What do I do about 18 month old ds???

[DuttyWine]

My ds is 18 months and very active all day, he has been an ok sleeper. I have completely taken the easy way out at bedtime though. I bf to sleep and then gave bottle to sleep and now cuddle to sleep... Downstairs and then carry him up to cot where he used to stay all night. I just did this as it was easy and fit in with our lives and meant I had time with dd and then time with dp too.

Lately he is fighting going to sleep and also waking up each time I put him down in cot or around ten minutes after. He begins to really cry quickly and is stood up waiting for me to get him out when I go back in.

Before if he woke I could lay him back down and shush and stroke him back to sleep but now he says "mama cuddle"

At the cm his sleep varies between 20 mins and 2 hrs she says he is a very light sleeper and often wakes up from noise. If he naps after 3 pm he won't go to bed until 9 or 10pm. He normally goes to bed between 7 and 8pm as has to be up at 6.30 to be ready for cm.

How do I start from scratch and get it right? I would appreciate any ideas. I hate the thought of him crying as that would be punishing him for me making a rod for my own back!

I am thinking of moving him to new bedroom. His room at the moment is tiny and right at top of landing stairs. There is not much room in it to do proper bedtime stories etc.

The other room is further away from noisy stairs and big enough to play in and have stories etc.

He never spends much time in his room as its literally cot, dresser and window!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Yeah I'd move him and start the books, cuddle bed routine in his room. Once ours have gone upstairs for their bath, we don't let them back downstairs, for mine its just to stimulating.

Do you think that this new behaviour might be the 18 month sleep regression?

[DuttyWine]

Thanks, I really thought the sleep regressions were behind us now! That site has made me feel better though. I was feeling like a terrible parent and he should be down in his cot on his own every night for 7pm at this age!

Until we can sort his room out I will just have to keep on picking him up for a cuddle and trying to get him back down.

I also feel he doesn't get enough sleep, it's really hard to get him down before 7 when I don't get in til 5 and theirs tea and bath etc, plus I like to spend time with him when I get home as well as my older dd.

The lack of sleep doesn't seem to bother him though as he is really happy, I do wonder if he is over tired at bedtime and that's why he is not settling into a deep sleep. He just seems a light sleeper all of a sudden.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

There is no rule saying that they have to be in bed by 7pm. Mine were at that age but that was just because it suited me, I only worked 2 days a week so it didnt feel like I was missing too much.

[thekatsatonthematt]

OP, you have just described my DS to a tee!

Also 18 months, we have also never really gotten into a proper bedtime routine. I also used to bf to sleep, then DH took over when we moved to bottles and he generally just holds him nice and tight (downstairs in front of the tv ) until he gives in and sleeps.

Over the past month we have ended up with him in our bed usually before midnight!

I'm getting particularly panicky about this as am 35 weeks pregnant and would really like some vague routine in place for DS before the next one arrives to disrupt things even more

We also have a later than is considered normal bedtime for him as DH doesn't get in from work till 7, so by the time they've had a little play and a bath, changed into pj's etc it's at least 8.

Anyway, just thought I'd offer a virtual hand. Hopefully we'll both find something we are comfortable with and soon!

[DuttyWine]

Thanks thekat
Things have got worse! Last few nights he has slept with us from about 12pm after waking up in his cot crying and thrashed around in our bed being very restless most of the night. Being up with him from 5.45 this morning and he didnt fall asleep until 8.30 last night.

I want to try something different tonight but not sure what. It's becoming a problem for us now so want to sort it out sooner rather than later. I just know if I take him up to bed after his milk and put him in his cot he will scream. He charges around until he goes to sleep. He never sits quietly for his milk, he is clambering all over me on the sofa or trying to still run around.

Any ideas how I can get him to wind down a bit before bed? Should I try and do it in his tiny room or even my room as its bigger? The transition of carrying him asleep from our arms to his cot is waking him everytime at the moment. And then he is still waking up again after a couple of hours in his cot anyway.

[Middlesexmummy]

Hi , instead of the living room what I do is to take dd into the spare bedroom after bath , IDE the blinds out on some classic fm and change and feed her there , I then carry her semi awake into her cot and leave .... She seems to associate her room with sleep and the back room with preparing to sleep. We talk quietly and have no distractions , do u think by doing it in the living room he associates that room as the place where there's a lot if activity , tv on etc etc which make s him think its play time not bed time ?

[strawberrypenguin]

My DS is 20months and hit a rough sleep patch around 18months too and is still needing a bit more time to drop off but we do have a good routine which seems to help here's what we do

At 7 upstairs for bath (every other day)
or change nappy and strip off.

Into bedroom to put pyjamas on

Read bedtime story (we use the same one but I don't think it matters, offer milk. Clean teeth then into cot.

(Here's the new bit of our routine)
Say goodnight, turn off light etc then lay down beside cot and softly read (been using kindle on phone) ignore distractions from DS ie shouting moo! and trying to play and just keep reading. Sometimes he like his hand held too while he drops off.

Generally asleep by 8.

Does DS have a teddy he can take to bed? That might help too.

[DuttyWine]

Yes your right, 9 yr old dd is very giddy too and he adores her so he seems very excitable after his bath. In the early days it was fine and meant I could spend time with both dcs and dd wasn't waiting for me to sort out ds to put her to bed.

Right I am going to start tonight, might have to use my phone for the classical music as don't have a radio!

Do you think it's worth moving his cot bed into the spare room now? We were going to wait until we had decorated it all but there is more room in there for story etc.

[DuttyWine]

He loves all his teddies equally its his 'softie' blanket that is his comfort. Our bathroom is downstairs next to the living room so that's why we started doing in living room.

Should I start putting him in cot awake after story? What do I do if he screams? Pick up put down or try keep him in there?

[Middlesexmummy]

Hi, we did gradual retreat plus gentle cc with our DD.... Bath and bottle is quite a sedate affair, we feed her a bottle before bed and then once she has finished it sometimes she s still awake or half asleep. We lift her and take her into her bedroom , once we lay her down, if she is ok and quiet , I just say good night and shut the door, if she cries I ssh and pat her for a few minutes but then leave . At the start she was crying a lot when left but eventually settled once I kept returning. I did stop retutning however as I felt I was making it worse by coming back. You have to know the difference between a distressed cry and a tired cry, if it s a tired one then she will settle. Now we can drop her off and walk out and only sometimes will she cry for a minute or so but will settle. Also , she seems to let out a cry when she rolls over. My OH has become an expert in knowing when it s a roll cry or a cry because her dummy has dropped out and she is upset. I would try and give it a go. I remember on my first night , I dropped a note round to my neighbours to warn them about my sleep training but it was not so bad. I think a combination of fresh air and activity in the day plus a quiet wind down routine and associating her room as the sleepy place works fo us x

[strawberrypenguin]

I would put him down awake, he really needs to start self settling. Shhh, pat and gradual retreat or hand hold through the bars whichever works for you. And he probably will cry but it will be so much better in the long run! Good luck!

[DuttyWine]

Thanks! Will see how it goes tonight as he had a late nap until half 4!

I appreciate all the advice iv had... It will be better in the long run as need some evening back to myself.

[Middlesexmummy]

How's it going duttywine?

[DuttyWine]

Terrible!

He cried as soon as I put him in the cot and tried to climb over the side... It was a frantic distressed cry. I felt awful so had to get him out. He had his blanket and teddy and dummy in with him but just threw them out.

I cuddled him to sleep and put him down in his cot. He woke up 3 hours later and really cried and clung to me when I got him out. I feel like I'm punishing him for me getting it wrong in the first place! He ended up in our bed and thrashed around and was restless so I didn't get much sleep.

Today he had an early nap and went out for a walk around 5. He is asleep on me now so at least he is back down to an earlier bed time.

Should I keep trying or wait until we can put him in his new bigger room and start a routine where he can have milk and a story all in his room?

[Middlesexmummy]

Hi I'm sorry to hear that it must be so distressing for you :( Do u do a feed just before u put him down and what state is he in when you carry him eg is he asleep or half asleep ?

[DuttyWine]

I put him down asleep, I took him up and he woke up as soon as he touched the mattress but I managed to pat and sing him back asleep without getting him out. I just feel like I'm waiting for him to wake up so can't really relax.

Dp tries to help out with it but ds cries for me if he wakes in the night. I work full time and longer hours than dp so think ds is a bit clingy.

He used to just sleep all night from bring carried to his cot but he had a sickness bug a few weeks ago which has unsettled him.

[Middlesexmummy]

So he can actually sleep on his own in his cot then which is good . It sounds like his illness has veered him off course . I think u should keep going on with the routine it may take a few night s but hopefully hex will settle down . Do U have a quiet room for him to wind down I'm before bed . I know some people do it all in the babies room but what works for us is to change her in another bedroom and carry her to her room as I think she associates that with sleep

[DuttyWine]

Yes he used to sleep all night in his cot and if he woke early hours I'd put him in our bed where he would sleep peacefully.

He has always been cuddled to sleep and transferred though which is what I need to change.

We have a large house with lots of rooms which he just runs in and out of as can open all the doors. His new bedroom is large so thought if I set up a nice cosy area and put a stair gate on the door could do milk and stories there before going to bed.

Could over tiredness cause him to be wakeful? Sometimes he has a really short nap at childminders and is up at 6am as its when my alarm for work goes off.

[Middlesexmummy]

Yes it could be but was his routine similar in the day when he was sleeping in his cot ? I find if my dd wakes early she needs a nap by mid morning