He gets out of his cot!!

[BooseysMom]

Our DS co-sleeps next to our bed in his cot with the side of the cot down so I can get to him to b/f. He's 11 and a half months and I'm still ebf'ing. We put him down for his nap the other day and had the monitor on, when we heard a bang and we rushed upstairs to find him lying on the floor face down screaming! (he wasn't hurt) He'd managed to get out of the side of the cot. So we immediately put up all sides and moved it away from bed. After a totally sleepless night with him away from our bed, at 2am we ended up moving the cot back next to the bed and I continued to b/f every hour. I can do this now and sleep in between feeds as I'm so used to it as he's been doing this since birth!

The HV advised us to move him out of our room but we can't bring ourselves to do it. I have a feeling I've left it so late now that he'll be in with us for a few years. This doesn't actually bother me or my DH, but does bother my mum who says that b/f'ing after 12 months has negative consequences on his development (opposite to what I've read)

I actually enjoy b/f'ing but don't do it in public any more as he's a toddler now (he started walking at 10 months). I can't just cut b/f'ing out like that! My mum says to cut his feeds down to once a day and then cut out at night (as what HV said) as that's the only way to wean him off night feeds. But he's teething again and seems to need more comfort from b/f'ing.

I'm so worried he can get out of the cot as it is, but can't see any way to change it without the sleepless nights of endless crying that moving him away from me will cause.

Has anyone else got any similar experiences to this?
Thanks.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

No ideas about bedside cot, DD1 part co-slept, part slept in her cot in her room from six months.

What I can say is BFing way, way, way past 12 months doesn't seem to have effected her development at all.

Personally I'd stop bothering saying anything to your DM or the HV and just do what feels right to you.

[BooseysMom]

Elephants, thank you! You're not the first one to say don't listen to DM or HV!!! You don't know how much better that makes me feel! My instinct is to carry on BFing as long as we both want. My friends have carried on until their LOs have been 2, 3 or even 4!! My DM doesn't have a clue really as she has never even done it. If she had, my milk would have been mostly made up of nicotine as she chain smoked all thru her pregnancy with me!!

[Heels99]

If you put a gro bag in him back to front so he can't unzip it could he still climb out the cot? Does it have sides?

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

DD said she would give up when she started school, she didn't.

I have a DF who stopped at 5 only because her DD kept coming into their bed. She's a bit soft, DD1 had worked years before that annoying DM at night was bad karma.

Other DFs including a doctor fed their DCs well into toddlerhood. I don't know when they gave up. As you say people don't tend to feed bigger DCs in public. DD2 used to stretch out and kick things, so cafes etc. became impossible.

[BooseysMom]

Hi Heels, thanks for the msg. he tries his best to climb out in his gro bag at night, but I'm there so it's ok. For day time naps he doesn't have a gro bag on as I put him down asleep after feeding. the cot has sides but we leave the one down at night so I can b/f. We could put them all up in the day and then take one off at night but that means waking him up when we go up! There's no easy solution

[BooseysMom]

Hi Elephants, I can just see our DS doing it to this age! It doesn't bother me as I enjoy it and so does he. It's just other people's prejudices really. I'll just tell them what they want to hear and do what I feel is right for us. I might get the book, Breastfeeding your Toddler

[fuzzywigsmum]

Your mum's talking nonsense. The World Health Organisation recommends BFing til 2 years so there are clearly benefits to feeding past 1 year. Have you got a la leche league group locally? My local group does a specific meet up for people BFing toddlers. A local attatchment parenting group might also be supportive.

My mum is a bit the same about BFing and tries to find any reason she can to tell me to stop. DD2 started biting me the other week so DM said that should definitely be it! It's misjudged but it comes from a good place as she thinks BFing is draining me. Your DM and HV might also just be concerned for you - especially as you seem to be getting very little sleep. Arguably DC is also not getting the unbroken sleep they need if they're feeding every hour. However you don't need to stop BFing to night wean. I mostly stopped feeding DD2 at night at about 7 months and now only do so when she's ill. It was a gradual process over a few months but did involve having to teach her to fall asleep without feeding to sleep.

But of course, if you're happy with things as they are you should carry on. Have you thought about all sleeping on a mattress on the floor so that DC can be safely in with you?

[BooseysMom]

Hi Fuzzywigsmum, thanks for your msg. I also read that the WHO recommends BFing to 2 years and I actually said this to my DM, but I may as well talk to a wall as nothing I say goes in! As you say, DM and HV may both be advising me to stop for my own benefit, but also DM says that DS should have his own room by now even if that means leaving him to cry. HV says only do control crying as a last resort as DS relies too much on BF for comfort. As for stopping night feeds, I am really worried that I will never be able to stop this and like you say, it is quite worrying that he is every night since birth he has had broken sleep. He does tend to sleep a couple of hours in the day so I think that must be to make up for the broken sleep he gets every night. When you taught your DC to fall asleep without feeding, did you have to do control crying? I just can't bear it - have only tried once and lasted about 3 mins!

I have thought about us sleeping on a mattress on the floor but really hate the thought of spiders that may creep about at night!!

[Iggly]

Do you mean he's in a cot with very low sides so you can cosleep? That is quite dangerous - I had mine in bed with me.

If he's feeding every half an hour have you ruled out why? E.g. reflux, tongue tie etc?

I fed my two to sleep until they didn't want to anymore. I'm still feeding dd, who's nearly 3.

I got them to self settle by trying it every now and then - but for this you need a proper cot or bed so they can't hurt themselves. So I'd feed, wind then cuddle and put down (on tummy) and see what happened. Sometimes they'd surprise me and settle sometimes not!

[littlesupersparks]

Travel cot for day time naps and co sleeper for bed time (after you have gone to bed - travel cot until then if he goes up first)

And BF as long as it makes you both happy!

[josephine1986]

We are in a similar boat but fortunately dd doesnt (yet) move about in the evening.She has fallen out of bed during naps when left alone though, it was horrible but it happens.

We put her in a grobag and then surround the edges with pillows/duvet, and cover any edges nearby with pillows/spare duvets so a fall wouldnt be serious. We wlso have some foam wedge things designed for.toddler beds we bought them on amazon. They slip under the sheets and provide a.firm raised edge. Sorry hard to explain. Might be worth a try?

Like you i dont like idea of mattress on the floor bbut many people do that ws it seems the ideal solution.

[josephine1986]

We got a few.of these
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B002NYC5LI?pc_redir=1413707375&robot_redir=1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[BooseysMom]

Hi Iggly, 3 sides of the cot are high and one is down to the same height as the bed mattress so I can feed during the night. He can't roll out if I'm there as I wake up at the slightest move/noise. It was in the day time that he fell out as he got out of the side and he did it so quietly as we didn't hear it happen until it was too late. He was in bed with us up to about 8 months but he got too big and would tend to over-heat.
I think his frequent feeding is down to habit to be honest as I have ruled out reflux and tongue tie. It could also be down to teething as the suckling helps with his gums. He's teething again now and the feeding does seem to be more frequent.
I think I'm going to be like you and BF my DS to whenever we both feel like it - and I'm not going to do it in public or tell my family who can be very hard on me about it as my DM says it's bad for his development although this hasn't been proved apparently.

[BooseysMom]

Hi littlesupersparks, thanks for the advice, that's a good idea to use travel cot in the day and co-sleeper for bed time. He's fine in the cot at night with the side down next to me in bed, it's exactly like a co-sleeper. I just can't leave him in there for day time naps.
Thanks also for saying to BF as long as we both want. I only wish my family were that relaxed about it!

[stargirl1701]

Ditch the cot and put him in your bed with a bed guard? How high is your bed?

[BooseysMom]

Hi Josephine1986, Thanks for the msg and the link to the foam wedges - i haven't seen those. I have seen barrier type things that you attach to the bed. I will have a word with my DH and see what he says about the wedges. I also like the idea of spreading out duvets and pillows around the bed.
Thanks.

[Andcake]

When ds had a cot with a similar arrangement we put our duvet and cushions around the floor so that if he fell out it would be a soft landing.
We changed our co sleeping habits around 18 months by putting ds into a grown up single bed with bedside cot in the same arrangement in his own room. I would (and still) start in my bed but then if he needs me I go in. About 2 nights a week we cosleep from about midnight other nights I spend the whole night in mine and dp's bed.

[littlesupersparks]

You could try adding a bed guard between cot and bed and just remove it at night?

Put mine in their cot bed in their room for naps and next to me at night. I really don't think you should stick with the co sleeper arrangement for naps. A low toddler bed would be safer!!!
And seriously you have ages before you have to consider giving up bf. I night weaned eldest at about 14 months because I was back at work and tired. But if it's working why stop! I don't understand people who think you shouldn't. Why the hell not!!! lol. Just weaned my youngest kind of against my will because I was sooooo exhausted early pregnancy. It wasn't working even though ideally we would have carried on.

[fuzzywigsmum]

I didn't do CC. I sat by the cot until DD2 fell asleep. It took a long time, wasn't much fun and there was still a lot of crying involved. But I'm glad I did it as both me and DD2 get a lot more sleep which means I'm a better mum to DD1, nicer to DP etc.

Have you looked at the No Cry Sleep Solution? It gives suggestions of more gentle ways to help babies sleep better. I found parts of it helpful - although for DD2 the more gradual approaches to getting her to fall asleep without the boob just didn't work. In the end I had to let her get there the hard way ie crying in her cot but I was with her the whole time , talking to her and holding her in the cot. She went almost instantly from needing a boob in her mouth to sleep to only nursing a few times a night.

[fuzzywigsmum]

PS at 11 months you'd expect a baby to sleep at least 2 hours a day on top of 11 hours at night.

[BooseysMom]

Thanks for the messages those I haven't replied to.

Littlesupersparks: Bed guard is a great idea thanks.
Also your comments about why bother giving up b/f if you don't want to! I totally agree. I haven't had to go back to work so have not forced the issue but pressure from my DM is the only reason I've had to consider it ... but I shall be ignoring it and following my instincts! Sorry to hear you had to wean your youngest. Sometimes b//f just doesn't work does it? I was lucky in that my DS loved it from the beginning. If I don't have a second child at least I could b/f my only one!

Fuzzywigsmum: I haven't tried the No Cry No Sleep Solution. I'll have a look at it. My DS does sleep around 12 hours a night but wants to feed more in the early hours. At the moment I am waking up at 3.30am after feeding and not able to get back to sleep but my DS is in a deep sleep then until the next feed an hour later and so it goes on!