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8mo cries inconsolably for hours at bedtime

20 replies

livvv112 · 21/05/2015 21:33

Hi everyone, this is my first post and unfortunately it is a desperate outreach for advice and help! It's also very long as I've tried to put in as much info as possible. I've spoken to other mums at baby group and our health visitor but none of their suggestions have worked.. :(

Our little girl is 8 months old, formula fed since 6 weeks and has solid food regularly, twice daily. She has always been a good sleeper and slept through the night since about 6 weeks old. In fact, when she was 3 months old up until when she was 5 months old she would go to bed at 5pm and not wake until 6am for a feed.. bliss!

However, at around 5.5 months her bedtimes suddenly became an issue and her previous routine stopped working effectively. She started crying and screaming inconsolably for up to 2 hours as soon as I put her down in her cot. We thought at first that it was due to starting solids and that she was just getting used to digestion, but it has carried on since then, every night. We pushed her bedtime back from 5-6pm to 6-7pm but it hasn't changed anything either.

Her current routine is books, bottle, bed. I used to bathe her every night too but she developed a bad case of eczema and even with creams and bath additives her skin is very dry and bathing her so often was making it worse. I now bathe her twice a week but those nights are no different crying wise than non bath nights.

I always look out for signs of tiredness, yawning, eye rubbing etc and act immediately but it makes no difference, she will lie there and cry for hours. Occasionally she goes to sleep straight away but wakes after 30 mins (her usual nap length) and then cries as usual. Her naps are usually okay but vary from three a day to just one, but I've always just followed her lead and let her nap whenever (though I do try to avoid naps after 5pm).

I have tried the cry it out method, gradual retreat, everything I can think of and everything I have Googled! Most of the time she is crying with her eyes shut and won't even take her dummy, and doesn't even notice that I'm in the room or not. She stops crying if I pick her up but as soon as I start to lower her back down she starts screaming again. She is visibly exhausted as she cries and I don't think that its overtiredness every night as I look out for all the sleepy signals so closely.

I try to keep telling myself that it's just a phase but I still end up in tears virtually every night, as I am now. I'm exhausted from her crying and I'm feeling neglected (selfish, I know, and I'm sorry but it's true) as by the time she is asleep (8-9pm) there's nothing I can face doing other than sorting her bottles out and going to bed myself.

I have been trying to get a Dr appointment for over a week incase they have anything else to suggest but they won't prebook and if I phone in the morning I'm kept on hold for ages and by the time I get through all the appts are gone. I will obviously keep trying!

Any advice, help, suggestions etc would be gratefully welcomed and thank you for reading this essay..

(PS. When I say 'I' I do mean 'we'.. My partner helps when he can but works long hours and I'm not back at work yet.)

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FATEdestiny · 22/05/2015 10:56

I suspect over tiredness when she goes to bed.

I would be hoping for 2 to 4 hours of daytime sleep at this age.

My DD (nearly 8 months) sleeps 9.00am-10.30am (ish) and then 1.00-3.00 (ish). Plus the occasional 30 minute powernap around dinner time.

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PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 22/05/2015 15:50

Many babies do conk out as newborns but still have to learn sleep skills later.

How does she sleep when she finally goes off? any ways (car,buggy, bouncer? ) that work to make naps longer?

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livvv112 · 22/05/2015 16:11

Thank you both for responding!

I'm unsure how I can prevent it if it's overtiredness, as I literally let her sleep whenever she wants and for as long as she wants. I've tried to coax her back to sleep when she wakes from her naps after just 25-30mins so she gets more sleep but it has never worked and she just starts crying. Sad Her nap/daytime sleep usually totals between 1.5hrs and 2.5hrs a day.

She will wake once or twice during the night for her dummy but will go straight back to sleep when I replace it. She doesn't feed during the night or need any encouragement to go back to sleep.

No matter where she naps, cot, pram, car seat.. she will only nap for 30mins, max 45mins!

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Pinkandwhite · 22/05/2015 18:03

I was going to say over-tiredness too. My baby used to be a catnapper. I then read 'The No Cry Nap Solution' which suggested immediately resettling your baby as soon as they wake after their catnap. It only took a few days of doing this before my baby got the idea and started linking sleep cycles in the daytime herself. It sounds like you've tried that though and it hasn't worked yet. Have you tried doing her naps in a dark room as though it's nighttime? I put my baby into her pyjamas before naps and take her into her dark room. If she does wake after a short nap, I dash in, pick her up and rock her, give her her dummy and help her fall asleep. Occasionally this takes as long as 15 mins if she's become over-tired for some reason.

Waking after the first sleep cycle at bedtime is very common at you baby's age. My baby has gone through phases of this. When she does this, I go in and get her up, cuddle her/offer more food etc. whatever it takes to get her back to sleep ASAP.

The things your baby is doing are very normal. This too will pass...

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Pinkandwhite · 22/05/2015 18:09

I've just re-read your post. I think it's lovely that you let your baby lead the way with naps but only one a day at her age will lead to over-tiredness and real upset. If I was you, I would do way ever it takes to get her to have at least two naps a day. Ideally she wouldn't be awake for more than four hours in a go at her age. Please know I say this with a baby of the same who sometimes takes 45 minutes to be persuaded to have a second nap of the day. That's 45 minutes in a dark room, feeding, rocking etc. it can be frustrating but I tell myself it won't be forever and I try to enjoy the cuddles. I go to that much effort because I know that if my baby didn't have her second nap she would be screaming by bedtime.

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BertrandRussell · 22/05/2015 18:14

Does she sleep if you lie down with her? Have you tried more milk?

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chumbler · 23/05/2015 08:49

pinkandwhite what age did you start implementing the resettling thing?? sounds like my dd, during the day she only naps for around 20min at a time!

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FATEdestiny · 23/05/2015 16:39

*what age did you start implementing the resettling thing??

You don't need a start age for re-settling to lengthen a nap. It is something that you can do from birth, constantly teaching the baby to sleep for longer. Why would you think a baby is too young to resettle back to sleep?

The joy of bouncy chair sleeping is that for every nap, every day, from birth you can have a good go at foot bouncing baby back to sleep when they stir slightly. Sometimes this will work and baby will sleep longer, other times it won't. As they grow older it works more and more often.

Then baby naturally learns to extend their sleep so the bouncing back to sleep is needed less and less frequently. By 5 months DC4 was napping 2 hours at a time without stirring and so that's when I knew she was ready for daytime naps in the cot.

I'm not sure of the age of your baby chumbler, so you may have missed the boat with bouncy chair to extend naps. But you can still use whatever way you settle your baby to sleep to encourage him/her to go back to sleep when s/he wakes.

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Pinkandwhite · 23/05/2015 22:57

I'm sorry for not replying sooner. I started at around 14 weeks I think. It worked SO quickly. I don't know why I didn't think to do it sooner. I think the key is to act quickly. The second your baby wakes up, you want to be there getting them back off. 'The No Cry Nap Solution' talks about this and gives other tips for lengthening naps.

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Tolateforsorry1 · 23/05/2015 23:09

Dd was similar!

You have to sort out the day naps first!

Stop going out and spend a few days in the house working on a strict routine. Wake her up at set time and around 2-3 hours after she has woke try for a nap. If she goes off gentle disturb her about 30 mins in but don't wake her. She is waking up after one sleep cycle (45 mins) and not being able to go in to her second one.

When I nailed that the night time sleeps were much better.

By the way eye rubbing and yawning are signs that you have missed the first sleep signs. Dd used to stare a little to long at somthing that's how I started clocking it.

I literally had to stay in the house for a week to sort a good sleep pattern as all the groups I was going to was just messing with her rhythm.

you will get there Flowers

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Newtobecomingamum · 24/05/2015 19:33

Hi,

Once anything medical is ruled out, I would get help from a sleep professional. After lots of research I contacted www.andreagrace.co.uk and this lady literally saved mine, my husband and little ones sanity. She is absolutely amazing and has experience of all types of sleep issues in babies and children. My little one slept straight through the night after the first few nights of doing exactly what she said which is tailored to your situation. We had a long Skype conversation which covered everything from pregnancy, birth, routine, health issues etc and she constructs a sleep plan and provides support. The best money I've ever ever spent!! My son was so much happier and we felt human again!! I really feel for you! I honestly would try this lady! Flowers

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Psippsina · 24/05/2015 19:37

Just want to say, she is way too little for sleep training, with any but the gentlest of methods. Crying it out is a horrible thing, both for you and for the baby - please don't do this Sad

They need us near to them when they are small. Even if you don't feed, please hold her or stay with her when she is upset.

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Psippsina · 24/05/2015 19:39

Also she is probably teething at the moment (and will be for a while yet)

There is no need to sleep train. Babies learn to sleep all by themselves. try and minimise the strain on you by having her sleep in the same room, preferably next to your bed so it isn't far to go when she wakes.

Many people co sleep and feed on demand and they often get far better sleep than those who try and impose a routine. JFYI, I don't mean to sound unsympathetic Smile There will be some sleep deprivation with any baby, this is normal.

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mewkins · 24/05/2015 19:43

It coukd be undertiredness, especially if she's naoped up to 5pm and then is going to bed 6-7pm? My dd was always a nightmare if she wasn't tired enough (and her sleep cues weren't reliable either). I would say no naps after about 3.30 at 8 months and aim for a bedtime of 7pm ideally. Also as someone else said try to do set times for naps each day. 9.20ish for a morning nap of around 40mins and then 2 hours or so at 1pm was what ds was doing. He then went bed just before 7pm.

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AnythingNotEverything · 24/05/2015 19:44

I agree with what others have said about daytime naps - I suspect she needs more daytime sleep and you need to help her with this. Long walks or drives in the car at set times of day will train her into being tired at the "righ" times. If she'll settle in the cot or on you, then do that instead obviously, but a regular pattern is essential.

Also, she's at prime age for separation anxiety, where she's figuring out that you and her are not the same being. It's important to help her feel secure and loved at this age - don't worry about creating bad habits - nothing takes more than 3-4 days to change at this age. Cuddle her to sleep, sit with her, sleep on a mattress on the floor in her room ... Whatever it takes for her to feel comforted and secure. There's plenty of time to teach her to go to bed a lone later.

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Psippsina · 24/05/2015 19:45

Btw I had a third baby who wouldn't be laid on his back at all, ever. I really think he had awful pain from wind and it hurt him to lie down. So I had to adapt and cope - using a sling, feeding to sleep a bit propped up, just carrying him upright against my shoulder till he fell asleep.

Sometimes it is the simplest things.

I hope you find a way to cope.

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BertrandRussell · 24/05/2015 22:36

Why not share her secrets with us, newtobecomingamum? Not everyone has 300 quid to spare..

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Newtobecomingamum · 24/05/2015 23:27

God Bert what is your problem?? Are you really that jealous cause I could afford it?? You repeatedly posted on my other thread along with others so I got it taken down as it wasn't meant to turn into bitching. Leave this ladies post alone and only comment if you are being helpful to her... Don't keep bringing my name into things. I posted my experience with a recommendation... That's it end of. Leave me alone and let people get on with their threads. For goodness sake!

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Psippsina · 25/05/2015 12:34

New, I hesitate to say but your posts come across a bit like advertising. I am sure you have good intentions but this is a place where we try and suggest things that don't necessarily cost a lot of money - things from our own experience perhaps.

There are a lot of people who claim to colve sleep problems for money but most people just want a bit of support and suggestions that don't involve paying a fair bit.

It's good to recommend people if it is recommendations that are asked for. But perhaps a bit out of place if not.

Hope that makes sense.

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Psippsina · 25/05/2015 12:34

*solve

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