Bad sleepers' parents please gather here to testify!

(69 Posts)
BazilGin Mon 17-Jun-13 12:19:44

Hi,
I am not sure where to post this, I think maybe the feeding forum would be better, but here I am.
I have a gorgeous, clever 22 months DD who is still bf and is also a horrible sleeper.
She has a strong bf to sleep association and it is causing more and more tension between me and my DH. He has been really supportive of bf so far but even though he didn't say it out loud, I think he hints bf has become the root of the problem, i.e the lack of sleep.

DD has always been completely boob obsessed and he still feeds a few times a day...and night. She can be distracted with other things if she is not tired, but if she needs nap and/or sleep in the evening and bf is delayed, a hell breaks loose. I generally go with the attachment parenting, even though we don't co sleep she usually ends up in our bed early in the morning.

Please could someone just share their stories so I can show them to DH, that our DD is not the only toddler who still wakes up at night?
We are currently on holiday and DH got cross because she didnt want to nap in her buggy "like all the other children", while we go on enjoying our hols, but had to go back to the hotel instead.

Is he being unreasonable, or I?

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 21:11:45

Right there with u miss plum.... I too am never having another one , I didn't realise how sleep deprived I'd be , they don't tell u those bits lol
As for a "a bit of the other " I can't even remember when we did as we r both too exhausted and sleep is soo much more appealing at the moment !

Oscarandelliesmum Mon 17-Jun-13 21:18:08

Wow,
it's so good not to feel so alone.......All three of mine have been the same, only sleeping through from two when I unplugged them and gave my poor boobs a rest.
Irritatingly, my husband will help with proper weaning but not night weaning on it's own so it has always had to wait till they could be coaxed off the boob, they are all pretty rubbish sleepers still!
Four am often finds us five to a bed, snuggly and wonderful but not as restful as one might hope. Sigh.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 17-Jun-13 21:30:04

Mine's asleep now. On top of me, on the bean bag. Not sure how to get up without waking her up. She's 2,5 yohmm.

TheHuffAndPuffALot Mon 17-Jun-13 21:37:26

I'm so pleased not to be alone!

Dd wakes for the day at about 5:30 so I'm off to bed to try and get some sleep before the night shift starts!

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 07:34:49

Morning , how did everyone go last night ! I was absolutely exhausted last night so do think I slept through a couple of cry outs , she did wake at 5 though for a feed and still asleep now !!!

MissPlumBroughtALadder Tue 18-Jun-13 08:42:30

Pretty hideous. He woke three times between 2 and 3, then I stopped counting. I could have cried each time I had him snuffling away peacefully next to me, I'd just dropped off myself... then the bedclothes would start to rustle and a mop of hair would appear next to my face while a little hand started pawing my top. Sigh.

PoppyWearer Tue 18-Jun-13 14:58:54

Bad night last night. Not DC2's fault, he suffers with eczema and often wakes up itching. Last night was worst than most. <inserts matchsticks>

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 15:48:49

I'm sorry to hear that .... I'm out tonight so dh will be on duty on his own !!!

GetYourSocksOff Tue 18-Jun-13 16:15:39

I'm with you.

DS slept through most nights from about 7 months. I swear I was never smug about this, but it simply didn't sink in that it wasn't just what babies do. <idiot>

DD is 12months and on a very good night will have one wake up. We're feeling every tooth, illness and development phase though which means that most nights are not so straight forward.

Also, DS is currently waking in the night, crying or having something like a tantrum, and wanting to sleep in our bed ( which he never did until very recently).

I had less than four hours sleep last night, and was woken up every single time I started dropping off until 2am. The babies slept until 7am (miracle) but i had to get up at 6 anyway to get ready for work. It was miserable sad

notadoctor Tue 18-Jun-13 17:48:07

My DD is 19months and has had stints of sleeping through for a couple of weeks but always reverts to night-waking. She was EBF for 6months but I weaned her earlier than I'd intended (around 9months) due to pressure from MIL, HV, DH who all said she'd sleep better once I'd stopped. She didn't. She's bright, funny, alert and imaginative and I now really think her sleep habits are part of who she is. We have tried sleep training on a couple of occasions and although it's worked for a few weeks at a time it hasn't made a permanent difference...

BazilGin Tue 18-Jun-13 20:04:19

Sorry I left the thread for a bit but OMG, I am so grateful that we are not the only ones suffering (selfishly!).
I don't know how long I can go on for like this, but I have no energy to change anything at the moment. I think I am secretly scared that if I night wean her it will become even worse!!
Surely, at some point she will just start STTN without any help from us? <hopeful>
I will read again and post some more.

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 20:22:22

What counts as sleeping through ladies , is it a block period of time or just all night

BazilGin Tue 18-Jun-13 20:37:42

Huffandpuffalot-when did you last try night weaning and how long for? Did you try using any props, like gro clocks etc or just tried going cold turkey?
my DD just tantrums so much When i try distract her from boob at night she actually looks so stressed like she is about to throw up and I can't bear seeing her like that. I am secretly hoping it's all down to teething and once she gets a full set (very late teether, only 9 teeth at the mo), she will magically start STTN...

Poppywearer, I will look for that thread, thanks! It looks like we drew a bad sleeper, I dare not to draw again in case I am unlucky twice (sounds horrible, as DD is lovely, but lack of sleep is killing me).

Wonderstuff, when you were nightweaning, were you still bf to sleep at that point? we have sort of started your method, so far trying hold off with boob until midnight. Sometimes works, but only if DH settles her and even then not always.

YamiofYawn thanks so much for reassurance. Ideally, that's what I'd love DD to do, just 'grow into' her sleep, but recently it has become so intense, it's hard to imagine she ever would. i am not sure if I can go on for another year.

MissPlum-thank you so much for your post, I always wanted 2 close in age but it's clearly not gonna happen now.I am jealous of friends with good sleepers (all of them are,) who are now on their second ones. i would like another one, but I am not sure how I'd cope if I can't cope with one.
Makes me feel sad, that just because if sleep (or lack of) our plans have changed so much.
Off to bed now, DD asleep but not sure how long for....

DS, 18 months old. Still awake for 2hours + in the middle of the night or, if like last night, wonder of wonders he 'sleeps through', he's up for the day (as today) at 4.30am.

I am on my knees smile

BazilGin Tue 18-Jun-13 20:41:08

Middlesexmummy I read somewhere that from medical point of view it's either 5 or 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But for most parents it's the mythical 7 to 7. Oh, I used to dream about that, I have given up now!

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 21:26:22

Oh dear Bazil gin I dream of 7-7 as well , I'm really hoping its a phase albeit a long one but hope to see the light soon

turkeyboots Tue 18-Jun-13 21:32:22

You are all giving me shivery flash backs. DD didn't regularly sleep through til she went to school. And at 6 still gets up and comes in with us 2 or 3 times a week. At her worst she woke every hour and was awake for 3 hours from 1 every night.

DS came along and sleeps like a dream. Did nothing significantly different. But we had totally earnt a good sleeper by then!

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 21:35:42

Trouble for us is the night /morning feed , I mean if she didn't get up between 3-5 daily for milk then I think I've cracked it but I daren't even attempt to wean yet , I'm too tired !

GEM33 Tue 18-Jun-13 22:23:09

WHOOP WHOOP for this post!!
I could have written it myself. I have an 18month old boob mad sleep defying monster for a daughter. I too have spent her whole life wondering where I went wrong, what i've done to make her like this, tried every trick in the book and finally given up and to save my sanity accepted this is who she is.
we have progressed in that we stopped full co sleeping and put her in her cot in her own room and daddy puts her to sleep as I had to go back to work and couldnt feed her to sleep any more (it used to take 2 hours to feed her to sleep anyway). We nearly had a break through when she started sleeping from 8/9pm til midnight for a nappy change by daddy then sleep til 4am and into bed with me and feeding on and off every 30-45mins until wake up.
OH NO that was far too good to be true, this month back to screaming and resisting sleep at bedtime for daddy waking every 45 minutes and chewing on my boobs all night when she is brought to me about 2am because we are both too tired to keep getting up.

missplumbroughtaladder!! I feel exactly the same, I wanted 2 or 3 kids until I had my DD and realised that nothing we try will get her to sleep through the night, if I got pregnant now it would finish me off.

I hope and pray for the time when all our little babbas will give us solid nights sleep!!

We night weaned ds but he still woke a lot. His sleep did improve though.
Dd is 18 months and still feeds at night. I do try resettling without a feed and it works sometimes. I also don't feed her to sleep which makes a huge difference.

Taranta Wed 19-Jun-13 06:38:00

Another voice of reassurance here, I hope. My DS, now 25 months, was a dreadful sleeper and now sleeps through. At worst, he was waking 5-6 times a night, would not sleep in with us, so that was never an option, and I remember several months of having to doze in a chair while he slept in my arms from 1-5am every night <shudders at memory>. He's still BF first thing in morning and last thing at night too. We adopted the philosophy of 'he'll do it in his own good time' and that's what happened. He started waking less and less, and then sleeping through at 22 months unprompted. It felt miraculous and although he is an early waker (5.30am as standard), it still feels miraculous. I'm still so pleased that we chose to be led by him, as he's such a bright and happy chap when waking it was clearly the right thing to do for him. Having said that, we're not in a hurry to have another one though!

Middlesexmummy Wed 19-Jun-13 15:33:27

Hi all , surprisingly another night of 7-5 am yesterday , actually I went in at 5 to feed her as I was petrified she would wake up at6 and not settle back - I know I need to take a deep breath and tackle this .....

MumblesUk Thu 20-Jun-13 13:57:24

thanks for this thread people. Am also on my knees . . . have DS who is 4.5 and while he loved the bf, we managed to get him to night wean in two days when I went back to work when he was 15 months. He has never got out of bed, never slept with us and although went through a phase of 5:30 waking, is now exhausted by preschool and life in general and normally goes from 7:30 til 6am. DD is a completely different matter! She is now 2.3 and is quite rubbish at sleeping. When she was really small she had reflux and would get easily distracted when bf'ing so I used to feed her when she woke up at night because I was worried she wasn't getting enough in her during the day. She is still having mlik before bed (although she goes down awake), at least twice a night, and several times during the day if I'm not at work. She has a 2 hour sleep after lunch and is currently getting up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5:15am. I rarely get back to sleep after she wakes up as when I work (3 days a week), I have to be out the house at 6:30am. Sigh. She won't be comforted by DH during the night and it's beginning to drive me nuts! Help please!

BazilGin Sun 23-Jun-13 07:28:48

Taranta, thanks for reassurance. i do hope DD will just 'click' and sleep through one day. i wish we could go back to one waking a night, I could cope with that. At the moment, we are dealing with 3...
Mumbles, my DD was also a reflux baby, very unhappy and we did all we could just to make her better, including feeding to sleep, rocking etc. I have no advice, I am afraid I am also looking for answers.
i was thinking of GrOClock, but I reckon my DD is too small for that yet.

pickledlily Sun 23-Jun-13 20:43:01

Oh God. I was really hoping my DD would magically start sleeping through by 18mo if I dropped night feeds, but now I'm not convinced. confused

She's 15mo and rarely (I can count the number of times on one hand) sleeps more than 4 hours at a stretch. She usually wakes at least 3 times during the night, usually coughing/choking and always crying. I can sometimes settle her without a feed, but sometimes even a feed won't do the trick and it's an hour of sitting in the dark with her until she settles again. And then she's awake for the day at 4.30 or 5am, bright as a button. It is truly rubbish.

I don't even know if we still have a sitting room in our house; I've not seen it since she was born. I'm in bed by 8.30pm most nights. And my friends have started announcing their 2nd pregnancies and I'm thinking 'How on earth?!'

I mentioned her crap sleep to the HV, concerned she might still have reflux and she just said I need to do some sleep training. Doh. Stupid me. I hadn't thought of that.

Actually I feel rather cheated by the whole BF thing. No one told me how difficult it might be to stop, that "food-is-just-for-fun-until-12m' so don't stop BF because your baby will starve or that cutting down when they hit peak separation anxiety will be next to impossible.

Oops <looks around and realises everyone has drifted away> Sorry, bit of a rant. I had no idea I was quite so cheesed off with it all.

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