support needed for co sleeping mum

[zachanhar]

hello, i am co sleeping with my ds and i love it. but i am sick of some people telling me i am 'making a rod blah blah...' and i should leave him to cry blah blah and he should sleep through blah blah and what about my husband blah. my husband loves it too. anyway, what do i say to people? i dont want to be rude. is there a good line i can feed them to stop the rot? ds is 8months.

[lucykate]

just don't talk about it, its no-ones business but your own . i co slept with both mine but don't really talk about it to anyone because i do not want to be made to feel like i have to justify my parenting decisions.

[fussymummy]

I've had all 3 of mine in my bed.

I had so many unwanted comments, that i used to tell people that if i made a rod for my own back, then that was my lookout, not theirs.

I have such a lovely close relationship with my children.

My 3 year old still comes in for a hug, especially if she's cold, then goes back to her own bed.

Every morning they all come in for cuddles and kisses.

My partner has hated having them in our bed, but he can't have it all his own way!!!!

Enjoy your baby cuddles for as long as you want to.

You don't have to answer to anyone.

[rabbitrabbit]

We still have ds in our bed most of the time. My dh goes and collects him on the way to bed! Don't worry about what other people say too much-you only have to read threads on here to see how we all differ in our opinions.
If you're happy then I really don't see the problem x

[moljam]

i tend not to tell.no one sees theres no cot.hand them copy of 3 in a bed by deborah jackson.

[Mumpbump]

The family bed is apparently very common in other cultures and co-sleeping was the norm until the first half of the 1900's. We have never co-slept, but have ds in our bed for about 1 hour in the morning to have his bottle before we get up and it's a lovely time to share with him. Just because you're co-sleeping now doesn't mean you will always do so... I think that it is up to everyone to do what suits them best!

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

and remember that you aren't alone! there are a lot of us who happily co-sleep!

[danceswithbaby]

As Mumpbump says, there are other cultures in which co-sleeping is the norm and they find it odd that we westerners put our babies to sleep in a 'cage'. Interesting way of looking at the good old cot!

[PinkTulips]

don't bother mentioning it to people and if it does come up and they make the rod/back remark just say 'we'll deal with all that when the time comes' and change the subject

my grandmother had the best line 'they're like fleas, once they get in they're impossible to get out'

[sputnik]

I would say that having to get up in the middle of the night and traipse to another room, feed\comfort whatever your baby, then traipse back and try to get back to sleep was creating a rod for your own back, not the alternative of staying nice and comfy together in bed!
I say this because I heard the other day about someone I know who insists on not bringing her kids in bed; she's still up half the night with her 21 month old who won't sleep, and she has a 5 month old too. If this isn't masochism I don't know what is!

[DrFrankenZooey]

If you seem comfortable and happy then it isn't really much of a topic for discussion. I would just answer all criticisms with "It works for us, and we are very happy with this set up." If they push it I would say very innocently "Maybe you should try it, I wouldn't want you to miss out on something so good"

Extolling the joys of co-sleeping is a lot more fun than being on the defensive all the time and people will soon learn to leave you alone. Agree with reading Three in a Bed, plus Dr Sears, and a fab book called "Our Babies Ourselves" which looks at child rearing practices from around the world and examines how they shape our culture.

[harpsichordcarrion]

absolutely don't mention it (I apply this to much of my child raising tbh )
if you do get negative comments, then I would probably say something like, "to be honest I love it, and I think it is very sad that people miss out on all the closeness it brings. I expect babies who have to sleep on their own must really feel lonely, don't you?"
but then I can be a little aggressive at times .
my mother had all five of her babies in bed with her until at least a year and I can assure you that none of us still sleep with her now

[DrFrankenZooey]

I don't entirely agree about not mentioning it HC, I mean of course if the person really doesn't want to discuss it, fair enough. But if we all keep quiet then you end up with the situation we have now, where the only people anyone knows of still breastfeeding past 2 / co-sleeping with their children, are the weirdies that channel 5 can dredge up. I think bright and normal women (i.e. you and me ) should speak up about parenting differently if we can - it normalises it and could give someone else the courage to try something different to the parenting manuals themselves.

[harpsichordcarrion]

oh yes I agree with that franny, if we are comfortable bringing it up then we should, but zachenhar sounds a bit weary of the aggro
if you're weary then I think you should give yourself a break from having to face the relentless criticism.
but generally, yes, it is good to make it normal I agree.
often people say to me - I don't know anyone who bf as long as you, and I said oh god I know loads of people, they just don't run around telling people about it like me

[GoingQuietlyMad]

IME babies sleep so much better that way - no more sleepless nights. they do grow out of it naturally in a lot of cases. the 'rod for your own back' thing is such a load of rubbish.

and it is so cute to wake up in the morning to their little smily face.

i found 'attachment parenting' -by martha and william sears very helpful. they basically argue for instinctive parenting. if it feels right, go for it. they give tips on when to stop co-sleeping (eg when it causes arguments between you and your partner).

[sputnik]

Just to add, the non-sleeping 21 month old I mentioned was also left to cry for literally hours when he was little, , and still cries an awful lot. For me this goes to prove that the "tough" approach simply does not work, also studies I've heard of apparently confirm this. My DD (2.3) was never left to cry, co-slept and from about 18 months slept through, and doesn't cry without good cause.
I think as time has passed and I've seen the results of my parenting strategy I have more confidence to "come out" as a co-sleeper (and extended BFer). It can be hard to deal with negative comments, especially from parents and in-laws. At the time I prefered to avoid the topic. I'm now expecting number 2 though and probably will be nailing my colours to the wall this time round. Do what you are comfortable with.