1 year old with no sleep routine - HELP!

[Staceymummy85]

Ok, so I take all of the blame. I have completely messed up any chance of a sleep routine with my little girl, who is just about to turn one. My husband moved out when she was 7 weeks old and unfortunately, creating a good bedtime routine was the last thing on my mind. Now I am definitely paying the price. It is always stressful getting her to bed as she won't settle by herself, she wakes 2-3 times during the night for a feed (usually 3-4oz) and when she does wake, usually ends up in my bed as she screams until I give in. I'm so tired that I just usually cave and go whatever gets us to sleep quickest.

Due to space within the house she is currently sleeping in my room still (in her cot). She was supposed to be moving in to share with her sister (a 4 year old) but I am concerned she will just keep her awake and so won't move her.

When my eldest was this age she had a good routine and would go to sleep really nicely, and was usually sleeping through the night. I don't really like controlled crying, but what usually happens is I reach my breaking point and just leave her to cry herself to sleep and then feel guilty afterwards. The poor little mite struggles with separation anxiety in the day and cries when I leave her - I don't know if it's a product of the marital split but she does seem much more clingy than my eldest. I've tried mentioning it to my health visitor, but I just get told to leave her to cry and I really struggle with that. It's upsetting for both of us and we still don't get any sleep.

I really want to try and find a nice way to help her have a more peaceful bedtime (she has the same problem at nap time) and also to cut out the night waking so we can all start to get some rest. I find it really hard to be firm in the night when I'm on my own and have no support.

Has anybody else been in a similar situation - any tips??

Thanks

[confusedandemployed]

Are you unhappy sharing your bed with her? If you are not, why not just continue? It's not something I'd ever be happy doing, but plenty do and it works well for most of them.

If you're not happy to share your bed with her, the only way to stop these habits is to get tough with her. Be prepared for a couple of nights of hell and just grit your teeth and get on with it. I found CC worked surprisingly quickly: go to her after 2 mins, put her back down and tell her 'sleepytime'. Then go back after 4 mins, do the same etc. After a few times just go in and put her back down, no talking at all.

Regarding the milk - well again, you will have to get tough with her. Just offer water and deal with the fallout. It won't last forever.

It's tough though isn't it - and it must be so much tougher on your own. You have my admiration