Desperate for help with 5 year old DD - wont sleep through the night

[MinginInTheRain]

My 4 (5 next month) year old DD wakes up every night and wants me to sleep with her. She has a double bed so I get in and sleep. But it's disturbed sleep and I am shattered.

I tried Millpond when she was 18 months old. Did it for 6 months. It worked in that she would sleep on her own for a bit of the night rather than on top of me but the waking up in the night has never improved. To be honest it was horrendous - not exactly CC but endless coming and going - waiting outside the room for 10-20 seconds etc trying to get her to lie down rather than stand up in her cot and cry/scream.

I ended up sleeping on her floor just trying to get her to sleep in her bed. Hours of her crying as she wanted me in her bed. Feel it was way too traumatic for her and me.

I gave up after 6 months. Since then she has needed cuddles or hand holding to fall asleep and wakes in the night. If I creep out again she invariably wakes up again.

The only times she has slept through was when she is physically exhausted (running around for hours usually on holiday which isn't practical most days!) and nterestingly when I was away for and she didn't bother waking DH up at all!

I know she wants me but I can't do this anymore. Have tried sticker charts and promising her Build a Bear if doesn't wake up but she just will not.

I was talking to some mums today about how their kids routinely sleep from 6pm -6am and it has really got to me. I need my sleep. Any advice please wise MNetters...

[WaffleWiffle]

My friend got into this situation with her daughter.

Because you sleep in her bed, that is what she wants. So you need to teach her that she must sleep on her own in bed.

Do you have a supportive husband? It is going to be very hard work and tiring for you in the short term- but the answer is 'back to bed' in my opinion. Just keep on putting her back to bed and leave the room to go to your own bed. It may take a while and lots of tears and tantrums, but you will get there.

when I was away for and she didn't bother waking DH up at all!

This should tell you all you need to know. She can sleep on her own without any issue, so is just playing you. You need to be firm in order to be kind here.

[MinginInTheRain]

Thank you for replying Wafflewiffle. I know she can do it but she talks about feeling sad and lonely in the night. I tried the back to bed thing (for weeks not just a couple of days) when she was younger and she was so stubborn it didn't work. Was going on for hours every night.

Not sure I can do it again. My DH works away a lot so it's just me. Do you know how long it took your friend?

[Iggly]

I would put her in a small single. A double is quite big for a five year old. Make her feel more secure and

[Iggly]

*more secure and safe? Then you can't sit in bed with her.

Don't make a big deal about swapping beds though.

Also have a chat with her outside of bedtime to ask why she needs you.

[Davidtennantmistress]

My four year old would sleep next to me, every night I had hysterics at 1 am why are you doing this to me mummy, (after I'd returned him again to his bed) turned out he actually didn't like his bed, he was hysterical, he had a new one, he tried it again, and like your dd ds is stubborn, but ultimately you need to take control, she is a child telling you where to sleep, surely it should be the other way? I do sympathise totally but that and a gro clock would be my suggestions.

[surroundedbyblondes]

We recently bit the bullet with DD2 who for a whole variety of reasons would come in during the night and sleep in our bed. She was so wriggly and wanted snuggly, close body contact all night which was spoiling everyone's rest.

First night we did 20 'rapid returns' next night it was three and within a week she was staying in her bed all night long. Generally she wakes once during the night (often for a wee) so we are still getting up for her, but once she has been taken to the loo, we just take her back to bed, give her a kiss and leave the room. It's working!

We got her to choose a new toy to have with her in bed and she has a little night light that she can hold.

We're not at the sleeping 7-7 in a single stretch yet, but she does 7-7 in her own bed which is bliss for us and the quality of the sleep that we get!!