How important is it for baby to self settle?

[Rtfairy]

My DD is 11 months and I have tried and tried over the past 4 months to get her to self settle with very little success. How important is this really? After reading another thread on here maybe not very important at all, contrary to what the hv would have me believe?

I still cuddle dd to sleep every night, and repeat this if she wakes up in the night, the hv looked very disapproving when I said this but what actual harm will it do? Will she not eventually get to an age where she learns this on her own without my intervention as any sleep training we try is more distressing than it's worth.

[Bonsoir]

It is only important for your DD to self settle if it matters to you. FWIW my DD didn't self settle until she was about 5. It didn't matter to me. She is 10 now and a brilliant sleeper / self settler.

[TheBatteriesHaveRunOut]

The question is, for whom is this a problem?

If you're happy cuddling your dd to sleep, and clearly she is, then imo it's not a problem. There are things you can do to help her settle (there's a book called 'the no cry sleep solution' which is all about gently helping babies to self settle, and stay asleep) and some babies do just take time to learn how to get themselves off to sleep.

Of course it's useful if they can self settle, much easier if you want to go out for a night, or y'know, have a full night's sleep, but which is stressing you out more - her needing you to settle, or the disapproval of the HV?

It's all about what works for you, imo.

[Rtfairy]

I'm just not entirely convinced that she is waking me up in the night because she can't self settle IYSWIM. She'll go through a phase of sleeping all night for a while then we'll have a couple of weeks where she wakes several times a night.

[fuzzywigsmum]

What Batteries said.

[Riverland]

Babies learn to self settle, naturally, when they are ready to do so. They really do.

The more you cuddle your baby, the more secure she will be as a child and adult.

Do what works for you.

[Remembermyname]

I often wonder about this. Dd is 17 months and I still need to be there, cuddling or patting. It works for us atm so I figure it's something we'll sort at some point, but not just now

[TheBatteriesHaveRunOut]

I think the best time to sort out problems is when they are an actual problem. I thnk when your children are teenagers, lumping and grunting and slamming about the place, you'll look back on the cuddling and patting with fondness.

If a poor night's sleep is a big problem, then it needs sorting. But if everyone is doing OK, well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[LimesMum]

I'm sure you have seen my post 2 days ago on this very topic?

It's so hard and I sympathise as I'm having the exact same issue. I think teeth may be involved is your LO teething?

Feel like I've tried everything but nothing works so just carrying on with the cuddles, feeding to sleep, rocking etc!!

Have a look for my thread for lots of helpful comments (and some not so helpful....)

[Rtfairy]

Yes Limesmum it was your thread I was referring to, found some very helpful comments (ignore the unhelpful ones, completely uncalled for!)

I think teeth may be involved, I'm going to just continue as we are I'm tired but not unbearably so. I'm not sure I would be happy with her being unable to self settle until she's 5 though, am hoping for another DC before then and would like her to be sleeping reasonably well before we start ttc.

[roofio87]

Yes agreed that it doesn't matter if you don't feel it matters. my ds couldn't self soothe and was therefore still waking up 10 times a night (roughly every 45 mins) and needing rocking back to sleep. now that was a problem so I did cc (of a sort, he actually never really cried much) but because we were both so exhausted. when he learnt to self soothe he started sleeping through so was really important to us. But if you're happy then it's fine!!