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Lying down with 20 month old until she goes to sleep

6 replies

Dearbhla · 25/08/2006 12:39

Hi everyone,

I have a DD who is 20 months and has never gone to sleep on her own without either me or DP with her. She is still in a cot but there is a single bed in her room and we lie down with her until she is asleep and then put her into the cot. She will wake during the night, when we bring her into our bed and she will sleep until morning. Is this such a bad idea? I have tried leaving her to cry, with me in the room, but she just gets so hysterical. Does anyone else do this with their babies?

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flatmouse · 25/08/2006 12:43

As far as i'm aware, you do what you have to do, and if it works for you then that's great. It's not something i have tried myself.

As a warning tho, my DB & SIL did this with theirs - they often have to do it still - and their children are now 6 & 8.

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Tutter · 25/08/2006 12:43

hi dearbhla. no-one can tell you what is right or wrong, but if you would like your dd to be able to go to sleep on her own, and stay in her room, then you need a plan.

i'm sure someone with experience of this will be along soon, but i imagine one way of dealing with it would be to start a very gradual withdrawal process, whereby you start off with the single bad right up next to her cot and lie holding her hand or stroking her til she goes to sleep. then you would move the bed away a bit at a time, then take the bed out altogether and just sit in the room.

the alternative would be the short sharp way - maybe controlled crying, but i'm guessing this may not be for you..?

good luck xxx

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JessaJam · 25/08/2006 12:44

Have you tried getting her to sleep on the bed with you sitting next to her rather than lying? Will she lie in the cot with you right next to it?Gradually reducing the ammount of contact over many days...until she falls alseep alone

Maybe waking up and crying because she went to sleep in one place with company and then wakes up, inexplicably somewhere else and alone.

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Tutter · 25/08/2006 12:44

(in case it wasn't clear, once you are just sitting in the room, you continue the process by moving further away, until you get to the stage when you leave the room).

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MrsBigD · 25/08/2006 13:04

Dearbhla... just can echo if it works for you and you're happy with the situation do as YOU want to. Everybody does it differently.

We used to lie down with both dd and ds did the slow withdrawal method as described earlier on here. Couldn't bring myself to do the controlled crying thing . Simply did it because I couldn't get to sleep properly with kids in bed with me

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Dearbhla · 28/08/2006 12:02

Thanks for all your replies. Over the weekend, I have actually put her into the single bed to sleep instead of the cot and she is sleeping much better. I still lie down with her but put a sleepy time tape on and usually by the time that is finished (15 mins), she is asleep. I think the fact that she is so relaxed when she is going to sleep instead of being hysterical when I tried the controlled crying has worked. She still wakes and we bring her into our bed. I also have a DD aged 6 and had to lie down with her until she was about 4. She goes off to bed on her own now so at least I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel! I had PND after DD2 and I have come to the conclusion that you just have to do what works for you even though it might be the wrong way to do things.