Please please help. Am at wits end :((21 Posts)
My DD dropped her night feeds around this age (just had a couple of sucks then fussed/wriggled/wailed...). We resorted to co-sleeping from the first wake-up to keep ourselves sane. With one eye on a return to work it was the only safe thing to do without leaving her to scream, which I never wanted to do. Not saying it's the magic answer, I honestly don't think there is one (DH was up in the night until he was 4, I think it's in their genes!) but it works for us. DD is now just over two and sleeps in her bed until morning once or twice a week.
Thank you all. So sorry not to have updated/answered. So exhausted. Will reply properly later after tea time chaos.
Cosleeping? Though we r still doing this 7 months in from where u r now, and r thinking about some night weaning/ sleep training thing. But it would let u get a few nights if better sleep, and u can think about what u want to then.
At 10mo my LO decided toys which more fun than sleep and would be up several times each night for hours. We did gradual retreat and have never looked back. He is only up now when ill or teething for a matter of minutes also rather than hours.
Just realised your DC is a lot younger than mine, at that age we were bed sharing with bed rails on. I was still feeding during the night, 1.5 hourly comfort feeds, but it was easier and I did get more sleep.
I really feel for you. 19mo DD had never slept through the night, couldn't nap without being on the boob and was waking every 90 minutes from day dot until this week.
I broke this week, after 4 months of serious attempts at the gradual withdrawal method where we couldn't get past the hand holding stage, and did controlled crying.
I'm a proper 'hugger mother', breastfeeding, bed sharing, sling wearing lentil weaver and never thought I'd do cc, but she broke me.
Like minipie I implemented it from nap time onwards and after 6 visits at the increasing 1 minute intervals, she gave up gritting her teeth with temper and shouting and went to sleep. That night she went to bed without crying and slept through. Amazing.
Maybe you could try this if you're comfortable with it.
We did controlled crying to teach dd to self settle rather than needing BFing/rocking to sleep. The difference is we did it at nap time. then again at bedtime (she cried far less at bedtime). She then slept through the first night - no night wakings at all. (she has woken plenty at night since then, but only when genuinely hungry, teething or ill, not through habit).
So this could be a way to do CC without necessarily waking your other DC. I can't guarantee it would work as quickly as it did for us, but it might be a way to get most of the crying done during the day.
Downside is that there is probably more crying if you do it at naptime than at bedtime, because the urge to sleep is less strong. so I'd recommend you do a late naptime (ie make sure DS is really really tired) if you're going to try this.
I know CC is controversial on mn but something has got to give here.
sleep deprivationis horrible isn't it. I've been there so know how you feel. I don't often comment on posts but felt you needed some help.
To start with you where very lucky with your first two to have very good sleepers. in my experience most 12 week old babies don't sleep through. The data on infant sleep supports this. it is totally normal for a 10 month old to still need a feed in the middle of the night. But I know this isn't just about one or two feeds. you've done nothing wrong in feeding to sleep, babies will learn to self soothe without any instruction.
But what you have hear is baby who's been ill and needed extra comfort at night. if you are sure he's better now, then trying some of the gental night weaning techniques to reduce the number of feeds would help. Kellymom.com has some good links for night weaning. You'll need your dh tohelpwith this one.
co-sleeping works well for a lot of mums, but I know not everyone is keen. But maybe something to consider. DrSears also has some good stuff to say on night time parenting that you mite find helpful. try his website or the books are often available at the library.
Giving formula to an older baby won't make any differences, it does tend to knock out tiny babies. but there is no evidence it helps with sleep, and could cause more problems as if he's never had it before could just give him an upset tummy.
good luck I hope you find something that helps. I know how horrible it can be.
Massive sympathies, I feel your pain as I have 11.5mo twins who are doing exactly the same thing. Also have 3.5yo DS who is v light sleeper and we are also at our wits end with feeding to sleep almost constantly from 11/midnightish. 4 in a bed (me, DH & DT's) is not comfortable, even in a king size. We don't have any spare beds (3 bedrooms, DT's in one together, DS in toddler bed in box room then our king size in ours). It's bloody grim at the moment, I know all the sleep training, did it with DS1 but it's fine when you've only got one to let them scream. A different matter when you've got other children to consider. The last thing you want is them all up. Having said that we are definitely going to have to do something, I'm back at work in a few weeks and can't carry on like this. Think DH going to take a couple of days off, we know it will be awful but are banking on 2/3 nights of hell to break the feed to sleep cycle. Just hope I can be strong as atm I'm so bloody exhausted in just caving in and taking the path of least resistance I.e. Feeding One of the DT's will take a bottle and has formula before bed, the other one won't though. Think I might try the weetabix supper thing someone mentioned as I did that at some point for DS1. Being lazy though I've not tried it yet as the thought of introducing an extra meal pretty much as soon as tea has been cleared up just made me despair! However if it might help with the night waking I'm going to give it a go. Good luck with yours xxxx
Would you consider cosleeping? If you got a bed rail for the side of your bed, your DS could sleep between you and the rail safely (though do read the guidelines of safe cosleeping).
You could then feed lying down. This was a life saver for me - night wakings are so so so much easier if your feet don't have to fit the floor! You respond much quicker as you're right there, so baby wakes less and is easier to feed to sleep. I eventually found I could cuddle to sleep rather than feed, though tbh it was just as easy to feed as to cuddle.
Being this knackered is crippling. Please try some changes that might make it easier. If yoindontnlike the sound of cosleeping, could your DH bring baby to you for feeding and return the sleeping baby to his cot so you don't have to get up? I know this seems daft as you're both awake, but it would make it easier on you for a night or two.
This will pass, I promise.
I would say to night wean then you can carry onbf in the day. There are some gentle night weaning techniques online if you google?
Mine was the same - I know how awful it is. You poor thing.
I don't think you need to stop bf or worry about feeding to sleep. As I said, mine was the same and then suddenly started sleeping through at 11months and later, started falling asleep on his own (his own initiative - we didn't 'teach' him).
I realise your heart is sinking, thinking you can't do another month of this. Sounds like he's just got into a bad habit. Can you ask someone else to go to him for one of the wake ups? Maybe on a weekend when everyone else's sleep isn't wuite so precious. I found it often was easier than I thought to get him out of a new bad habit - if he doesn't get fed for one wake up, he may go back to only waking a few times a night.
There are suggestions in the No Cry Sleep Solution that might be worth a look.
And try going to bed really early - 8pm ish - and napping if youcan - just a night ir two with a 4+ hour stetch of sleep will make you feel much better!
Nothing helpful to suggest but a whackload of sympathy here. I have a 5 month old non sleeping baby. We've been up since 2.30am. At least we can watch the qualifying and have bacon butties...
Have you thought about switching to FF at night? It tends to be more filling so they sleep longer, IME anyway.
Perhaps try dropping a day time nap?
Move baby in with you to minimise noise or slew downstairs together.
You are going to have to stop feeding to sleep though and unfortunately work on self-settling no matter how noisy that is.
Supernanny controlled crying. I didn't think I would ever subscribe to it, but months down the line, I am convinced it has helped turn dd2 into a better sleeper. It only took 2/3 nights to properly 'break' her, and the first night was by far the worse. Dd1 slept with DH those nights so I could do the cc with DD2 so you might have to kip on the sofa for a couple of nights to carry it out. I will see if I can link to the thread I was on at the time...there were a few of us doing it with largely very positive results. Back in a mo hopefully!
What helped us was breaking the feed to sleep cycle. Dd was older (over 12 months can't remeber fully) and initially I just started when she first went to sleep continuing to feed whenever she woke, -I was lazy and my main problem was that dd took up to two hours of feeding to go to sleep or not in the evening, the night wakings were less of a problem and she settled much better. After a fortnight she was waking less. I then stopped feeding back to sleep for the first wake up, then the second etc. I did a muxture of rocking/singing/pick up put down/patting basically anything that wasn't feed to sleep. There was crying but I never left her so not cry it out.
Not sure what to say but try and stay calm and focused you being stressed will stress the little one.
When I was up in the night the only thing that used to keep me saine was to tell myself I wasn't the only person in the world who was up! Probably doesn't help help now.
Just try and get through tonight and tomorrow will be another day.
I know it's frowned on by some but we had a dummy in the evenings for our youngest, not saying its for everyone, but he settled much easier once it was introduced.
There are few worse feelings that having night after sleepless night.
I think I would be working on how to stop the others waking when the baby cries. Getting them to sleep downstairs, earplugs, paying music in the background etc.
I found giving my dd weetabix before bed helped. She was probably 15 months then though.
My ds is 10 months old.
He has never slept through the night. Has weeks of only waking once and weeks of waking 3/4 times.
He has to be breastfeed to sleep almost all the time. Can't really be put down awake to cry for a bit while he settles, as he shares a room with our older ds who is 7.
He is currently, after being a bit 'off' with a high temp on and off, over last weekend and early part of this week, in a cycle of going to sleep about 7.30/8pm, sleeping fine til about midnight, then crying on and off all night. Only thinks that settles him is a feed from me, but then he's back up again after about an hour. Each wake up is longer and longer and I'm bf ing him for up to an hour. I'm shattered, my h is shattered and both our older children are shattered too.
I KNOW feeding to sleep is a bad idea and I've made a rod for my own back. I also know that he doesn't NEED the feeds in the night now and that they have become a habit. But I'm desperate. Ds1 and dd were both sleeping through by 12 weeks or so and have always been great sleepers, so I've no experience if tho, no expertise and no clue.
Can't do crying it out overnight to get rid I the waking as it isn't fair on the other two. They have already gone to school knackered this week and that's with me racing to pick him up every time he's cried, to try and stop them all waking.
H very helpful at night, or tries to be, but baby only wants me and only wants bf. Although bf is seeming to settle him less and less as the days go on.
I've literally no idea what to do. I'm sitting here feeding him and have been for nearly an hour. I've put him back into his cot once and he went hysterical. He's even had ibup in case it's teething because he's had his two front top teeth cut this week. But it can't ALWAYS be teeth, and he's ALWAYS like this.
Please help. I feel like I'm sinking fast
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