Crying at nap times - which is worse?

(12 Posts)
bakerbump Mon 19-Aug-13 08:23:17

My 15wo DD goes to sleep like a dream at bedtime and after night feeds but screams at nap times.

I look for all her sleepy cues but no matter when I put her down she screams and protests. If I put her straight into her cot she whines for about 10-20mins before falling asleep. I have to sit out of view and shh her as she won't settle at all if she can see me. I find it distressing to watch and am not sure if this is too harsh for a baby her age?

She isn't a very cuddly baby so if I pick her up to soothe her by rocking or holding her she screams the house down. But, she wears herself out quickly before passing out in my arms after about 5mins.

So what I'm wondering is, do I let her scream blue murder in my arms for 5mins, or let her settle herself over a longer period or is she too young for this? BTW I would never do CIO or CC, but is what I'm doing a milder version? Either way there's crying hmm

brightonbythesea Mon 19-Aug-13 09:42:48

my DD has always been like this. She would never be rocked or cuddled to sleep it just made her frantic, so I had to put her down and let her get on with it. She will do it less as it gets older, so dont worry. Some babies just need to let off steam and make a noise before sleep- we have these! Also remember that there is a difference between crying and complaining/whinging. If it is the latter then don't feel bad about leaving her, it is goid for them to learn to self settle.

NothingsLeft Mon 19-Aug-13 23:38:45

If you are finding it distressing and it feels wrong, then don't do it. She is still very little. Could she be overtired? How much wake time does she have?

brightonbythesea Tue 20-Aug-13 07:03:15

don't do what? The OP is saying the baby cries whichever way she does it. OP fwiw mine could only ever comfortably stay awake 90 mins at that age.

JRsandCoffee Tue 20-Aug-13 19:23:13

Mine was the same, try not to beat yourself up about it, I could have written your post five months ago! In fact i think i may have. I used to go downstairs and weep myself because whichever way I did it there seemed, as you say, to be crying, which I hated but she desperately needed to sleep and she would get there. One thing that I did do which helped considerably was that I put her carry cot on its stand back downstairs and put her in that to nap, she'd then wail for only a few minutes during which I'd pass by and give her a wee pat and a 'shush I'm right here' and she'd go off. Actually that helped a lot! I feared it might make getting her to ever nap in her room more difficult but by the time she was about five and a half months it was a whole lot easier, I remember the time because I had guests and put her down one afternoon and realised she looked ludicrously big in there! Routine also helped. Hope it gets better for you soon.

NothingsLeft Tue 20-Aug-13 19:37:34

Sit out of view and shh if she's finding it distressing to watch....

90 mins was the max awake time for DS too at the age. I found 15-20 weeks a pretty tough time nap wise but it improved around 5 months.

brightonbythesea Tue 20-Aug-13 20:19:06

I agree - if it stresses you out just make a cup of tea and faff about, you will still hear her in case of the crying escalating, but you won't be sitting in the room getting upset. My DD is 9.5 months and sometimes still makes a racket/fuss at sleep time. I just go and do something else (as she won't be rocked, comforted, cuddled etc) and she's usually asleep in 10.

maja00 Tue 20-Aug-13 20:20:47

I would hold her for 5 minutes.

Leaving a 15 week old to CIO for 10-20 minutes seems too much to me.

Partypopper Tue 20-Aug-13 21:32:43

Have you tried baby whisperer? The pick up put down thing worked for us with nap time (then later with dropping last night time wake up). Took a week, but seems like a distant memory now. She went from being a baby who would only sleep on the move to being 2hr napper!
My advice would be to read a couple of books, find a technique you're comfortable with and then stick with it for 10 days/ 2 weeks to see if it works.
Good luck!grin

brightonbythesea Wed 21-Aug-13 08:15:09

The OP says she 'whines' in her cot, but 'screams' in her arms. Don't see why the latter is better in this case.

bakerbump Wed 21-Aug-13 08:59:19

So since my original post I've sat back and listened to her properly, and agree that she is just letting off steam and that its her way of falling asleep. I think what's been happening is: DD in cot trying to work out by herself how to fall asleep. I butt in by picking her up. DD gets angry and screams!

Since yesterday I've just let her do her thing and for her first nap this morning she didn't moan, she chatted herself to sleep!

I always read how 3 months is too early for sleep training and that its ok to rock/bounce/feed to sleep as they're still so tiny. It just seemed to me at the time that I was training her by leaving her to moan.

I guess part of me just wants to have a cuddly baby and be able to rock her to sleep (yes I know, common complaint on here!)

brightonbythesea Wed 21-Aug-13 09:35:20

baker fwiw I think you are doing absolutely the right thing. it is not CIO to let her moan and chat. What adult goes to bed and falls asleep a microsecond later? you DD is just thinking out loud and letting off steam. As I say my little one is the same, enjoy the fact you dont need to spend your day and night rocking and feeding her to sleep! I bet she will sleep through before too long as well, as she is leaening to self settle without your help. smile

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