baby will only sleep in the sling, I'm exhausted!!! Please help..,

[Violette1301]

Hi,

I'm new to this so please bear with me.

My gorgeous almost 16 week old will only sleep in the sling and I have to be standing up or she wakes. Now, this was all fine until she started waking several times in the night again so I'm exhausted as I don't get the chance to nap.
At night she sleeps in her crib if I put her down when she is in a deep sleep and I can't always tell. So I end up wearing her for two hours.

I'm at my wits end. My husband doesn't like the sling so he doesn't have to sleep times.

Has anyone else been here? I go back to work in December so I have a while to sort it. I can't wear my baby forever. The reason I started putting her in the sling to sleep is because she didn't sleep at all during the day and was getting overtired which was unbearable plus she was colicky.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
My dad told me I was spoiling her!!
Very emotional and tired mummy xxx

[FizzyBubbly]

No advice but just want to say you're not alone as my 12wo is the same. The sling is good for her as she has silent reflux plus I also have a 2 year old so I can't really leave her unattended while I spend ages trying to get the baby asleep.

My plan is to get a few toddler free days and then really commit to the putting her down drowsy and awake thing. She did it for a few days at around 9 weeks so I know she can do it.

I love the cuddles and of course she loves it too, but like you it's starting to get impractical (she doesn't like having her head tucked in so I have to support it leaving me one handed) Hopefully someone will come along soon with some useful suggestions!

[littleash789]

Can you co-sleep? If she's sleeping in the sling it's probably because she's reassured by your smell and warmth et c- cosleeping will give her this, and if you're bfing that makes things easy too.
Also, I HATE people (my dad has said it too) telling me I'm spoiling my baby by cuddling him! He is a baby ffs, not an evil genius, he just wants to be reassured I'm here, as going from the constant warm and touch of my womb to the outside world is a massive and bewildering change- I totally believe in the forth trimester idea!
I would be lost without my sling too- ds 1 is 18 weeks and won't settle in a crib or Moses basket, and I'm supposed to be back to work in October- I'm trying not to worry about it and enjoy our time together!
Good luck!

[Theas18]

Sorry " husband doesn't like the sling" but it's the only way she settles at the moment. He'll have to bloody get to tolerate it at least then wont he!

It's quite possible to pace the living room slowly slinging a baby and playing his Xbox whilst you get 5 mins peace and sleep...

This is a phase and will pass, you need to do what ever it takes to safely get you all through as a family.

[Theas18]

BTW you are not spoiling her. THis is what she needs and you are a brilliant mummy responding to that ((()))

[makeminea6x]

I'm with Theas

There are loads of things about parenting one might not like. Changing nappies, cleaning up vomit, getting up in the night, discipline...

If it's something that is essential at that time and you don't have a disability stopping you doing it, I think one needs to suck it up. You need your husband to parent here, and that means sometimes helping the baby to sleep (fine if he finds another method that WORKS).

It will get better

[CMOTDibbler]

Yup, tell your dh to get a grip and do what needs to be done for your dd.

Have you tried co sleeping with your dd?

[Violette1301]

Thanks all for your kind words and advice. i agree with you about my husband but because he gets in and does things like put a pizza in and turn the steriliser on he thinks he's doing his bit. But when I am tired and dd has been screaming I need a break. Sorry I'm ranting now...

I have a Chicco next 2 me which we got a couple of weeks ago as dd was too big for the Moses. I have tried lying her down drowsy and lying next to her but she flays her arms and legs around. I tried swaddling but she screamed. Am I doing it right?

Thanks again for your support. Had a rough day today ????.

Xxx

[Theas18]

You are doing fine.

What you need is to hand the baby over and be allowed to put the pizza in yourself isn't it! of course you need a break. What I'd suggest is he is allowed to go for a wee when he gets in but then he gets an armful of baby and you get a warm bath with a book for 20mins after you put the pizza in!

[Violette1301]

Thank you Theas18.
I needed to hear that. I feel like I have a job with all this responsibility which I am completely under qualified for.

[Violette1301]

Oh and Fizzybubbly my LO doesn't like having her head tucked in either! Good luck, let me know what works for you.

[lilac3033]

Have you looked at a Sleepyhead? DD only slept on me for the first 4 weeks, hated swaddling and startled herself awake. Sleepyhead has made it so much easier. Started with it next to me in bed then moved to her crib. Sleeps in it with no issues!

[tinkerbellvspredator]

The only way I ended up being able to put DS down not with me next to him was when we got a second hand amby hammock. We're also following Sarah ockwell Smith sleep book and doing background noise (sleepytot seashore) as a sleep cue and also tried to introduce a comforter (but he doesn't seem to need that). I do still feed him to drowsy and some times completely asleep before putting him in it but he's now sleeping in the evenings and good naps in it. I think the fact I started with bedtime so he got used to it being part of the bedtime routine before introducing it for naps also helped.

[Wibblewobble100]

My DS was similar if not worse at 9 months. He settled well at the start of the night but woke every 1.5 hours or sometimes every 45 mins. I tried to night wean (DH was amazing and did all the resettling) but hung on to the dream feed because I though if he couldn't go from 11 - 6, how would he go from 7-6? We got to the end of our sleep deprived tether around 10 months and I took DS to my parents, and they did all the resettling for two nights while I slept. I didn't dream feed those nights. Hes slept better and better every since. Now does 7- 5 ish. I think it was night weaning ( although he started crawling at the same time) that made the difference.

[Wibblewobble100]

Eek posted that on the wrong thread- sorry. Clearly I'm still more sleep deprived that I think.

[MioNome]

I hear your 16wk old and raise you a 9 month old who only sleeps in a sling....
No advice but you're not spoiling her. But if it's not working for you, then change it.
I plan do do some gradual retreat in the next few weeks for bedtime and nap time.
Good luck and enjoy the snuggles

[tortoisesarefab]

Have you tried patting to sleep? Lie them down on their side and hold arm and pat her back, if she wriggles just hold firmly and keep patting and shushing, stay really close so it's almost like you are holding her. When she settles slow down the patting and then leave your hand still on her back, if she stays asleep then gradually lighten your hold until you can let go.

[Violette1301]

No I haven't tried that, I'm willing to give it a whirl. After reducing the patting will I weaker when I put her on her back?

[tortoisesarefab]

Not if you are careful, just have her tilted to the side rather than right over and then guide her gently onto her back. Good luck

[Trinityhome]

@FATEdestiny you would think so but apparently not 😂

She's been awake all morning since 7.30, had a feed, nappy change etc, she started showing tired signs at 9 so I started trying to get her to sleep and we're still trying

[Cloudninenine]

Your husband needs to get over himself and share the load. who cares if he doesn’t like the sling?! You don’t exactly like it either! He has to get a grip and start sharing the job with you.

I’d also consider whether she would co-sleep for naps? My baby would go a couple of hours in bed with me, and it meant I could nap at the same time. Find rules for safe co-sleeping on the lullaby trust (no blankets or pillows, no smoking or drinking, firm flat mattress, hair tied up etc) and see if that helps.

[Lamamman]

Hello
I know this is no longer relevant to the OP by now, but I will post about my experience as it can help parents searching for a solution as I was not so long ago.

I am breaking down what worked for me, which is based on Tracy Hogg's books (especially "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems"). There's also a video that shows it in practice

Please bear in mind that I am no baby specialist or sleep consultant. I am just describing what worked for my baby and me.
1 - Pay attention to wake windows and sleep cues - I searched online and knew that for her age, my baby should be wake for around 1 hour to 1h30, so I'd keep an eye on the clock and when baby was awake for some time, I'd check for sleep cues (yawning, rubbing eyes, fussiness). 
2 - Then I'd take the baby to her bedroom and initiate the nap/sleep routine. I tried to make it consistent so that she could recognise it and associate it with sleep. I'd close the blinds, sing some lullabies and say it's nap time many times. For the night, it also involved reading a story, feeding, and saying it was time to sleep for the night
3 - Put baby awake in bed - When she fussed, I'd try soothing her by patting and shushing. I'd take her in my arms if she needed more comfort and I'd repeat those steps for as long as it was necessary - the longest it took me was around an hour but it was usually way less. The key is to stop when the baby calms down. You don't want to "make them sleep" as it is something that they should do by themselves.
4 - Say goodbye - I always made a point of saying goodbye. For the night, I say "have a good night" or "enjoy your nap" for nap time and give her a kiss. This way, she wouldn't feel scared waking up and finding out mummy was not there.

The first time was quite hard and the baby did cry, but I was there with her reassuring and comforting her, so it's much gentler than the Ferber Method. It is also much safer than co-sleeping or sleeping with a baby on the carrier.
It was quite effective too and after some time (maybe a week or two) I didn't need to pat her anymore. She'd pretty much put herself to sleep or I just needed to pat her a little or say "it's okay" once in a while to reassure her.