13 month old twins still have never slept through the night, I'm desperate!!

(15 Posts)
Sticks83 Thu 18-Apr-13 14:53:35

I am in desperate need of help, please!

I have 13 month old twins, neither of which have ever slept through the night and I don't really know where to start. I feel like I have completely lost my way and I am so, so utterly exhausted. If there are any twin mums out there that have had any success with sleeping, I'd really appreciate your wisdom. Our routine is as follows:

Daytime nap: 12 noon for 2- 2 1/2hrs if lucky.

Bedtime routine: bath 6.30-7pm
Ready for bed in their own room, lights dim
Rock to sleep

During the night twin 2 will generally sleep until 4ish, then comes into our bed. Twin 1 can wake anytime from 10ish and comes into our bed. We used to be able to get them to go back down at night but they would then wake so frequently, I gave up and started taking them into our bed just to get some sleep.

Please help. This is affecting our whole lives, I'm finding it harder and harder to put a brave face on...

Sticks83 Thu 18-Apr-13 14:55:29

Should have also mentioned that I can't do CIO or cc, I just find it too upsetting and twin 1 gets hysterical.

Perhaps you could post this under the Multiples section?

HappyAsASandboy Thu 18-Apr-13 18:56:44

It's a mad situation, and I don't know what to advise.

I was in the same situation as you, but with 12.30, 3.30 and 5.30 feeds, for both of them at slightly different times shock I coslept and struggled through, though it helped that I was back at work full time so I had a rest then smile

DS will now sleep through in his cot most nights, and DD manages it once or twice a week. The other night, they both managed it, staying in their cots from 7.30 bedtime until 6am up grin

Now is when I shatter your hopes though - they're two and a half!

Good luck, and remember that this too shall pass.

givemeaclue Thu 18-Apr-13 18:56:55

The issue is that they are in a routine of coming into your bed. That will be hard to Change but I think keeping them in their own cots is key, so everyone sleeps in their own bed all night. But this an learning mean a challenging few nights whilst you get them in a new sleep routine. Could you do that? Catching up on sleep when they have their nap?

I have got twins, one slept through from four months every single night, but the other was sporadic till she was about 14 Months, but it was a ten minute get up for us.

Are they feeding at night at all?

BlueberryHill Thu 18-Apr-13 19:05:49

Do they need you to rock them to sleep each night to sleep? If so, when they come round in the night they may not be able to get themselves back to sleep in the night, they cry, you bring them into bed and they go to sleep. Its a cycle that keeps on going.

DTS was more difficult than DTD, he got into the habit of coming into bed with us and it got earlier and earlier with him saying 'want to go in big bed with you'. We tried to settle him in his bed, if it didn't work we had a travel cot in the spare room that we put him in so that he didn't wake dtd. We did a version of CC, I didn't do the timed intervals, just listened the cries to see if he was settling, if he wasn't I'd go back, cuddle, settle and do it again. I never let him go so long that he was distressed, it seems counterproductive, he would be too unsettled to sleep.

Maybe get one sorted, into a decent sleep cycle and then do the other one?

Sticks83 Fri 19-Apr-13 18:39:54

Thank you very much to all for your suggestions, I really appreciate you taking the time.

Last night started off a disaster, trying 'put down, pick up' type thing for an hour before it ended with the babies and I both crying on the floor and we still ended up rocking to sleep. One of them did sleep through til 6 though, which is a first.

I know we have to break this cycle that we're in but I really don't want to distress them..maybe I'm just too soft...!

Givemeaclue, we stopped feeling through the night about 6 weeks ago but doesn't really seem to have had much affect, think they were just taking it because it was there.

I will try posting on the multiples section later, I didn't realise there was one (new to this and obviously overlooked itsmile )

I think the next thing we'll try is a travel cot in another room, if one continues to sleep and the other is not...!

Thank you again.

givemeaclue Fri 19-Apr-13 19:46:56

Stick at it. Keep them in their own beds. It will get easier

BlueberryHill Fri 19-Apr-13 20:02:54

It does get easier, try getting them to get themselves to sleep when they first go down to bed, then if they wake in the middle of the night, whatever works. Once they can settle themselves, then tackle the waking during the night.

Keep going, the end result is really worth it.

Eating43 Fri 19-Apr-13 21:19:19

Hi. I am going through something a bit similar with my twins, nearly 8 months. We also have an elder DD who just turned 2 so its pretty exhausting. One of mine is a much better sleeper than the other so I have decided to deal with them one at a time. I moved the "bad" twin out of the room (we still have q cot up in our room too), then spent about a week on the better sleeper, basically not feeding her, just comforting her in her cot. Took about 45 mins the first time and gradually less. She did cry, but I was with her all the time. During that time I still took the other one into our bed, fes through the night etc, so I could at least get some sleep. I am going to tackle him next. Dreading it to be honest and currently putting it off as he has a bad cold, but something has to be done, I'm knackered and grumpy.

silverangel Sat 20-Apr-13 13:35:15

Hi,

We hasd something similar and we went cold turkey on them coming to our beds. It was hard but worth it. When one of them woke we went in and ssshhhhed them, hand on them until they went back to sleep. This then developed into lying on the floor next to them when they woke. If they were both awake DH and I both went in and lay next to one each. It did result in a couple of weeks of really broken sleep for us but it worked and they now self settle. We put them down awake at 7ish and they asleep on their own - it's amazing!

On phone so this is a bit garbled but I hope it gets better for you!

Sticks83 Sat 20-Apr-13 20:08:58

It's so good to hear other people are honestly going through similar, it seems that all my friends have great sleepers and I have really been doubting myself.
Had to do bedtime on my own tonight, so not enough arms to rock them to sleep! Lay them both on cushions on the floor and then transferred them into cots. Not ideal but at least there was no rocking, holding or crying and they dropped off of their own accord. Maybe a step closer to going into cots awake...?
Good luck Eating43, wish I'd started to tackle this at 8 months!
Thank you all, again.

BlueberryHill Sat 20-Apr-13 21:02:33

Good luck, it is much harder with twins doing this, the least of which is that you are scared of one setting the other one off, that is circle of hell that I try really hard to achieve. Don't doubt yourself, well done getting them to sleep tonight.

gruber Sat 20-Apr-13 21:14:28

Just strikes me (as a nanny)- do they not have another nap during the day? Possibly overtired, have they started walking/lots of physical activity in the day? I do agree with other posters that you need to break the rock-to-sleep thing (& sounds like you've started making progress!). Would shifting bedtime forward & putting in a late pm nap work so they are well rested before bed & then go down at 8 sleep through till 5?

Might not work for you, but usually my charges were having either an am nap (9-9.30ish, or on way to playgroup etc), or a late afternoon snooze at that age still.

HTH & good luck for tonight.

DragonTwins Sun 21-Apr-13 10:13:12

I'm in exact same situation - they are almost 11 months, but have never slept through. So I definitely feel for you, OP.
I am back to work full time, but as both of us do shifts, we share childcare and do not have any help. It has been almost 4 months like that now and has taken it's toll...
Both of them were down to one bottle a night for a week before they caught nasty virus and we all ended up in hospital. After that, we started everything all over again, like with newborns. Right now, I think we are going to tackle one bottle at a time. Started reducing amount of milk, but it hasn't had any affect, which proves they need it only for comfort. I am just trying to convince myself that it all shall pass. And use more concealer for under eyes grin

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