Co-sleeping advice please!

(16 Posts)
Teabiscuits Thu 03-Apr-14 11:49:56

I am 17 weeks pregnant with DC4. DC3 was a nightmare to settle as a newborn and wouldn't go down in the Moses basket at all. DH and I were terrified to co-sleep on advice of just about every midwife and health visitor we spoke to (don't do it unless you want to kill your baby). As a result, DH and I took it in turns to sleep, he would sleep for a few hours while I stayed up with the baby, then he would stay awake and watch me co-sleeping with baby to make sure nothing happened. It was ridiculous, we were both shattered until DS went onto bottles which knocked him right out and allowed us to put him in the Moses basket.
DS will be 14 months old when this one arrives and I just can't cope with that little sleep if this one is the same and won't be put down. I also would like to bf for longer if I can.
We don't smoke, take medication and who drinks with a newborn anyway? If I have the bed to myself with baby, take off the pillows and use sheets and blankets is it really as dangerous as we get told?
I know it's very early to worry about this, but would rather make a positive decision now!

Teabiscuits Thu 03-Apr-14 11:51:58

I mean we don't smoke or take medication!

squishysquirmy Thu 03-Apr-14 12:16:16

We cosleep with our DD - didn't plan to before she was born, but she just wouldnt settle without us! We were given a pamphlet (amongst many others while leaving hospital) on co-sleeping safely - so even though it is not recommended, I think our hospital must recognise that enough people do it for it to be worth issuing guidance.
I found this info on mumsnet: www.mumsnet.com/babies/cosleeping

We were told that the biggest risk was overheating, so we keep the bedroom a lot cooler than we would do if it was just us and she sleeps in the middle of the bed so she can't roll out. Breastfeeding is a lot easier because I dont need to wake up properly/get out of bed to feed her in the middle of the night, and she gets fed as soon as she asks without needing to cry for me.
Our mattress is quite firm and we still use pillows for ourselves, but her head is level with my chest at night so they are kept clear from her.

The downside for us is that we are now really struggling to get her to sleep by herself (she is 16 weeks) because she is not used to it, so you might want to consider wether you want it to be a long term thing before you start!

Teabiscuits Thu 03-Apr-14 13:14:27

Thank you. The only advice we were given on co-sleeping was that it's not safe at all. I would like to exclusively bf for longer this time if I can. DS had issues with not gaining weight well, and we got pressured into starting formula. I hadn't thought about it long term though!

NickyEds Thu 03-Apr-14 13:37:36

We were told that the safest place for a newborn to sleep is in their own cot/moses in the same room as you. We had the same issues with DS as you when he was first born- he would not be put down-but fortunately it only lasted a couple of weeks. A bf consultant we spoke to was very positive about co-sleeping as it is shown to increase successful bf- I guess it's really about how much you think co-sleeping would assist bf and let you get more kip and balance this against the increased risk. I think that it's safer to decide to co-sleep, research it and organise to do it safely rather than "end up" doing it as you're knackered!

Having a new born is so bloody hard (and I only had 1!!) it's sometimes any port in a storm but, for what its worth I'm really glad we perservered getting DS to sleep alone- just look at the sleep threads here on mn- they NEVER say "I wish I could get my 13 month old to come and sleep in my bed!" but plenty saying the opposite.

Dutch1e Thu 03-Apr-14 16:31:21

Co-slept with both mine and loved it. Both DP and I were happy about it though, which makes a massive difference.

I BF lying on my side and rolled the babe over to the other boob when necessary. Feeding was sleepy and easy that way so no extended periods of night waking. If you don't have a low bed you can get guard rails. I like a snuggy duvet so baby would sleep on top of the covers in a sleep sack or similar until they were a bit bigger. He or she would be in the crook of my arm all night.

You don't roll on your baby any more often than you roll out of bed. Even when sleeping you always know where you and babe are.

Teabiscuits Thu 03-Apr-14 17:22:34

Thanks everyone. I have had babies in the bed with us before when they are ill, but that's always been when they are quite a bit bigger (5 months or so at least). But newborns always seem so tiny! I suppose co-sleeping is what nature intended anyway. It's no wonder lots of babies hate being put down, surely they feel safer with Mum or Dad.
I'm definintely willing to take the path of least resistance this time, even if we try to phase it out quite early.

SigningGirl Thu 03-Apr-14 17:39:46

We Co slept, but not until about 6 months and then not all the time. DS didn't mind his moses basket.

for our next dc We will probably buy or hire a side down cosleeping cot (they have them on the nct shop website).

not cheap, but means you pull the side down and put it next to your bed so it is like they are with you but have their own space.

just a thought!

imme Thu 03-Apr-14 17:59:47

We got this for DC2, it's a good compromise www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B000OKQ8DO/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1396544102&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165. Hope the link works as I am on my phone. My 3 month old goes to sleep in there by herself without having to be rocked or fed to sleep . I think she gets reassurance as it us almost like co-sleeping.

Teabiscuits Thu 03-Apr-14 18:53:32

Having a look at those, thank you!

TheScience Thu 03-Apr-14 18:55:57

I've co-slept with both mine and both the midwives and HVs have been very positive. I had them in a "Baby Friendly" hospital though so they are very pro-breastfeeding.

The HV gave me this leaflet:
www.unicef.org.uk/Documents/Baby_Friendly/Leaflets/caringatnight_web.pdf

Dutch1e Thu 03-Apr-14 18:57:31

Co-slept with both mine and loved it. Both DP and I were happy about it though, which makes a massive difference.

I BF lying on my side and rolled the babe over to the other boob when necessary. Feeding was sleepy and easy that way so no extended periods of night waking. If you don't have a low bed you can get guard rails. I like a snuggy duvet so baby would sleep on top of the covers in a sleep sack or similar until they were a bit bigger. He or she would be in the crook of my arm all night.

You don't roll on your baby any more often than you roll out of bed. Even when sleeping you always know where you and babe are.

Nocomet Thu 03-Apr-14 19:11:40

I just slept with DD in the crock of my arm with her just under our quilt.

She never wriggled except to latch on and off. Never went under the quilt or tried to fall out.

Which is a odd as she falls out of every bed you put her in on her own.

I've done my best to make sense of the modern research and it really does seem to be a tiny increase in a tiny risk.

Living here with a comutting DH and everywhere I go with the DCs involving driving, no sleep is vastly more dangerous than co-sleeping.

TheABC Thu 03-Apr-14 19:20:03

Another vote here for safe co sleeping. We have attached an ikea cot to our bed (with a foam wedge and mattress topper to ensure there are no gaps). It's saved my sanity as I can just roll over and feed DS without getting up. DS has his own space and blankets. I still get to cuddle DH at night. Win-win. I suspect that's going to change soon though, as DS can (and does) crawl into our bed if he wakes up before me now.

Teabiscuits Thu 03-Apr-14 19:44:25

I do like the look of the bedside cribs. Quite pricey though so will keep an eye out on eBay then just buy a new mattress smile .

Dutch1e Thu 03-Apr-14 21:25:43

Sorry, I've no idea why that post was spat out twice hmm

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