"Put your baby in his crib when he's drowsy" ok - but then what ?!

[splendide]

So I've read this a million times, to put my baby down when he seems drowsy. Right. I do that then he screams, what do I do next? Do I just keep trying till he gets it?

DS is 7 weeks and only feeds to sleep. At the moment I manage usually to get him to sleep in his own bed (having put him in it when he's very asleep) for one stretch of sleep between 11-5 (not the whole 6 hours, he'll do 4 or 5 on a great night somewhere between those hours) but that's it. Any other time he'll wake within minutes of putting him down.

Does anyone have any advice/ comfort? I'm suffering with PND and bad anxiety and I feel like this is going to kill me.

[icklekid]

From my experience I wouldn't try the awake but drowsy when he is so little- especially if you are finding it hard going. Try but if he cries pick him up, cuddle or feed to sleep. Take each day as it comes and be gentle on yourself!

[GoldfishSpy]

Can you swaddle him?

My DS wakes himself up if not swaddled, but will go to sleep when he is.

He's 4 months now, and I still swaddle him at bedtime.

[katandkits]

It never worked for me! At six months i am still putting her down fast asleep. I think some babies just cant self settle yet and it isn't worth putting them, or you, through all the screaming trying to force it. My first couldn't fall asleep in his cot till he was nearly one, even then i had to lie next to the cot and hold his hand. Just do what works best and gets the most sleep with the minimum fuss. Swaddling definitely helped both my babies stay asleep longer and dummies helped too. Co sleeping in the end part of the night helps me get a bit more sleep too

[katandkits]

Oh, and your baby never read those books! Women have been feeding their babies to sleep since the beginning of time. Its natural, its cuddly, it works. It isn't a rod for your own back and he will grow out of it.

[marzipanfiend]

I agree...I fed my son to sleep til last month (age 12months)..he just grew out of it and gradually it didn't work so we found other ways til he was never feeding to sleep. Having a small baby is really hard, if this works and makes life a tiny bit easier, just do it!! We also used white noise, swaddling and dummies at various times and I worried that we d be stuck with all forever but we aren't. Try not to worry about what the books say (easier said than done as I did but wish I hadn't!)

[marzipanfiend]

Also..I used to put my baby in his bedside cot for the first chunk of sleep then when he wouldn't settle again, bring him into bed to co sleep and send dh next door for the rest of the night...

[marzipanfiend]

Oops next door as in spare room not the neighbours!

[ignominious]

Just feed him to sleep, whatever works. I fed mine to sleep till at least 9 mo then she gradually started going in drowsy instead.

Don't make your life any harder you're not making a rod for your back it'll be fine just get as much rest as you can!

[TheBookofRuth]

Some babies never get it. DD was two and a half before she stopped needing to be cuddled to sleep. DS, on the other hand, self-settled from a very early age.

[jessplussomeonenew]

One bit of advice I found incredibly helpful is to parent for the way he is now, doing what works now, and not spend my energy trying to parent in a way that might make life easier in the future. I'd say that's doubly the case if you've got PND!

[Thewrongmans]

Ha! I actually like Marzipans advice on sending DH next door!

[DougalTheCheshireCat]

Also don't worry about the 'bad habits' thing. As in, if you do that now you're creating bad habits for later. It's a myth. DD didn't do the drowsy / fall asleep thing in the evening until she was over one. (She would for morning and lunchtime naps when very little, but not in the evening. Who knows why).

So I carried her in the sling in the evenings until I went to bed until she was 3 months. Then held and rocked and fed her to sleep every night (sometimes still took ages).

We made gradual changes when it felt right - teaching her to fall asleep without the boob at 7 months, gradual retreat to reduce multiple evening wake ups at 10 months.

In my experience, habits take about 3-5 days to change.

YY to doing whatever maximises sleep for everybody now.

[43percentburnt]

My ds aged 15 months is now able to fall asleep alone sometimes, he still prefers to feed to sleep.

I see it as a milestone, one that can be hit anywhere between 6 weeks and 3 years.

At 7 weeks he was Velcro baby, he still was at 7 months.

We found a sling helped in the early months.

[Greenstone]

Ha yes. Dc2 is 6 weeks and we thought we'd try this piece of wisdom again seeing as it spectacularly failed to implement with dc1 in the early days. Guess what it still doesn't work. So it's feed or rock to sleep with a nice tight swaddle, white noise, and putting on side.

OP does it feel like everyone else has a baby that 'works ' and yours doesn't and your life will never be enjoyable again? Take heart, it will. He'll sleep one day soon and so will you.

[burgatroyd]

He's too little for training. At six months put them down when sleepy and pat them or sit next to them until they are calm.

[splendide]

Ok so it's not just me being shit I guess. If he'll only feed to sleep does that mean nobody else can ever look after him though? I'd love to share some night wakings with DH at least.

[fatterface]

My top tip is for the first 3-6 months just do whatever works best and is easiest. Somewhere between 3-6 months you can start gently trying to move towards not feeding to sleep if you want to, e.g. feeding til almost asleep and then patting in the cot, or having your DH rock to sleep instead of feeding.

[splendide]

Ok thanks I'll try to relax for now!

[bishboschone]

I use music , do it from day one it's worked perfectly for both . Scout or violet bear are brilliant .

[marzipanfiend]

Yes splendide it is a bit rubbish being the only one who can do it....somewhere between 3 and 6 months my dh would get up for the first waking and try to get ds to sleep, then get me if it did work and gradually it worked more often and helped break the habit

[marzipanfiend]

*didn't work

[ByTheWishingWell]

It never worked for me. DD is now 15 months and still feeds to sleep and sleeps in our bed. It does mean that only I can settle her, but DP gets up with her in the morning so I can have some undisturbed sleep (although that's only possible because he works later shifts and I am a SAHM, wouldn't be feasible for anyone I suppose).

The evening wake ups can get a bit frustrating, but I do love the snuggles. Once I learned to just enjoy it and ignore family tutting and muttering about a rod for my back it seemed much easier.

[Redling]

Any sleep 'training' advice is for much much older babies. Some babies will naturally sleep longer through the night younger, but it's almost certainly not what their parents did that makes it happen. I agree with a PP that the best way to get through it is to accept what it is and go with it. I'm sorry that you are suffering from PND and anxiety, but keep telling yourself that you are not doing anything 'wrong' tiny babies need that warmth and comfort from their mothers to fall asleep! Routine is something that can help, but to be too obsessed with implementing it so young can ruin what is a crazy, tiring but magical time. I've never read a parenting book and don't intend to, I go by what my 17 week old DS wants. I think a lot of those books needlessly contribute to new parents anxiety.

[splendide]

I completely agree I wish I'd never read any stupid books they just depress me further

[Redling]

I see this period as a kind of hibernation for me and my baby, we don't need to fit into a normal day, I don't need to go to tons of baby groups etc if he's needing a nap or had a bad night, I just based our routine totally around what he was already developing rather than trying to fit him into one I thought up! So when he naturally started reliably sleeping from 8pm-11pm, we did his bath and bed routine at 7-7.30pm. I do all upstairs bedroom things in quiet and dark and make the morning when we come down bright, noisy and playful so he could tell the difference between night and day. I pick him up and nap him when I see him yawn and rub his eyes, not when the clock tells me to! He was going down in his cot at 7.30 until 7 with two wakeups but the last week he's gone a bit mental, waking up a lot, but they often have a 4 month sleep regression. I find the way to deal with it is to have no expectations of him with regards to sleep, I don't want to feel 'disappointed' in him, or that he's doing anything 'wrong'. He's just doing what he has to! When he's older, 6 months or so and reliably having meals etc I'll try and regulate his daytime sleep around mealtimes. I'm just taking every day as it comes because he'll settle into one thing for a few weeks and then completely change! It's nothing you've done. It is relentless and exhausting, but I think it's more mentally exhausting if you are fighting it and trying to get babies to do something they can't developmentally do. Please by easy on yourself, I'm sure your doing a wonderful job, and no baby ever suffered from being fed to sleep and held for hours, your DS will feel so loved and secure which is far more important at this stage than anything else!