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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

4 months old and calling the shots

14 replies

booboobunny · 25/10/2006 22:48

hi, i'm looking for a bit of mums' wisdom here. my tiddler is 4 months old. her sleeping has one a bit haywire of late, but my latest problem is that she seems to have decided that instead of going down for the night (not all night of course) at 7pm, she would actually prefer 10pm. so even though i am following the same little bath/massage/music routine as usual starting at 6pm she now wakes up fully at c7.15 and stays properly awake till 10 when she goes to sleep. i am racking my brain trying to work out why this is happening now. it's been going on since sunday. she is teething i think, though no teeth yet, and has been for about 2 weeks, we also got a new bed (she's in our room, sometimes in our bed) last week. are either of these likely to be the cause, or is this just normal developmental stuff?? i don't know whether to just give up trying to get her to sleep at 7 for now or stick with it in the hope she'll remember that i make the rules! any advice gratefully received.

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colditz · 25/10/2006 22:51

She does call the shots, they do I'm afraid. Let her do what she wants, because if you don't she will scream at you. This is bad for 2 year olds, but fine for babies. Remember, if you do something she doesn't like, you could feel guilty for hours. She won't feel at all guilty for screaming, because she isn't trying to control you, she is just telling the world what she needs.

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lulumama · 25/10/2006 22:52

does she sleep with you in your bed every night ,,or sometimes.,when she wakes at 7.15..what do you do? pick her up, feed her ? is she hungry ? how long was she sleeping before this?

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MissGolightly · 25/10/2006 22:58

How much sleep is she getting in the day? She'll need a bit less nap-time now than when she was tiny, so if her day-time naps have stayed quite long, it might be that she's cutting back on her night-time sleep to compensate. Trying to remember but I think at 4 months my DS was doing 8pm-8am (with a few wake-ups but ykwim) with about three or four 45 minute naps in the day. Total daytime sleep about 3 hours, 4 hours absolute max.

If your lo is sleeping more than 3-4 hours in the day then might be worth waking her up and seeing if this improves how well she goes down.

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booboobunny · 26/10/2006 09:31

hi,
thanks for the messages.
should have mentioned that she's not a good daytime sleeper either. it is a constant struggle to get her to take more than 20 minutes in one go and generally i'd say her max per day is about 2 hours. i have been steadily improving her nap time to get to this, but i'll be sure to keep a total limit in mind. it might be the differnece but her best nap is far and away her afternoon one where she can sometimes sleep for an hour and a half. i think i'll try and get her to nap better at lunchtime and shorten the pm one (even tho it's my fave as i get to take a swift one too!!)

generally when she wakes at about 7.15 i haven't got to the stage of putting her down, or that's what i am trying to do when she wakes. she'll probably only have dropped off about 15 minutes (max) before this. she's defo not hungry, just wide awake. all smiles, gurgling, practicing sounds and blowing raspberries. as cute as you like!!

colditz - thanks. i am really trying to stay relaxed about all these things, but as a first timer, i'm so afraid i'll find myself on supernanny or similar one of these days where i have to let her cry it out etc. i order to fix all the things i (well-meaningly) got wrong now!!!

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jambot · 26/10/2006 14:28

What do you mean "when she wakes at 7:15"? Is that the time she's waking from her afternoon nap? Bit confused.

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jambot · 26/10/2006 14:34

Just reading back to your first post, it would seem that her last nap is being taken too late. Still a bit confused as to your timings though. Can you let me know roughly what your daily routine is time wise - time up in morning etc.

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MissGolightly · 26/10/2006 16:11

Are you waking her up early enough in the morning? I know when you're knackered it's easy to let the baby drift on until 10am so you can get a lie in, but then of course they cut back in the evening.

Another idea, do you think she's getting enough stimulation in the day? Perhaps try having a busy afternoon, eg swimming or baby yoga followed by a walk in the park. I know my lo sleeps much better after this.

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screamsprout · 26/10/2006 16:16

I really, really know how hard this can be but please be careful not to characterise your baby as having qualities that she doesn't have yet. The days I felt that ds was "in charge" and not co-operating were the hardest ones. They really aren't able to do much yet at all and if they could, the LAST thing they would want to do is to upset you. She barely knows she is separate from you yet! And I really do emphasise, that I know how hard this can be.

On a more practical note, I would emphasise the "knacker them out" suggestion and go with your theory that she's going through a phase. Once you have a routine, I would say to stay with it and let them come back to it. If we keep changing the goalposts it can get a bit confusing. At four months she could also be going through a growth spurt which can unsettle them a bit too.

Hope it settles down soon.

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booboobunny · 26/10/2006 17:17

hi,
jambot - lord no!!!! the 7.15pm wake up is after i've fed her, in theory ready for the night, at the end of our little bedtime routine that starts at 6pm with a bath. i feel lucky if i get her to nap for an hour at a time. she's not a great one for the old sleep!!
i do try and tire her out. we have a nice long walk every day at the very least, often we do more. i' not sure how much more i can fit in and get in proper nap times too, but i am hoping to give baby yoga a try from next week, so fingers crossed......def don't let her sleep in too long, much as i'd like to staying in bed till 10 isn't an option!!!!

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booboobunny · 26/10/2006 17:17

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Plibble · 26/10/2006 17:28

You have my sympathy! I have a 4 month old who was doing pretty much the same thing until a couple of weeks ago (well, she either shouted from going to bed at about 7 or from waking up about 45 mins later). We (fingers crossed) have cracked it by not really letting her sleep in the afternoon. She has a big nap at lunchtime but after waking from that at 1:30/2pm(ish) does not get anything more than a 10 minute nap in the pram. She still has almost 3 hours of naps in the day, but the vast majority is taken before 2pm. This seems to really knacker her and so she does get fractious towards bedtime, but it is much easier to deal with a stroppy baby at 5 than it is to deal with 3 hours of screaming! Good luck - I hope it sorts itself out soon!

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jambot · 26/10/2006 20:53

Sorry if I sound a bit dense. So after you've carried out your bedtime routine she suddenly perks up and is wide awake - is that it? What time is her last nap of the day?
Your bedtime routine sounds lovely, but I'm wondering if maybe it's not actually having the reverse effect and stimulating her rather than relaxing her, and thereby perking her up and keeping her awake. What about trying a very calm bath, straight into pjs in a quiet room with no other stimulation, feed in darkened room with no eye contact, little cuddle with a ' sleepytime song', tell her it's bedtime and time to sleep, put her down and leave the room.
Are you very set on co-sleeping? She might be better off in her own bed. She's probably got so used to sleeping with you that she doesn't want to be in the bed on her own.

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amijee · 26/10/2006 22:25

I can only speak from the experience of jet lag and time zone cghes ( returned from states - 5 hrs behind) I chged the bedtime approx an hr a day...so maybe go with the 10pm for now and gradully bring it back an hr every day or 2. Remeber the clocks are going back on sat so everyone will have to deal with this!

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booboobunny · 28/10/2006 20:50

thanks for the advice folks, i seem to have restored the correct bedtime in her head (adjusted her nap times - timing and duration. thanks whoever suggested it), but now have to try and tackle the constant waking during the night. she used to be a cracking little night time sleeper, only waking 2/3 times from newborn until about 4/5 weeks ago (which i found totally manageable), now it's more like 100. no idea what has happened. she's now 18 weeks and i'm sooooo hoping this is due to teething. if it isn't i don't know what we'll do. we are both going mad through lack of sleep. leaving her cry just isn't an option........