Baby won't go to sleep

[purpleme12]

My baby's 12 months and has gone to bed about 7 give or take for quite a while now. Apart from the odd time she's been ok at going to bed. For the last week she's flat out refused crying as soon as you put her in the cot. And I mean it's the kind of crying that you can't just leave and she won't be comforted. (in the past there's been the kind of crying where you can go in pick up and put down to tell her to go to sleep etc) this is the kind of screamy crying and she doesn't stop and you end up getting her out again. T~hen there's a mix of playing happily and needing to be picked up the whole time. Til about 9.30. I don't understand! I can't leave her crying it's not that sort of cry! Why's she doing this??

[purpleme12]

she wont even have her milk before bed - I think cos she knows it means sleep. starts crying normally if she didn't want her milk shed just push it away. even more surprising I put her in her cot she styarts crying and she wont even have her dummy just refuses and carries on crying and crying

[Quodlibet]

Mine is 10m and doing a version of this too. It's driving me mental. No answers though just sympathy.

[purpleme12]

Thank you it's just like a complete change!

[StepDoor]

Could it be her molars?

[purpleme12]

Well she's got no teeth so she is overdue but I don't think there's any other signs of teething

[Flissity83]

They get separation anxiety around that ago so could be that. My mantra is "everything's a phase". It will pass. In the mean time, if she needs you, she needs you.

[purpleme12]

Thanks. Yesterday when I left her for 2 mins with someone she didn't know she cried til she was with me and today I left her with someone at stay and play while I went to the toilet she cried too. So I guess she is a bit like that I didn't know whether you'd class this as separation anxiety or not. She's never been a baby who'll play for ages by themselves anyway she'll play for a short while then cry for me to be picked up or to entertain her in some way. I guess I just don't want her to get into the habit of needing me to go to sleep cos in the end I ended up having her lie close into me on the settee tonight - she still resisted but I held her and she went to sleep after a bit. But what you say makes sense.

[Beckyp246]

My baby is almost 10 months and started doing same thing. In our case it's def separation anxiety and he's doing similar things to your baby - just not wanting to be left, esp. not at night whereas he used to go to asleep fine by himself. I've been doing gradual retreat method which is generally working ... because his cry is genuine and not a tantrum I'm not doing any sort of controlled crying, just soft and gentle so he trusts I'm there. I don't want him to get used to being settled, like you, but the idea is that you do less settling every 3 nights so you sort of gently wean them off needing help whilst building their trust that you are there if needed. I started a sleep thread this week called separation anxiety/ sleep regression which goes into more details with what I've been doing in case it might help to read? Something that's also massively helped is putting him in cot a few times a day and playing peek a boo behind nursery door and also reading to him whilst he's in there ... It's really helped him start to enjoy his cot again and feel comfortable. Good luck, I know it's very upsetting x

[purpleme12]

It is upsetting cos I can't leave her crying I don't know if people who do control crying have these screamy unconsolable cries but there's no way I can do that if baby cries like this

Is gradual retreat where you stay next to the cot? Cos I just put her down for her nap and she did the same thing cried as soon as going into her cot. This time I sat next to the cot and the crying became a better sort and she went to sleep (maybe took 10 mins at a guess?) this is first time I've done this

[Beckyp246]

Yes, there a few different variations for it but the one we're doing is 3 nights by cot with patting and shushing if needed. Then 3 days in middle of room with shushing if needed, then 3 days in doorway with shushing, then 3 days behind door with shushing if needed. If the baby wakes in the night you're meant to be in the same position as you were at bedtime. We've just done our first night in middle of room and it was fine. So far for us it's working and ds much calmer and sleeping much, much better. Still can't quite imagine he'll let us leave the room but we'll see! I think you can do it for naps too but we're just doing nights ... Ds's naps have always been shocking so we're focussing on the nights at this point!!
Maybe give it a go, sounds like your dc might respond well to it? Good luck!

[purpleme12]

Well I did it for 2nd nap of the day and also at bedtime and it seems to work so far! It really seems to be that she needs to know im there! And today we had the best cuddle before bed too!

[Beckyp246]

Ah that's great! So lovely when they are happier x

[purpleme12]

It is I feel so much better I've managed to so something about it too!

I don't want to count my chickens just yet though we'll see if we can carry it on... X

[purpleme12]

It hasn't worked tonight at all she was late going to bed and is now up for some reason and starting by her side and pick up put down not working either :-(