7 yr old won't/can't get to slerp when alone.

(31 Posts)
KaFayOLay Sun 20-Apr-14 22:43:44

As title.

Child has to be sat with until asleep. When asleep, a stealth like removal of oneself from her bedroom is then necessary. If she wakes, you have to stay with her again.

If left to sleep on her own, she doesn't. She doesn't do anything, she just lies in bed but doesn't drop off.

I go to bed at 10pm. We go to bed about 7:30, I read to her for about 15 mins, we have a cuddle and then we lie there...and lie there....and lie there. More often than not, I go from her bed straight to my own.

We have tried leaving her, she's still lying awake at 11pm. I don't sleep as I need to check her. Tonight I have left her and she's still awake. So mad, told her I wasn't waiting to turn her light off and that I'm fed up of it. She's currently sobbing in dh's bedroom now.

What can I do?
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Yes, she needs to learn to sleep on her own but to do so means she'll be in her knees tired at school, weepy and grumpy.
But, I can't keep on like this, it's been going on years.

My dh used to put to bed whilst I was out and was quite happy to sit with her. I have been doing bed duty 8 months now. In his defense, she has got worse over time, not better.

Anybody any bright ideas, preferably not just leave her to it ones though.

I'm seriously thinking of taking her to the doctor, surely it's not normal!

ImAThrillseekerBunny Sat 26-Apr-14 22:54:38

It's honestly not good for her health to sleep with a light on, and it can't be helping her to get to sleep in the first place. Maybe an automated dimming light would be a possibility.

KaFayOLay Sat 26-Apr-14 23:34:41

She doesn't sleep with the light on, I switch it off later.
It is an 80 watt bulb, so not Blackpool Illuminations.

If leaving the light on for an hour means the difference between waking and staying asleep, then it will be staying on.

I'm not sweating the small stuff, my main issue is actually getting her to fall asleep.

BuzzardBird Sun 27-Apr-14 09:45:34

Could she have a lamp? Dd had a touch one with three different brightnesses. It doesn't make a sound and you can just touch it to dim it. I do feel your pain, this is just something that we have learned to live with and do what we can to improve it.

KaFayOLay Sun 27-Apr-14 12:07:25

I know the lamps you mean, eldest dd has one, that might be an idea.

carolinementzer Mon 28-Apr-14 17:40:54

I agree with Delphiniumblues, stuffofawesome and Kafayolay about teaching your DD to relax herself. I taught my DD 3.5yr old to do acupressure on herself in order to self soothe.

We had this idea as my husband also hated falling asleep on his own, but as a very small boy used to rub his tummy to relax himself to sleep, he says it was a form of meditation for him. Anyway, it worked a treat.

Also I agree with the above comments that say to ask your DD what she would like at bedtime, other than your presence or what is the reason she needs you there.

If it is fear - then maybe you could address it with Bach flower remedies (again, not sure your stance on this). But when my daughter suffered from nightmares - they worked really well. I used a product called Sleepeasy by Indigo essence www.indigoessences.com/

Here's my blog post on it - and on the acupressure points to use.
mydaughterwontsleep.com/2013/12/27/the-sleep-inducing-power-of-acupressure/
mydaughterwontsleep.com/2014/03/13/does-your-child-have-nightmares/

Just one last note which I'm sure you've thought of already - but do make your DD's diet is free from any type of stimulants and chemicals e.g. sweeteners, chemical additives, preservatives, artificial flavourings, colourings and of course caffeine & sugar etc. I've worked with children who could not switch off themselves until these were removed from their diet. Good luck and best wishes.

KaFayOLay Sun 11-May-14 22:22:47

An update.

I bought the recommended 'Sitting like a frog'.
I read to her, we put on track 11, the sleep exercise and listen to that. I have to remind her to shut her eyes but less so now. I then turn the CD back randomly, turn it down and she is asleep within 10 minutes. I leave the CD to play out when I go.
I am still sitting with her at the moment but plan on not doing during the next half term. As it only takes me 30 mins to 'do' bedtime, I don't mind sitting with her for the time being.
She has woken on one occasion but I told her I'd be back, to listen to the CD (I left just as sleep exercise was starting) and try to drop off. Lo and behold, she did. The first time in many years.

So, a good recommendation, thank you smile.

As an aside, I was listening to R4 this week and they were saying they are considering teaching mindfulness in schools. Having read the book, I can see why they are considering it.

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