Sleep training needed?

[SophieandElls]

Hi all,

I have rarely used this site but I genuinely don't know where to go or who to turn to. I had my second daughter 6 months ago now and every night I dread what will happen. She pretty much wakes every hour from 8 (she goes down at 7).
As she's my second child she has had a routine from the word go. Bath, was boob but now bottle, (with story) then bed. I have just stopped feeding her two weeks ago which was also unbearable getting her to take a bottle! But I don't know what to do to get her to sleep through, my first daughter slept through from 6 weeks and as there is only a 2 year age gap between them and my partner works away I feel like I am completely burnt out. I am wondering if I am to blame as when she was first born I didn't want her crying to wake my eldest so I would feed her every hour/half an hour or whenever she woke. Recently I've tried comforting her back to sleep, I've tried letting her cry but nothing bar a bottle will settle her. I really need something to work so if anyone has anything to suggest I would be very grateful.
Thank you all, Sophie.

[GinGinGin]

Hi Sophie, congratulations on the birth of your daughter! 6 months is still very young - yes, some babies do sleep through from day 1, but tbh it's quite rare! More likely is what your daughter is currently doing! There is a growth spurt around the 6 week mark, which probably isn't helping and and the transition from boob to bottle may well also be something that your daughter is getting used to.

I remember those nights well, that were hell and I remember the fear when my dd woke up (" what if she doesn't go back to sleep?!"). But things will get easier - she will eventually sleep through, but just not yet. Like I said, 6 months is still very young. Do you have anyone who can give you a break during the day or who can do some of the night waking?

[confusedandemployed]

Well personally I would do cc, as long as there were definitely no underlying health issues.
What are the daytime naps like? Sounds like she may be overtired going to bed. IME you sort the daytime naps, the nighttime sleep will be much easier to deal with.

[SophEllsandPops]

Thank you both for replying! And your advise. I know I was lucky with my first baby and that they are all different I just can't seem to link together why sometimes she'll sleep till 4 and other times she'll be up all the time! Unfortunately I don't have any family or friends who can help during the day due to work commitments and in all honesty I wouldn't want my 2 year old to have too much change as she had sleep regression when my second daughter was born! What would you recommend for daytime naps and crying it out at night?

[GinGinGin]

Personally I wouldn't do cc or cio at night as I think 6 months is too young (I did cc at 11 months). Re naps - will re-read your op (on phone so can't scroll up!)....

[GinGinGin]

Just to add too, feeding to sleep will not cause her to become dependant on it (contrary to popular belief!). What are her daytime naps like? At this age, napping a lot during the day can actually mean sleeping more at night. But you also need to bear in mind that there is a growth spurt at 6 months so she may well genuinely need more food anyway, hence the waking

[minipie]

6 months old, waking every hour and only falling back to sleep if fed - and a history of being fed at every waking - looks very much like a sleep association problem. I completely disagree with Gingin, she clearly IS dependent on being fed to get back to sleep. Yes there is a growth spurt but that will not mean she is hungry every hour! Every hour means a sleep cycle/sleep association problem.

So, you need to teach her to fall asleep (and back to sleep) by herself. Controlled crying is the quickest but harshest way to do this, there are other ways involving less crying but they take much longer. In your shoes I'd do cc (I don't think 6 months is too young, I actually think it can be worse the older you leave it) but depends how you feel about crying.

[GinGinGin]

Some useful info here - www.babycentre.co.uk/x1051361/what-sleep-strategies-can-i-try-between-six-and-nine-months

And yes Minipie, growth spurts do mean that babies wake very frequently for feeds.

[SophEllsandPops]

I have been thinking it's her naps in the day that are the problem as she's normally woken by my toddler and cries when she wakes and still looks tired... Today I have tried my hardest to give her two decent sleeps and she had one quick one in the car so we will see tonight. I did try crying it out once a week or so ago and she got worse and after 45 minutes I caved and picked her up and fed her, she doesn't have much, 3oz maximum so in my opinion it isn't hunger but then I think her stomach is tiny so is that a lot to her? I've started to introduce food now too so again I was hoping that would make her fuller and more satisfied but she woke hourly from 11 last night ????. I am also a bit reluctant to try the crying method as I don't want it to wake my 2 year old as she got sleep regression when Poppy was born and I would hate to go back to both of them being awake! Thank you gingingin for your link I will have a look, fingers crossed for a few hours tonight!

[VaselineOnToast]

I don't think your baby has a problem - not even a "sleep association" one. Some babies just require more parental input throughout their night sleep, unfortunately for us! I think your baby is doing just what mine did - telling you that she needs you to help her get to sleep. She'll learn to get to sleep on her own in her own time.

I think we are tempted to believe that something WE do (routine, feeding method, early bedtime etc) is going to have a magical effect on our child's sleep, but in reality, there are far too many variables that we can't control (effects of physical development, for example). Most babies don't like being alone or in a cot... It goes against their basic instincts. My son stopped waking up hourly once I listened to what he was telling me - "keep me beside you". Sleep training is never NEEDED, especially if you feel uncomfortable with it.

Sending you and lots of empathy!

[VaselineOnToast]

Oh, meant to ask: does she have a dummy? Could she be missing the comfort sucking that she used to get at the breast?

[SophEllsandPops]

Thank you for your message Vaselineontoast. She did a little better last night, she woke at 12 but settled herself and then had a 5oz bottle at 3 and went back down till 6:30. And I really did try to give her two decent naps yesterday so maybe that helped? She has certainly reinforced that they are all very different, I've tried everything I did with my first daughter, tried all my friends abvise but nothing has worked, I know there isn't a quick fix but the sleep deprivation is really taking its toll as my partner works away in the week and some weekends and I don't have anyone to help in the day but I'm sure, well I'm hopeful that it'll click into place soon! She won't take a dummy no, I do give her her muslin but I move it once she's asleep as I worry about her choking! Did you find having your son next to you helped?

[SophEllsandPops]

P.S thank you to everyone for your advise I know we have different methods and beliefs but at the end of it we all want happy children and happy families. It has made me feel like we're all in it together xxx

[confusedandemployed]

Sorry I've not returned since first post, I've been away.
It does look like her daytime naps could be contributing if she did well with good naps yesterday. IIRC my DD was having at least an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon, with a little catnap late afternoon (about 45mins),then bath / bed from 6.30pm. I'd never let her sleep after 4.30pm at that age. FWIW I agree with minipie, cc is much easier and quicker to do when they are younger if you chose to do it. CC doesn't mean you leave them to cry it out, though. Oh and I second the advice to persevere with a dummy. A life saver!

[SophEllsandPops]

Hello everyone, a big hurray as Poppy has slept through for the last two nights 7-6 and 8-6!!! And the answer... A dummy! But my goodness people are judgemental about them! Thank you all for your help and for making me feel supported xxx