Sleep training a toddler (18 months old)

[JulesOdea]

I'm desperate and would appreciate any helpful advice from mothers who have been through this.

We have only recently started sleep training with our daughter who is now 18 months old. Before we started sleep training we used to have her lie in our arms until she was asleep and then put her into her cot asleep. She used to be pretty good about going to sleep and would nap for around 45 minutes in the morning (she only has one nap a day) and then sleep at night from 7pm and wake once around midnight and we would then fetch her and put her in our bed where she would sleep until 6am. We do have a set nightime routine and we are sticking to that, the only difference being that we now put her in her cot awake in order for her to fall asleep on her own.

We started the sleep training about 2 weeks ago (they say it should take 3 or 4 nights, yeah right!). When we first started the training I would put her in her cot to sleep and then sit with my back to her until she fell asleep, getting up every now and then to lie her down - she would cry throughout. We had fairly good results with her falling asleep after maybe an hour and on the one or two very good days she fell alseep in 15 minutes and would nap for 2 hours and at night would settle herself back to sleep if she woke up. After a few days I started leaving the room and then coming back to her every 10 or 15 minutes to soothe her (not picking her up) and then leave the room again (she would still be crying). It has now been 2 weeks and she is getting so much worse. She will scream (not cry, scream) solidly for 2 hours or more until either she falls asleep (yesterday I gave up on the nap after having her scream for 2 hours) or I give up. Her little voice is so hoarse after all of the crying and I spend my time crying trying to get her to sleep. She has also started having crying fits during the day and she just doesn't seem her usual happy self. I feel like an awful mother, like I'm breaking her.

I can't listen to her screaming any longer and it is breaking my heart doing this to her. I don't want to go back to what we were doing before but I honestly don't know what else to do. I have even contacted a 'sleep expert' but haven't decoded yet whether I should go ahead with it or not. What can I do?

[Pinkrose1]

Heavens. I am about to start what you are doing and it's given me second thoughts. I can imagine DS screaming for 2 hours and not giving in.

Sounds like a nightmare.

[AnotherStitchInTime]

Back track and slow down your retreat from the room, try a more gradual retreat. Go back to sitting by the cot, maybe hold her hand if she is still really distressed just for a few days for reassurance. Then stop holding hand and just sit there. Then after a few days sit further away but still in her eye line. Move every few days towards the door until you are at the door with it open, then to outside the door. Use your voice to reassure her that you are still there if necessary. I found a lullaby toy and soft teddy/blanket useful as comforters to my eldest two.

[spekulatius]

You let yet cry for 2 hours? Surely she's telling you that she is not ready yet. Do you mean that she sleeps from 7 to 12 and then 12 to 6? Sounds lovely to me. Is there a reason she can't stay in your bed? DD is 20 months and we co-sleep, she used tp wake up every 45 minutes, now only wakes up once or twice. She did it in her own, I didn't interfere. They are still small.

[JulesOdea]

We had already tried the gradual retreat and controlled crying methods before trying the cry it out technique. We contacted the sleep trainer on Saturday and my daughter has been sleeping through ever since and naps have also started to improve (after just 2 days). We still have a long way to go but things are so much better, way better than I could have hoped in the time we've been doing this.

The 2 hours of crying was because we had tried so many methods that she was confused and didn't know where she stood, which is completely understandable.

For anybody in the Epsom area, I can highly recommend Hannah (www.timeforsleep.co.uk/). Sleep training is definitely the hardest and most emotionally draining thing I've ever done. If we hadn't called Hannah we would be co-sleeping now.

Good luck Pinkrose1.

[Pinkrose1]

Thank you. Dreading it all. Did Hannah give you anything that could be used generally.? Or in my case?

Fingers crossed you have cracked it!