I'm going to lose what's left of my mind soon - please help! (Nap refuser)

[confusedgirlfromtheShire]

Oh dear god. Have six week old DS2. He is awake for three or four feeds in the night but has just started to settle better afterwards. The problem is the day time. First nap ok, goes down an hour after waking and sleeps another hour. But after that every single nap is a fruitless, exhausting battle which might lead to a quick cat nap but then he wakes because it's taken so long to get him off he's hungry again (he's a big lad, staying perfectly on his 98th centile for weight since birth). I know he's not hungry, there's no wind, he has a clean nappy, no nappy rash, he's not ill (checked by doc on monday), he's not too hot or too cold, has been cuddled (but he will only rarely settle or sleep on me for some reason), offered boob for comfort.... he is yawning his head off so I know he needs to sleep and have tried everything from the very first sign of tiredness.

I have tried cuddling, rocking, stroking, laying him on my chest, on his tummy on my lap, massaging him, offering boob for food and comfort (he's more often fed warm or room temp breast milk in a bottle), putting him in his vibrating chair, put the radio loud, on classic fm, used the Sleep Sheep (which works at night), putting him in his cosleeper in a darkened room and tried to sleep next to him in the bed for reassurance. I've put him in his pram and rocked him. waited to see if he's just grizzling and will self settle I've taken him for a walk to/round the big local Tesco (twice) and he's screamed his head off but keeps nodding off for a few seconds and yawning so the issue is he's desperately fighting sleep.

I am not going out to visit people at the moment so we can work on getting naps sorted, so my house has become our prison, but it's so awful I don't think we can go out and see people because we would have to leave again. I don't care what time the naps are and happy to go with his natural preference, but I know he needs to have them. He really is AWFUL and I am starting to get so angry and frustrated I am having to walk away and listen to him cry for a few minutes before regrouping and going back to him because after hours and hours of it, day in day out largely on my own for ten hours a day I am starting not to feel in control. Family and friends have seen the issue for themselves so it's not just me being crap. We have battled between us to get him to nap. Unlike me they love and are good with babies but even the most patient of them (my stepmum) has said "oh my god, stop bloody crying!" to him. It's so unfair on my eldest who is home with me on Fridays - I can't do anything with him because of DS2 squalling in our ears. Worse, I have chronic fatigue and I can't physically jiggle, rock and stroke him for hours, or walk for miles and miles. My muscles were in such pain last night when DH took over at 8pm I was in tears.

Wtf am I not doing, what else can I try and how the hell do I get through this? I hate the baby stage with a passion but know that it will be worth it if he turns out to be half as lovely as my beautiful four year old.

[didiimaginethis]

You have my sympathies op, a nap resister is soooo tiring. DS1 was a terrible nap resister and DS2 (5 weeks now) isn't looking too great.
Sounds like you've tried all the things I would try, the only things which really work for me (but not always unfortunately) are driving in car and baby in sling while I hoover vigourously.
I haven't been much help, but I feel your pain

[confusedgirlfromtheShire]

Ah yes, forgot to mention. We tried a sling and he hated it. I want to start driving again but relatively inexperienced since passing my test and frankly I have had so little sleep I don't feel safe on the road. Thanks so much for replying though, it does help to know I'm not on my own.....

[didiimaginethis]

PS I also loathe the baby stage too, feel bad for wishing away this time but it's so endlessly tiring, relentless and (I feel) boring!
I look at my eldest son who sleeps pretty well now and use that to remind myself that things WILL get better, they will for you too.
Is there anyone who can look after baby for a morning or afternoon so that you cam get some rest?

[drinkyourmilk]

Do you have money to spare on a craniel osteopath? That can sometimes help.
Is he showing signs of reflux at all? Pooing ok?
If he is given bottles would anyone else be willing to take him a couple of hours to let you get some sleep?

[drinkyourmilk]

Cranial

[confusedgirlfromtheShire]

drinkyourmilk Cranial osteopath might be worth a try. I did that for my eldest who had a crap birth with forceps. It really did help with the night time sleep. This birth was a good one, no instruments or drugs so I figured that would give me a calmer baby and no visit to the cranial osteopath needed. Hahahahaha. I will call her, thanks.

Reflux - don't think so. He has never been sick. But he is very very windy so I spend extra time burping him and don't give up until I get one. Loads of wees and nice yellow poos.

didI I get help where I can but my family is miles away (and largely useless with the baby, better utilised amusing DS1) and I can't ask more of my inlaws really as they look after DS1 and have a busy social life. They do come round a couple of times a week though. Do you have similar support?

[didiimaginethis]

Support varies for me, my MIL is great but lives miles away, she helps with DS1 about once a month. My DM comes once or twice a week, will take baby out for a walk so I can crash on sofa with DS1! That's the problem with your second/third child - you still have to look after the eldest!
Plus I'm ebf so DS2 can't go off for many hours.....that would be lovely