all things considered sleeps well at night. But it's all over the place. 2 nights ago he fell asleep at 8.30-1.30 then again until 5.40 then again till 8ish. Last night was similar except he woke at 9 and 10 briefly. 3 nights ago he didn't fall asleep until 2am. But that's unusual. Other nights he sleeps at 10pm for 3 hour stints or 5 hours or anything in between. He's a crap daytime sleeper though.

Every day I question my approach and try something different. As he's often overtired due to bad napping, I want to get him to bed early but can often end up spending the whole evening scuttering about. We tend to bath then dress him, then I lie down in bed and feed him and he usually falls asleep, either immediately or after 2 or 3 or 4 attempts. I then dither about whether to put him straight in his basket or just leaving him in bed until I'm ready to sleep. And then I dither about if/when to wake for a bedtime feed.

Morning is then very unplanned too, dependant on when he wakes, and then it all depends how well he naps the rest of the day.

One day we try bathing early, the next we try later. One day we try just keeping him downstairs while we eat dinner. The next we try to get him to sleep first.

Basically the whole thing is me going "err what do I do now" and frankly not very enjoyable. I feel like we should maybe instigate at least some form of routine but don't know where to start. I'd also like to start moving away from the rigmarole of having my PJs on by 7pm so I can lie down to feed him. I don't know how best to approach this. Last night he was full before he was asleep, so we ended up amusing him for 20 minutes until he was super exhausted, then a last feed tipped him into sleep.

He's EBF. Quite small though, only 10lbs, so not yet ready for longer sleeps.

I just feel a bit disorganised and chaotic and not sure it's helping him. I don't know what to deal with first eg time of going to sleep, or the lying down feed, or the in bed vs Moses basket. He's in the Moses basket overnight though and normally fine.

Sorry for confused thread. Just trying to get some thoughts down. I feel like there's a book everyone else must have that I didn't get given. wink.

EffinIneffable Wed 07-Oct-15 16:50:23

No advice I'm afraid, but this is basically us too! Ds is 8 weeks and the only stable point in our day is that he tends to go to sleep between 9 and 9.30 til about midnight. After that all bets are off. He feeds about every 3 hours but often doesn't sleep after his early morning feed at 5 or 6, and is crap at daytime naps unless in the sling (meaning I can't sleep). I'm trying to have a consistent bedtime routine of cuddle, massage, change and feed with low lights. If we get that established I'm hoping we can slowly edge it earlier. I'm also trying to get him to go for a nap in the sling, pram or in his crib, hopefully, one day)!) an hour and 10 mins after he last woke. He starts yawning after an hour and a half but by that point he's already overtired and more difficult to settle. I'm wondering about trying to instigate a regular 'get up' time but mostly he's up too early and there's no way I want to wake him if he sleeps longer! It's also difficult to tell when he's awake from, as there will often be a period of wake, snack feed, doze off, wake after 10 mins, etc. Sorry not much help, but I feel your pain!

mintbiscuit Wed 07-Oct-15 17:17:16

Muddy and Effin. Sounds like you are both doing a great job with your new dcs. Some babies fall into more predictable routines earlier than others. Others take a lot longer. It's a bit trial and error to find their groove but it will happen. Your dcs are still really young but you will start to find that night sleep becomes more consistent, especially as awake times increase throughout the day. The natural bedtime will gradually move earlier as a result.

In the first few months I wore my dcs in a sling for naps and made sure I settled them before they were overtired. This usually meant around 4/5 daily naps in the beginning. Awake time was usually around an hour. For bedtime I then had a loose routine of bath song feed bed. Was a bit hit and miss for weeks but it gradually got better as baby begins to pick up on sleep cues that it is bedtime. (You can then apply a shortened version of routine to naps in the cot during day)

I promise you it will become a lot more predictable over the next month or so. Hang on in there and just remember that your babies still need tons of sleep for now.

mintbiscuit Wed 07-Oct-15 17:19:55

Ps. A lot of babies are crap daytime sleepers (usually only 30-45 mins at a time). Totally normal and just means they may need less awake time in between and more frequent naps. They grow out of it around the 6 month mark (some later).

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 07-Oct-15 18:01:32

Thanks Mint. smile When I say crap though, I mean just not going to sleep at all sometimes! I have been guilty of missing sleep cues and it's got better since I realised that, but sometimes (particularly in the afternoon) he won't sleep AT ALL after say 3pm. It's exhausting for all of us.

When you say "when baby begins to pick up on sleep cues that it's bed time" do you just mean keep at the same routine and they will start to fall asleep faster? We haven't introduced a story yet. Maybe we will do that immediately before feed as a sort of switch from fun bath time to lights off sleep time.

Any suggestions as to what time to start bedtime? Especially given the lack of daytime sleeping. I'm not sure say 6.30 is attainable due to the time DH gets home. Bath time is his treat. But do I just keep persevering with say 7pm even if sometimes he won't fall asleep until 10?

Efficient it's all so bloody confusing isn't it? To be honest I'd day things have improved even since week 8 but I'm not sure we have any kind of fixed point at all!

Oh and thoughts anyone on waking them for a feed? If say he's dropped off at 9, is there a point in feeding him at 11?

mintbiscuit Thu 08-Oct-15 09:02:39

Muddy where does ds sleep for naps? You say he won't sleep after 3pm. This sounds like he could be overtired and overstimulated. Could you try wearing ds in a sling for these naps after 3pm. Or taking ds for a walk in pram? Again, it's normal as the day progresses for babies to find it harder to fall asleep - even though they need it!

Missing tired signs is so easy to do. I found clock watching better for mine as tired signs were hard to spot at such a young age and when i did it was usually too late! Really try and focus on awake time and make sure it's not too long.

Re sleep cues at bedtime I mean that it will help them to understand what's coming next and help them wind down. So with perseverence you should find it easier to settle them. It's a bit like us having a bath, reading a book etc.

Another thing that worked for me (and saved my sanity) was the early bedtime. Night sleep is way more restorative than day sleep so if baby is not sleeping much during the day more night sleep will help to minimise overtiredness until day naps get better. You can then adjust bedtime to slightly later.

Re a dreamfeed. Some people find giving a dreamfeed when they go to bed 'resets' the sleep clock and gives you a longer stretch until next night feed. Doesn't work for all babies though.

Peaceloveandpartyrings Thu 08-Oct-15 10:38:46

I started a very strict bedtime routine at 8 weeks-ish because I couldn't deal with the chaos we were living! At 7pm we gave him a bath, a wee massage if he tolerated it, got him dressed and gave him his milk (he had expressed bottles back then) and into bed whether awake or asleep, with his mobile going a couple of times until he fell asleep. He never came downstairs after his bath (we didn't break that rule until a month or so ago when he had an awful cold and had to sleep sitting up in his pram sad). He knew exactly what was going on and what to expect next after a little while, and it helped me feel more in control of the situation because I knew what to do next.
We've just changed his bedtime routine at 9mo to make it earlier and more age-appropriate (milk before bath and teeth-brushing, a story, etc), but he's still a crap daytime sleeper. I have been promised by various friends that when they get moving they will naturally want to nap more.
Do you find it easier to feed lying down, or do you find it sends him to sleep more easily? I wonder if you might be better off feeding him sitting in a chair and then transferring him from your arms into his basket/cot when he's asleep. You can then sneak away without worrying about whether you'll disturb him by getting up and moving him.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 08-Oct-15 11:59:01

On phone so will try to reply. Thanks first for helpful replies!

Mint sometimes the pram or sling works and sometimes it doesn't. However I'm learning I need to A catch him sooner and B persevere a bit. For example went out for a walk the other day and he was chilled but awake. Started crying at a far away point but did drop off eventually. Today got an unheard of 2 hour nap in sling but probably as I got him in there quickly. Think will try car next!

Last night was our best fall asleep yet, first attempt at 8, straight into Moses basket till midnight. Cue me fist pumping followed by 2 hours of not settling and me eventually chucking DH to spare room so DS could stay in the bed. He does have a rubbish cold though which I think is worst at night. But technically I could have snuck away last night I just decided to go to sleep instead grin

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 08-Oct-15 12:09:11

Peace I'm beginning to see the possibility of a routine that didn't exist say 3 weeks ago. He was still cluster feeding at that stage but it's lessened now. It sounds like we are trying a similar route to yours and will keep persevering with it. The lying down is because at his most overtired meltdown phase (which was in retrospect our fault for not being on top of his nap needs) it was the only way to essentially reset him and get him asleep enough to go to bed. He is now sometimes waking when I transfer him to his basket and managing to fall asleep again so perhaps I could try sitting up feeding again.

Back later. Feed finished!

Peaceloveandpartyrings Thu 08-Oct-15 13:35:32

I got into a habit at about 3/4 months of taking DS to bed with me at about 2pm and feeding him to sleep for an hour or so. Partly so I could have a snooze myself, partly because I found BFing so much easier lying down, but also because he was so hysterical by that point it was the only way to calm him down. Trouble is, he now expects milk and a sleep whenever he comes into our room and sits on the bed confused
Try to make a start on a bedtime routine but the rest of the time, just do what you need to do to get through the day!

MuddyWellyNelly Sat 10-Oct-15 12:11:24

Yes every day is a new challenge! Last night was pretty good. Napped at 8, fed and changed and down by 10. Slept till 2.30 grin and for the first time in ages went down first time after a change and feed on both boobs. Woke up at 7.30 and is now on second nap. It's all going to go horribly wrong soon isn't it? hmm

As an aside, I shoved on my cosy fleecy dressing gown this morning and fed him whilst wearing it. He's now having a mammoth sleep in my arms snuggled into it. Obviously he couldn't sleep on anything like this unattended but I might see what I can do for daytime naps. I know people who swear by lambskin rugs.

MuddyWellyNelly Sat 10-Oct-15 12:12:10

No, slept till 3.30!!!

Peaceloveandpartyrings Sat 10-Oct-15 12:54:06

Get a soft fleecy blanket and tuck it into the sides of his cot. Is that allowed?

Peaceloveandpartyrings Sat 10-Oct-15 12:54:29

Although it's more likely your warmth, smell and heart beat he's loving than your dressing gown smile

MuddyWellyNelly Sat 10-Oct-15 19:09:21

Oh I don't know. Normally he falls asleep for 5 minutes then decides bony arms aren't that comfortable. wink. Also as it's been quite mild since he's been born I often am in short sleeves and his head and my arms get sweatily stuck together. Poor guy.

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 11-Oct-15 09:41:26

It went horribly wrong sooner than expected! Last night was brutal. A grand total of 4 hours between about 5pm and 8am. DH finally took him to Sainsburys early this morning and he's asleep now. I think it's a bit early for his next leap but it did seem like his brain wouldn't switch off.

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