Just need to know it's not just me

[Mummycan]

My dd is 6. Like most children she would like to sleep with me or her dad or both! We have small bed so not feasible as nobody gets any sleep. Before she would occasionally wake up in the night and come and get in with us and one of us would just go and crawl in to her bed. Recently she has been waking up nearly every night - sometimes even before we've gone to bed! I want mummy to sleep with me etc. It's doing my head in! It's got worse since we have been away for a few weekends to see friends/relatives as of course then we all just sleep in one bed as I do not expect friends and relatives to provide us with two rooms.

This evening putting her to bed same routine - will you sleep with me - told her no she has to sleep in her own bed - if we all sleep in our own beds everybody sleeps better and then we are not tired etc - we had hysterical tears but I was firm (amazingly I didn't shout even though I am feeling very sleep deprived)and told her that every time she came to our bed I would bring her back to her own bed.

I feel like the worst mother in the whole world but please tell me I am doing the right thing - i believe we just need to break the habit. Am I right?

[beansprout]

Absolutely right. If you have BBC3 try and watch "House of Tiny Tearaways" this week as there is a family on that dealing with (and solving) the same issue.

Best of luck.

[UKmum4]

your doing exactly the right thing - be loving but firm - keep putting her back,if you can stick to it my guess is it will only take a couple of nights.
good luck!

[PrettyCandles]

You're absolutely right. You did very well to keep your cool and tell her clearly what was going to happen. Now you just have to make sure you do it. You're doing the right thing - children need to know, and feel more secure knowing, that there are rules and that the world is consistent. I don't know how long it will take for her to learn to sleep through in her bed, but remember you can come here and blow off!

[PrettyCandles]

You could also try rewarding her - a sticker on a chart for every night spent in her own bed, with a reward on Saturday (say) if there is a whole week's worth of consecutive stickers on the chart.

[Thomcat]

For a while when I put my DD1 to bed, while I was reading hr a story she'd fall asleep, before I reached the end.
Then she came out of that phase and was still awake at the end of the story and started to cry when I then tried to leave the room. I had to harden my heart and just explain calmly that nshe had a had a story, had a song, had a cuddle and now herself, her sister, her friends at school, her nana, her grandpa all had to go to sleep and I'd just have to leave her. She's cried each night for a week s far, but the each night she's cried less, horrid but neseccery.

[Mummycan]

Thanks everyone - I know in my head it's the right thing to do but it does make my heart hurt. Thank God for mumsnet so we can share.

love to you all and good luck as well to you Thomcat.
xx

[bramblina]

Oh Mummycan you're absolutely right, and I second beansprout's suggestion of House of Tiny Tearaways, I just sobbed tonight watching, it must be so hard but it is the best for everyone. Good luck.

[Thomcat]

Yes, thank god for it mummycan. Best of luck to you too babes, xx

[Raggydoll]

when you doubt you are doing the right thing remember one of the best things you can do for her pysical and mental well being is to ensure she has the best nights sleep possible and imho this is in her own bed.

[CountessDracula]

Star chart defo the way to go, it works a treat for my dd every time she gets into one of these phases

[Raggydoll]

my ds also wanted me to stay with him until he went to sleep, this then progressed to him needing me with him to go back to sleep if he woke in the night. soon we were into a pattern where we were all having disturbed sleep thoughout the night. i tried rapid return and like tonights family on tiny tearaways i returned ds to bed more than 100 times! it should get better every night but after 3 nights it was no less - in the book it gives a tougher option where you say 'if you get out of bed i'll shut the door' so i tried this - i only had to shut the door once and that was it - every night since (has been over a year now) ds goes to bed happily and stays there all night, he has 13 hours sleep every night. however when it comes to holidays and staying with friends I never allow him into our bed because i don't want to have to do that again - if a situation arose I would probably make him sleep in a ready bed or something like that.

[nearlythree]

Our dd1 sometimes kicks off at bedtime if she's overtired so if she's good she gets a little note (or sometimes a small present) from the bedtime fairy in the morning.

[Mummycan]

I like the idea of a small note or a treat if she stays in bed - will try that one tonights.

Thanks to everyone for support and replies

MC
x

[robin3]

On nights when she has to sleep in the same room as you could you get one of those beds that inflates on the floor...they come with all sorts of characters on OR a special sleeping bag? I loved sleeping in my sleeping bag when I was a kid.

[Hollyboo]

My cousin had the same problem with her 6 yr old. She did one of those gold star reward thingys for every night she slept in her own bed. When she got ten stars in a row, she got a special treat.