Weird to be co-sleeping with 4yo?

(53 Posts)

Dd is 4 in a few weeks and we still co sleep.

I have no issues with it at. We both sleep really well and she has her own bed all set up if at any point she decides she'd rather sleep there.

The problem is that I'm now being told its weird to be still co sleeping at dd's age. Friends, Dsis and HV all expressed concerns and made me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Does anyone else still co sleep with their child at a similar age or older?

somersethouse Wed 04-Sep-13 17:45:43

I do on holiday, through necessity, but yes, in my opinión a bit odd to be sleeping at 4 in same bed on a day to day basis. Obvviously nightmares or illness etc are different.

But it is your choice and your child and I am sure you are a wonderful mother smile

OvO Wed 04-Sep-13 17:46:12

I still cosleep with a 5y 10m old DS.

Just don't tell other people. grin Nod and smile, agree that yes your dd will be in her own bed soon but then just carry on doing what makes you and your dd happy. Sod the lot of them.

tywysogesgymraeg Wed 04-Sep-13 17:46:49

I think it's weird. Sorry.
What does DP say?

DS is only 14months and co sleeping but I wanted to say I wouldn't feel it was weird at 4....at puberty yes, but 4 is way off that.

For me the whole point of co sleeping is doing it for DC benefit so they feel secure about sleep and we don't have issues later down the line (fingers crossed)

It's not as of you're forcing your Dc to cosleep so I don't see a problem.

I know how you feel though, I get stick from 'friends' and family about it too....I just say its the only way I get any sleep at all...which it is, but DS will decide when he moves to his own bed, not anyone else!

Kewcumber Wed 04-Sep-13 17:49:02

Yes I did because of a very needy child (too long to go into here)

Why are you discussing it with Friends Dsis and HV? DS at 7 is back in his bed but we co-slept almost constantly from 3-7yrs (even though he would go to sleep in his own bed it would only be for a couple of hours).

No-one elses business.

StephenFrySaidSo Wed 04-Sep-13 17:49:36

I never thought of it as cosleeping but my ds(4) sometimes wakes and wanders into my bed, sometimes he just asks to go to my bed at bedtime so i put him to sleep there instead. On average about 3/4 nights a week he is in with me. Ds1 who is 8 will rarely but sometimes come in too. It doesnt bother me at all. I really dont ask anyone elses opinion on it nor would j care if thy thought me odd. It works for us.

ViviDeBeauvoir Wed 04-Sep-13 17:49:58

My four year old comes in sporadically (she has her own bed in a shared room with her 2 year old brother). Sometimes this goes on for a few weeks. I don't think it's weird. If you'd said 14, well maybe!
I think there are a lot of cognitive and life changes when children are 5 - they are starting to experience and understand the world in a much broader way and some just need the closeness.
I find that if DD goes to sleep on her own, she always comes into me at night, whereas she rarely gets up when I've sat with her until she sleeps. Must be a security thing.

Kewcumber Wed 04-Sep-13 17:51:04

I think its weird that anyone cares where you child sleeps - it isn't inherently more natural for children to sleep in their own bed/room than to sleep with other family.

hellymelly Wed 04-Sep-13 17:53:11

My two dds stil co-sleep, they are 6 and 8. The 8 year old would sleep in her room, but only if her sister was with her, and her sister will not entertain the idea at all!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 04-Sep-13 17:57:40

My DD cosleeps with DP and I. She is 3.5 and I can't see her moving out anytime soon as she still Wakes for a breastfeed.

MonstersDontCry Wed 04-Sep-13 18:08:47

It's not weird. Just lie when people ask and say she sleeps in her own bed. I know it's not the same thing but I still bf my 2 year old but everyone thinks I stopped about a year ago. grin it's no ones business except yours.

BeCool Wed 04-Sep-13 18:12:24

I don't think it's weird.
I still co sleep with dd2 who is 2.5. Dd1, 5 gets in when she can though she takes up too much room do I encourage her to sleep in her own bed.

They will outgrow it soon enough. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Purlesque Wed 04-Sep-13 18:16:18

My son shared my bed on and off until he was 8.

ShowOfHands Wed 04-Sep-13 18:18:31

It's not weird at all. I don't suppose anybody who finds it weird could explain why they do either. I suspect they'd grasp at something to do with 'should' be independent and 'bullying at school'. Maybe something about avoiding sexual relations with the poor menz (had this levelled at me once). I think people find it 'weird' because it's not the norm in this country but there's nothing inherently wrong with bed sharing if it's a mutual and happy decision. Just stop discussing it or ignore those people who judge you for it.

WoTmania Wed 04-Sep-13 18:25:20

It's not weird. MY DC (youngest 4 and a half) are all in their own beds now but still come in at night at times, the youngest goes through phases of sleeping in her own bed til midnight or so and then joining us). I know plenty of people who are/have been cosleeping still when their DC are 4/5/6. They outgrow it eventually.

I think it's lovely that you are giving her the space to move on when she's ready.

smile thanks guys, didn't expect so many responses.

I don't have a dp so that's not a issue.

It just came up I conversation with friend and sis as it came up in conversation. I then asked the HV expecting her to reassure me but she looked at me like I'd just told her I make dd sleep in a kennel!

It's not that I think dd should or shouldn't cosleep, I just go with the flow and dd chooses to sleep in my bed. She's so settled in there, never wakes in the night, and tbh I'm more settled too. It just feels very natural to me.

And, yes, I should stop worrying so much about what people think and not even discuss it.

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 18:32:41

It feels natural to me too. I co sleep with both my ds5 and ds9 months.

Dd1 co slept on and off until she was 5 and once or twice age 6, she refused to sleep in her own bed and would sneak into mine at 2 am - it was easier to put her in my bed to begin with. We only stopped because she was getting bigger and is a restless sleeper. she'd kick me awake or out my bed.. it's lovely when you are both enjoying it.

footflapper Wed 04-Sep-13 18:39:54

I co sleep with my 3 yo ds (no dp) Works for us, no idea when it'll stop. I get odd looks off my family who I rarely see. hmm

mikkii Wed 04-Sep-13 18:40:30

When DS was younger, DH had a real issue about him sleeping in our bed (partly as there was no space). When he saw DS grew out of it, he was less bothered by it with DD1 (helped by the new bigger bed). DD2 is almost 3. She came out of her cot about 5 months ago and will not sleep in her own bed. If she falls asleep downstairs I can sometimes put her down in her bed. If we wish to DTD, I move her (DH struggles to relocate her without waking). Sometimes she will go in with DS or DD1.

This time round DH is not too bothered, he says she won't want to know us in a few years time.

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 18:42:47

Oh god it would drive me crazy

When either ds 1 or 2 end up in my bed I get such a bad nights sleep what with being kicked and having my hair pulled

I ended up cosleeping with DS until much later. And I have a DH. He ended up in the spare room! DS was fine as a baby but we moved house when he was 3 and from then he was unsettled and would wander in to us. Eventually he and I would end up I spare room. The we moved house again and I thought we would be ok as he knew the new house well as it was his best friends house and he was having his old bedroom but he ended up in with me pretty much full time. I think he finally moved back into his own room at around 7. People thought it was weird. He did get embarrassed eventually which was why he moved back himself. He is now 12 and until last year would still occasionally come into me.

JoandMax Wed 04-Sep-13 18:45:10

My 3.5 year old starts in his own bed most nights then comes in ours around 11ish when he first wakes up. Some nights he asks to go straight to our bed and happily settles down. We have no problem with this and are confident he'll stop when he's ready - lots of family/friends don't get it and like to offer all kinds of solutions and just look blank when we say its really not an issue to us

My elder son is 5.1 and has never been interested in co-sleeping at all, loves his own bed and space so I think for whatever reason some children just need that extra comfort and closeness.

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