DS is 14 months and has slept in our bed since birth. I'm due to go away for 3 nights next week, and am nervous about how safe it will be for DS to sleep next to his father when I'm not there.
All the information I'm finding about cosleeping unsurprisingly focuses on newborns - and is quite consistent that it's safe to bedshare with a breastfeeding mother, not the father, not a heavy sleeper and not someone very tired.
DP is most of those things (plus overweight though we have a futon so there's no risk of the bed sagging for DS to roll into him IYSWIM), & might in addition be tired if DS takes a while to settle. But I have no idea of whether they matter now that DS is older.
DP is very dismissive, and thinks I'm making a fuss over nothing. I think he's looking forward to cuddles as DS normally sleeps on my side so he feels he misses out. But I don't want to risk it if it's not safe.
Feeling a bit sorry for you as you haven't had many replies, but I'm afraid I've no great advice.
I agree with the above posters that you really just have to go with your instinct. Personally I wouldn't risk it, especially if he's a deep sleeping larger man (sorry not meaning to be rude!).
Giles is right, men just don't have that instinctive awareness of their child that mothers do, (no flaming Giles!).
I'll be doing night shifts when I restart work & I'll have a similar problem. Ds sleeps in his cot next to our bed & dh just doesn't hear him (actually sleeps through screaming!) so I'm already worrying about leaving them & I don't go back till April.
Thanks folks. Was actually away earlier this week so didn't see replies.
DS was okay with DP, who did actually wake up for him when DS woke to complain during night (normally when I'm there he doesn't wake at all, so maybe it's not so much sleeping heavily as much as knowing I will be taking care of it?). DP was well rested from the weekend before, which helped. (He can be pretty rubbish about getting to bed at a reasonable hour).
Still don't really like it, but not likely to be an issue again any time soon. Hoping to get DS used to cot so won't be a problem then.