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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

You do not need f**king feeding!

38 replies

Misty9 · 12/12/2014 21:23

Please help, dd, nearly 8 months, wakes up multiple times between 7-7am and will only go back to sleep if I feed her. How do I get myself out of this hole I've climbed into? :( without completely disturbing ds, 3.4, into the bargain...

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NoNaeNever · 12/12/2014 21:28

Is she ff or bf? My dd now 2 was like this til 15 months but she was ff and i started to dilute the formula so it was gradually becoming more watery. Made it less interesting to her and did the trick!

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SpaghettiMeatballs · 12/12/2014 21:28

If you find out let me know! DS is 9 months and has learnt that provided he wakes up and really yells from the off I can be in with him in a few seconds flat to avoid waking his 3yo sister.

It's got so bad I've started him on some formula so DH can to pull his weight. We will see if that works tomorrow or whether he will just howl for me.

The irony is DS is an easier baby than DD in every single respect apart from sleeping through! That was her specialist subject.

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Misty9 · 12/12/2014 21:33

She's breastfed... i know what you mean spaghetti - i tried just putting her back in her cot just now and she looked at me like, what the f mum?! And started screamin louder. So I've got my boob out. Again.

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Haahoooo · 12/12/2014 21:33

Depends on how much it affects your life, but with both of mine I bf whenever they want it, until they start sleeping through.

DD started sleeping through at age 1. DS started sleeping through at age 4 months except now he's teething.

So I tend to be a bit philosophical and think they'll sleep through when they are ready...

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ProveMeWrong · 12/12/2014 21:36

My DS is 2.11 and he is still night waking once a night and coming into our bed for a feed mid way through. Not sure that will make you feel any better, expect to think at least you don't have two of them trying it on! I don't even notice him coming in anymore!

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AntsMarching · 12/12/2014 21:40

Send your DH (or DP) into settle her. She won't smell milk, so won't think she's getting fed. We did this with both our dds, if we were sure thy didn't need feeding. Saved my sanity!

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SpaghettiMeatballs · 12/12/2014 21:41

I'm going back to work after Christmas. I have no idea how I am supposed to function in my career with DS's nights the way they are.

I'm on my own with them a lot of the time too as DH works abroad. Arghhhh!

I keep thinking CC might be the only way but I know he'd be hysterical and wake DD.

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Misty9 · 12/12/2014 22:04

DH is brilliant and, up until a few weeks ago, was usually able to resettle her during evening wake ups. Not now; she screams on him and will only settle with boob.

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NoNaeNever · 13/12/2014 05:37

spaghetti I start back at work after Xmas too, full time. My three are all under 5 and for the first time I'm wondering how am I thing to do it. I'm hoping it all just clicks into place because it has to but am secretly shitting myself...

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NoNaeNever · 13/12/2014 05:37

Thing= going

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ohdearitshappeningtome · 13/12/2014 05:42

My ds is the same he's 8months tomorrow. He's waking in the night because he's refusing solids due to his teeth and only taking 4/5oz in the day time and only eats yogurts or cold stuff! Dh does our night settling yet he doesn't settle for him either so a feed is the only thing that settles him

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zoemaguire · 13/12/2014 06:01

10mo here and in same position. She used to settle with dh if she wasn't hungry, now she screams blue murder if he tries to hold her at night. When I finally give in and take her she gives the most enormous sigh of relief!!! It's quite cute even though i am near breaking point! She used to at least go to sleep between 7-11, now I'm spending my entire evenings shusshing and feeding her. Gah!

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ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 13/12/2014 06:12

If you have DH's then leave them to it for a few nights, it might disturb the other kids, but it'll only be a few nights. They're holding you hostage! If you keep giving in they'll simply scream until they get what they want, your attention, if you don't go in they'll soon learn that they'll get Dad (no cuddles, eye contact etc, just pick up, once over check, back in the cot). No reward to waking up or waking you up.

Look at it this way, if I screamed in the middle of the night and someone brought me a large glass of baileys, a snack and a cuddle I'd be screaming too... Ignored and a sip of water not so much!!

I have no problem at all with people who happily feed their babies through the night, but if you don't want to, then don't, once they're a few months old they do not need it. It's habit.

If DH's are off over Christmas it's the ideal opportunity. But if not, start on a Thursday night. It is critical you don't go in though.

Good luck!

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Woodenheart · 13/12/2014 06:18

DD still feeds 3 - 4 times a night at 19 months, I have actually cried its so blinking hard some nights, we co-sleep though ( just me & DD) and she goes straight back to sleep.

She is a lot worse when teething or has a cold.

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Rhianna1980 · 13/12/2014 06:57

We had the same problem when my LO was the same age. We followed the HV's advice. We made sure she's been well fed and hydrated ( it was summer time) . We gave her dinner(cooked meal) and then supper right before a bath(can be cereal , yoghurt etc) then bf. Then we did the controlled crying like everyone advised us, we have a camera monitor to watch too for a peace of mind. It took 3-4 days for her to stop waking up in the night. Then occasionally she woke up again in the next few weeks but went back to sleep.
I was apprehensive of doing the cc as I hate seeing her cry but it had to be done as she doesn't need more nutrition in the night and she was always grumpy in the morning because of her interrupted sleep. There's no softy soft approach unfortunately . Your older kids might wake up and get upset but it will only be for few days promise . Think of the result

There comes a time when your body just can't function with interrupted sleep . My husband and I looked tired and worn out all the time, had few arguments all because of lack of sleep.

Your baby will wake up every now and then for various reason like teething or because they are sick with temp so do keep that in mind as well in the future . Best wishes

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SpaghettiMeatballs · 13/12/2014 07:57

That's what I'm hoping Chipping now DH is home for a few weeks. Starting tonight with a bit of milk in a bottle if that's what DS wants. At least we can reduce that night in night.

I haven't had much choice up until now because no DH but I am worried because previous attempts by DH to settle him have resulted in monumental tantrums where he actually bashes DH with his little fists.

He's a lovely baby in the day and he adores DH normally but he's got far to used to me taking the path of least resistance due to effect of two under three to care for on my own.

nonae I'm going back 3 days. I take my hat off to you. I think I've just been relying on him sorting this out himself. I didn't have to 'do' anything to DD!

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Misty9 · 13/12/2014 18:33

spaghetti I take my hat off to you and anyone else doing bedtime solo - I'm nearly crackers and that's with a lot of help from dh!

Well my three year old has driven us both up the wall today and the baby has had one nap for 45 minutes... praying for a good night or I might put him on eBay tomorrow!

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Misty9 · 13/12/2014 21:45

I feel like a monster :( dd went down at 6.45, up 20min llater for the other side, then again 90min after that. At which point I thought no, I'm not going to feed you. We took it in turns to hold her and also had her in the cot, but 40 minutes later she was still screaming at the top of her lungs and had nearly made herself sick :(
So I'm feeding her. She's so little still, I just can't do it :(

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McFox · 13/12/2014 23:09

Spaghetti I'm in the same boat - my DH works away all week and DS stopped sleeping through at 4 months. He's just turned 6 months and I'm trying to get him to drop the middle of the night feed he started wanting at 4 months by watering it down. He used to get 180ml of formula at 2am and now we're at 90ml of water with 1 scoop of formula at 4am, so we're getting there.

It's exhausting when you're on your own isn't it? My family are miles away too so sometimes I go and stay with my parents for a couple if nights just to get some help!

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Misty9 · 14/12/2014 20:45

Well, back to normal here this evenin and I've had my boob out twice already since bedtime... dd seems anxious if left alone or laid down and I feel awful that my ill fated attempt last night has resulted in this :( she wasn't like this before last night so it's a massive coincidence if so.

This too shall pass, this too shall pass...

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zoemaguire · 14/12/2014 21:12

Are you me?:) I'm onto feed 3 of the evening already. Dh used to be able to settle. Now, no way! I am too soft-hearted to let her cry. I guess it is separation anxiety kicking in, along with being too busy and distractible to feed much during the day. It will indeed pass. Hopefully soon! I am supposed to be in the pub with some friends right now, but sadly don't think there is much chance of getting away!

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zoemaguire · 14/12/2014 21:14

Indeed I'm so sleep deprived that I seem to have posted pretty much the exact same post twice on the same thread. Oops! Sorry...

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SpaghettiMeatballs · 14/12/2014 22:45

First disturb of the evening here so not too bad. I went out last night so DH said he would get up and feed DS. I'm amazed to say DS was ok with this. Usually chucks a tantrum if DH goes in at night.

misty I'm sure I'd have given in too. Unlike DD DS really goes for it. Full tears streaming down his face. Not the angry shouting people talk about at all.

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NocturnalBaby · 16/12/2014 15:18

My advice is pretty similar to some of the other posters. When my DS was 6.5 months to stop him feeding at night I spent a week timing how long he bf for at each feed, and reducing it by a few minutes every few nights. At the same time, during the day I fed him as much as I possibly could. Once I was pretty sure it wasn't real hunger, just learnt hunger and habit waking him, I stopped feeding him. Meant a few nights sitting next to his cot for an hour and a half at a time while he fussed, and I comforted him (picked him up as a last resort) if he actually got upset. After three nights cold turkey he slept through. 3 months later he still sometimes wakes up in the night, (I think because he's just that sort of baby!), but I never feed him and he never roots for food. It's pretty tough going, especially when you know your DS will settle down and you can get some more sleep if you just give in and feed - totally worth it though, even when we have a bad few nights with intermittent waking, the freedom of it not just being down to me feeding him all night makes a massive difference. Good luck.

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wildstrawberryplace · 16/12/2014 15:33

DS2 is coming up for 9 months and will wake up loads during the night - same as your DD I end up feeding him back to sleep. I have stopped looking at the clock as it just depresses me but he generally wakes up at least 3 times during the evening until I go to bed (we co sleep) and then another 3 or 4 times during the night.

I haven't done anything different than I did with DS1 and by this stage he was only waking for a dream feed and once during the night. I thought that was pretty bad but this is crazy, I am insanely tired.

My philosophy is just that it won't be forever, he is growing up all the time and in a year things will be much better. It is better than the early months when I would get an hour and a half between feeds during the night. At some stage, he'll just stop doing it.

Sorry, not much advice but I am right there with you. It sucks.