Phrases that make you weep

(143 Posts)
KatieLily12 Thu 02-May-13 10:22:09

So I have a difficult sleeper. I've been on here at various points desperate for advice. However, thought I'd start a giggle lighthearted thread for a change.

What phrases make you want to just face palm whenever someone says them?

My recent one, when I was explaining why a time wouldn't work for us, was 'why not come anyway and they can sleep in the other room while we carry on?'

I think I did well to laugh rather than openly weep.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Thu 02-May-13 10:26:58

"Sleep when baby sleeps."

Er, I think you'll find THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

KatieLily12 Thu 02-May-13 10:29:15

Yes. I find that really hard when endlessly walking her in a sling. In rain, hail and snow

Yup. That one always makes me chuckle too

Queenside Thu 02-May-13 21:25:26

Babies don't NEED night feeds after 6 months.

Ok well I'm sure she'll happily and quietly wait for 9 hours til morning to be fed then.

melonribena Thu 02-May-13 22:05:24

My friend said to me about 9 mth old ds,

When he wakes in the night, would he not just play in his cot for a while?

Errr no, he wakes up and demands to be fed!

KatieLily12 Fri 03-May-13 19:49:39

Another one I love

'Its a phase'

Really?!? Shouldn't it have phased by now?????

dribbledon Sun 05-May-13 08:41:34

I like 'don't worry-he won't be doing it when he's 16!'
And 'oh he won't want to be in that sling forever'.

Really. Is that seriously meant to be helpful? I can't see beyond nap battle at 11am let alone the next 15 years and 9 months.

GingerPCatt Sun 05-May-13 08:47:59

Yeah the sleep when he/she sleeps. Ok, then when do I pee or shower or eat? DS did not like to be put down.

The 'he won't be doing that when he's 16' saves my sanity as I get up with him again in the night. I also plot revenge fantasies where when he's a teen I wake him up with an air horn at random intervals in the night.

Clarella Sun 05-May-13 09:17:19

"I have a huge sleep baby problem. my lo wakes twice in the night"

oh if only

TwentyTinyToes Mon 06-May-13 05:14:46

"just pop them does awake but sleepy" err how?

"just stroke their head and shssh them" if only it was that easy!

LillyofWinchester Mon 06-May-13 06:16:09

"Have you tried pat and sssshhhh"

"Put them down when they're drowsy" er, thanks, I've never seen my baby drowsy though. That's the problem.

Cravingdairy Mon 06-May-13 06:20:52

'You should buy some earplugs'. Jeff off.

mummykat12 Mon 06-May-13 06:59:15

Anything along the lines of "routines are so important for sleep". Though they would be angry tears because of the implication that it's somehow my fault, if only I had their superior parenting skills grrrr!

tethersend Mon 06-May-13 07:06:39

Yy, all implications that 'you need to get tough'

I would hand this baby to wolves if I thought it would help.

SoulTrain Mon 06-May-13 07:20:51

Yy to "will he not just play quietly?"

No - he's 2. And I don't want him to be awake at that time playing!

Bearcrumble Mon 06-May-13 07:34:39

My mum - "just offer her a bottle of water every time she wants boob in the night".

Yeah.

nextphase Mon 06-May-13 07:35:07

"I'm shattered, pfb has been waking up at 6.30 recently"
"All babys should be sleeping through by 6 months"
"mine has done 6pm-7pm because I insisted on a routine"

I've had many years of this.....

emmyloo2 Mon 06-May-13 07:39:50

My favourite is my SIL who looked completely confused and puzzled when we said we had a sleep consultant come and advise us for our 2.5 year old. She said "why is he waking up in the middle of the night. Why do you need a sleep consultant?"

How the fuck should I know why he is waking up? Hence we engaged the sleep consultant and he is still bloody waking up. It's the underlying message of "what are you doing wrong?" that pisses me off the most. If I knew why he was waking up, don't you think we would bloody fix it!

The other one I love is someone who said to me "We never allowed our children to come out of their beds at night". Oh I see. What did you do? Strap them into their beds? Subtle message of, we are much better parents than you - we are much more disciplined.

Whatever.....

emmyloo2 Mon 06-May-13 07:41:09

Oh yes nextphase - I have heard the "he sleeps well because we insisted on a routine".

I lived and died by a routine and it still got me no where. Why don't people realise it's the nature of the child not how great a parent you are, which dicates sleep. Drives me up the wall!

Ledkr Mon 06-May-13 07:42:28

Mine is two!!!!
I was telling my mum some of the ridiculous comments yesterday.
"Have you tried a sticker chart?"
Yrs when she's screaming at 3am It's a good time to offer her a sticker.
"Just leave her to cry"
"You have to be tough" What does that even mean??
And my intimate favourite response
"Oh mine sleeps from 7-8"
I have several people buried under my patio for saying that grin

Ledkr Mon 06-May-13 07:43:50

Ultimate obviously

TheFallenNinja Mon 06-May-13 07:47:15

Last orders please.

Noggie Mon 06-May-13 07:47:36

All advice re overtired or not tired enoughshock these make chuckle and have cold sweats at same time x

PoppyAmex Mon 06-May-13 07:51:44

"You should sort that now before she can climb out of her cot"

Ah ok then. I will.

"She should be sleeping in her room" (ad nauseum)

EMS23 Mon 06-May-13 07:54:18

I'm also a routine queen and DD2 just does not sleep. DSS and DD1 are pretty good sleepers so I'm sure it's the child rather than anything we're doing wrong.

So when I get "oh you must instil a good routine" or a "and I assume you've tried everything" I feel like killing people.

'Leave her to cry'. Right oh, apart from having explained that its a method I'm fundamentally opposed to, what should I do when the screaming wakes the other DC's up? Leave them to cry too? Sounds like fun at 3am doesn't it? Sod off with your great advice you smug bastard!!

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