Hi all,
I'm planning on starting gradual retreat with my 10 month old DD this weekend.
I'm just looking for advice really from those who have done it. Would like to put some kind of plan in place to concentrate on as I can't bear her crying.
Dreading it as she has co slept from birth (we have a co sleeper cot next to the bed but mostly she prefers to be right next to me for all night bf access!)
The problem is that she physically cannot get back to sleep without me bf her and she wakes A LOT. I don't even count how much but we are talking every 30 mins - 2 hours absolute max. So we are both tired & I feel guilty & sorry for her because she does seem so tired during the day. In the morning she starts to cry & moan after about half an hour of being awake so could obviously do with better sleep.
I don't even bother trying to give her breakfast anymore, she is never interested, she must be full from the all night feeding marathon. Thing is, i wouldn't feel comfortable night weaning because she doesn't actually eat loads during the day so sometimes she does seem genuinely hungry. So how can I get her out of her cot sometimes & not others? I suppose I'm just hoping she will start to wake less for feeds & will learn to eat more solids during the day.
I think I'm dreading it so much because I'm not sure that it will even work. I can't imagine her ever just lying down & going to sleep by herself with no bf. What if she just cries for hours & hours? Should I encourage her to take a dummy or will that just create more problems?
Is the idea that I put her down in her cot awake & not get her out unless she is really upset, and in theory she will eventually just lie down & sleep? Im thinking I will sleep on floor next to her cot (in her own bedroom) for first couple of nights & then maybe sit on a chair next to cot maybe from 3rd night.
Sorry for the ramble just hoping someone can help/advise as I'm feeling sad & guilty about the whole thing. I think she will find it traumatic & won't understand why I'm not picking her up etc.
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Gradual retreat
Cb148 · 23/08/2015 22:01
Not read other posts but will tell you what I did.
DS1 - after 14mo of waking and bfing every 1.5/2hrs (he was in a cot in his room so I'd get out of bed, feed in a chair, put him back down, collapse back to my bed) I'd had enough and decided to nightwean. I did a mix of Dr Jay Gordon (Google him) and a thread on here called 'what worked for us'.
I picked 11pm - 5am and first night I fed at bedtime and put him down awake. He faffed for about 45mins then plonked into his tummy and fell asleep. When he woke in the night I'd pick him up and cuddle back to sleep but not feed. After a few nights of that I didn't pick him up but sshh/patted/sang/hugged in the cot til he put himself back to sleep. I remember some crying especially in the night but really it wasn't bad. I remember thinking at the time that I should have done it months earlier given how well he was responding. Within 10-14days he was waking maybe once before 11pm say then sleeping til 5/6am. Truth be told I never really retreated very far and we were either patting him, holding hand, lying on floor, lying by door, lying on landing, sitting on steps outside.... FOR MONTHS!!! He's now 3.1yo and we still poke our head round the door while he's dropping off to say a last goodnight, but he's pretty much slept through (more or less....) since that first round of sleep training at 14mo. With the odd too off training required as and when 
DS2 is 9.5mo and although I vowed not to make the same 'mistakes', here I am bfing all night and bed sharing. I tried putting him down awake in his cot and lying on a pull out bed when he was about 8.5mo and it was a disaster. He cried and cried and he simply couldn't be comforted so I gave up after 2hrs and fed him to sleep.
About two weeks ago so when he was just over 9mo it got so bad at bed time that he was simply refusing to go to bed in his cot and he's wake whenever I put him down. Plus he was crawling so I wasn't happy bedsharing.
So I dragged the mattress off the spare bed, fed, put him down then lay next to him awake. For about 45mins I kept returning him to the middle of the bed as he kept trying to go off exploring but he eventually got bored and flopped around a bit and after about an hour in total rolled over and fell asleep! I did that for 5 nights and after about the fourth he slept through the evening for the first time since he was 3mobths old.
I then moved to putting him awake in his cot that is removed one side off and put the pull out bed along side. First night took a good 1.5hts with some crying but I knew he could put himself to sleep so I just kept cuddling and reassuring and putting him back down on his back and eventually he fell asleep. He now falls asleep in 20/30 mins without a fuss.
My next step is to Night wean him and not feed him between 11pm and 5am and just cuddle back to sleep. Once I've done that and he's presumably not waking as much or at least not needing me when he wKes I'll put a bed guard up on the cot and finally the side back and then move from the pull out bed to a chair by the door etc..... And maybe one day I'll go back to sleeping in my own bed!!! That's the plan anyway.
I hadn't intended this to be so long. The only thing I can say is that you never how it'll go once you start. Also, start small pick one thing you want to change and go from there.
Good luck
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