How do you get a baby to sleep NOT being held?

[2labs]

4.5 wk old ds cries every time I try to put him down for a while during the day (night is not too bad at the moment as he seems to almost have the hang of bath+cot+darkness etc = sleep time, after a few false starts each night). I've tried it as soon as he seems sleepy, when he's actually asleep, and when he's fully awake, and nothing works. Sometimes he cries straight away, sometimes a few mins later, and going to him and talking/patting doesn't cut any ice with him - he has to be picked up and then it takes a while of cuddling before he's calm again. I've taken to carrying him round in the sling most of the day, but all the books I've read say that I need to try to show him how to nap somewhere other than on me... How do you do it? I left him to cry for 5 minutes yesterday as had got so fed up with it I left him in the pram in another room and went to calm myself down - he was still crying when I got back and it took me ages to soothe him again. Will he just start to do it naturally as he gets older or are all those books right and I need to do something now?

[Iklboo]

We were so lucky we didn't have this problem - but found that when DS was grizzly, a shotr spell in a baby swing sent him off to sleep without having to be held

[Twiglett]

swaddle him (never did this but believe it can help)

[2labs]

iklboo - yes we tried that a couple of times yesterday having borrowed my sister's baby swing... he looked confused for about 30 secs then waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

[throckenholt]

white noise

seriously I saw this work with a friends baby the other day - very grizzly every time the was put donw, until we happened to put the mini-hoover near him (the older kids had been playing with it) - it mesmerised him - he went quiet immediately and fell asleep in minutes.

Apparently anything like an out of tune radio, washing machine etc works.

[Twiglett]

although I would say to throw away the books .. he's 4 weeks old .. he's not aware he's separate from you .. if it doesn't worry you carrying him round in a sling (ie you're happy doing it) then just do it .. do not worry about 'bad habits' which is patently crap advice ... babies change so much over first year .. you can't give him bad habits under 6 months IMHO

[2labs]

he struggles like mad to get out of swaddles now - he used to like it but now it just makes him cross!

[Twiglett]

yes white noise good

also moses basket at your feet

[Iklboo]

Oh yes - tumble drier worked with DS - also me wearing one of his muslins under my t-shirt for a couple of hours then putting it in his pram with him. Though, like I said, we were SO lucky with him

[Mum2FunkyDude]

He is too young to understand that you don't dissapear when you leave the room, they only get the hang of that at about 6 months. I've also read that they do not know how to self soothe before at least 3-4 months including getting themselves to sleep (this is the age where you can teach him how to self soothe. Also countrolled crying is not a good idea at this young age, the recommended age is only about 8 - 9 months. Is it possible that he has a bit of relux that acts up when he is horizontal?

[2labs]

will try white noise, thanks.

Was hoping someone wd say that twiglett (about it not forming bad habits)... I know this sounds awful but he is such a grumpy sod and I can't do anything with him, however gently, without it making him cry. I am really hoping he does change and chills out. I love him to bits but don't like him very much at the moment .

[2labs]

m2fd - I think he does prefer to be more upright. We've tilted his cot a bit. Didn't actually intend to do controlled crying with him yesterday. It was more of a sanity-saving measure and I just needed to get a door between us to think straight. I wouldn't leave him to cry as part of trying to 'sleep train' him as he obviously just gets more and more wound up.

[Twiglett]

He will change and chill out

He is very very young ... he thinks he's part of you .. its scary to be on your own

he will change so much over the next 3 months .. he may like to be put down at 3 months whilst he hates it now

so IF you're ok with carrying him in a sling ... keep it up

(d'ya want me to round up the other mums here who agree with me? there's loads of them )

[2labs]

I am going to believe you twiglett... will be round to hand him over to you at 4 months if it's not true.

[Twiglett]

[Mum2FunkyDude]

Hi 2Labs, sorry just reread your post, you were absolutely right to do that. I've done, as well, and realised its easier to rock him to sleep! If you have a baby carrier (car seat) try putting him in that, it keeps him upright and you can keep him close to you. Have you tried putting a t-shirt or something you've worn over his sheet so that it can smell of you?

My son had very bad reflex, he would fall asleep and 5 min later wake up with a bang! It turned out that he would shake himself awake. It is the reflex we inherited from our monkey ancestry (the falling out of the tree one) don't let go. As a result they shake themselves awake. I read a book where the woman suggested the following and it worked for us; rock him to sleep, put him down and stay with him, as soon as you see he starts to move, gently put your hands on his arms and keep them still until he goes into a deep sleep (only takes about 10 min to do this). I need to add that ds hated swaddling and it never worked for us!

HTH

[FrannyandZooey]

Some child development experts refer to the first three months after birth as "the fourth trimester". Our babies are only born so undeveloped because if their heads got any larger they would not be able to fit through our pelvises. I totally agree with Twiglett - he is tiny and his wants are the same as his needs right now - cuddle him to sleep if that is what he needs, but yes get yourself a ring sling to save your arms.