Question for those of you who co-sleep or have done

[bumbleweed]

If your baby sleeps in the bed with you, do they stay up until you are ready to go to bed, or do you put them to bed earlier in the evening?

If the latter, do you put them down in a cot until you come up to bed? And do you still follow a bed-time routine?

Just wondering, as not really considering co-sleeping but getting totally fed up with trying to settle dd (who is 7 months old) to sleep on evenings where she is clearly not tired enough. She fights sleep unless she is really tired and if I put her in the cot she just cries and screams. I am sick of wasting hours picking her up and down out of the cot until she gets sleepy enough that I can bf her to sleep. Hours in which I get progressively more frustrated and upset, as she will not even be cuddled to a relaxed state - she pushes me away and fights to get out of my arms.

I just wondered about just abandoning the whole 'she has to learn that bed-time is bed-time approach' (because it simply isnt working) and taking her back down stairs until later on those evenings.

What do people think?

[bumbleweed]

anyone?

[nothercules]

Put them to sleep on our bed and leave them there on their own until I go to bed.

[nothercules]

I go for an easy life of reading boks and feeding to sleep.

[LucyJones]

don't you worry they will roll off the bed at that age?

[schneebly]

I put them to bed in their own beds and they join me sometime in the night.

[TooTicky]

I thoroughly recommend keeping little one up with you and then going to bed together. There is plenty of time to develop a bedtime routine later. After all, neither of you are gaining anything by having such stressful evenings.

[Fillyjonk]

put them to bed now, breaking dd into going to bed before us atm.

They don't roll off. Or mine never have. If you're worried, put up a guard rail (from Mothercare, I think)

[FrannyandZooey]

When a baby, I used to feed him to sleep, in the living room on my lap, then put him either down in the pushchair or upstairs in our bed till I went to bed.

When older I used to lie upstairs on our bed or sit up and cuddle him, then leave him on our futon and creep downstairs when he was asleep.

I agree that "she has to learn bedtime is bedtime" is a load of nonsense. Why does she? She is a baby. She doesn't need to learn anything of the sort. She needs to learn that you are there for her and will comfort her, cuddle her and feed her when she needs you.

Give it up for now - your heart's not in it and she can easily learn a bedtime routine when she is older.

[Posey]

Always put him down in his own cot and then he'd come in with us at some point. Started the bedtime "routine" of him going up before us at about 8 weeks so I could have an hour of quality time with dd (she deserved some 1 to 1). Prior to that his moses basket was just downstairs and it just followed us wherever we were.

[Tatties]

I bf ds (14mths) to sleep 7pm-ish and put him in his cot; we bring him into us whenever he wakes after we have gone to bed. Then he feeds on and off through the night. Only if he is very unsettled with teething or something do I put him in our bed at the beginning of the night (basically if he won't go in his cot). I wouldn't really consider keeping him up until we go to bed as he is tired much earlier.

Bumbleweed, have you tried lying down on your bed to bf her to sleep? Then transfer her to the cot for the evening if you are happier. I think that's what I did for a while when ds was around 6mths, and was particularly hard to settle. It may take a few nights of doing exactly the same thing for her to get the idea though. My ds sounds similar to your dd - he won't be cuddled into a relaxed state, he just gets more worked up and fights the sleep. I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't still bf!

[scienceteacher]

I don't do it anymore, but have co-slept with all of our children. We never really used the cot, and found that if we ever did want it, it was always full of ironing!

In the early days, I was always happy to go to bed whenever, and watch TV or read a book. Once the baby was asleep, I would perhaps get up, and if so, would put a pillow on either side (well away to leave plenty of room).

[TooTicky]

scienceteacher, you have just gone up in my opinion. We disagreed a little under a previous identity.

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

Sorry to hijack the thread but what if the LO is crawling?
I'd love to put DS to bed earlier than me but if he wakes up he crawls off the bed!
BTW it must be the age cause my DS fights sleep as well even if he's exhausted!!

[scienceteacher]

Your previous identity or mine?

[Fillyjonk]

pmd, dd is at that stage, its hard, I think. We use a baby monitor, but also we've worked on her getting off the bed safely anyway. She's never fallen. And its a really low bed.

And st-I concur with tooticky.

(my earlier post looks like i'm telling you to get your kids to bed! I wasn't, just saying that now, I put my kids to bed before me, but thats recent)

[nothercules]

DD has fallen off the bed two times in two and a half years and been fine. I keep the monitor on and if she wakes she always cries for a while before moving.

[TooTicky]

Mine, scienceteacher.

[bumbleweed]

thanks to all for replying - has been something I have wondered about for a while, and gives me food for thought.

Seems like most do put them to bed earlier.

nothercules, I would love an easy life and a baby who will go to sleep on feeding - dd used to!

my worry if i dont even try 'putting her to bed' until she falls asleep naturally is that she gets overrired and wired and wont get enough sleep - she only naps v briefly during day - also how do you cope with having to keep on looking after them on into the evening after a full day of it?

[milward]

I carried my little one with me as I got on with tasks, relaxed (sometimes!!) & then when I went to bed just took ds to bed as well.

[bumbleweed]

tatties, thanks for the suggestion, i notice from reading other stuff on here that most bf mums feed lying down esp at night. I have tried but dd not interested - just pulls my hair and nips me and wants picking up - prob because we didnt do it from the start.

KVG, do you mind me asking how old your dd is? if she fights on and off the boob, what do you do to calm her down and get her off to sleep?

last night she was well tired at tea time (6pm ish) so quick bath and into bedroom by 6.45pm - but took till 8pm before finally asleep - I managed to do it without getting stressed myself this time - but without her falling asleep on the boob I feel I have no more tricks up my sleeve, she is too big to rock any more, no room in the house for pushchair-parenting, and so just have to let her play and fuss until finally gives in.

[bumbleweed]

hi milward, did he sleep while you were carrying him?

[CarolinaMoose]

me and ds both go to bed around 9pm and have done for ages. He is 19mo now.

He wakes up around 7.30-8am, which is a whole lot better than waking up at 5.30 IMHO and worth the lack of child-free evenings for me. I read a book in bed when ds has fallen asleep.

[bumbleweed]

I am now starting to think a later bed-time may be a good idea, as dd wakes quite early (6 - 6.30am), as well as 2-3 times during the night. Thanks for posting you guys.