Trying a new sleep method without me...

(35 Posts)

I am currently sitting in another room to my baby and dp is aiming to get him off to sleep. This is massive for us as DS has always been breastfed to sleep and co-slept with us, but next to me. He is 9 months old and I can't take it any more. He wakes very frequently in the night every night. I have not slept more than 90 mins at once since he was born and that was on a good night. It's usually 30-60 mins.

He's trying to get him calm walking around and then put him in bed awake but stay with him and comfort etc...I am not holding out much hope...he is the sort of baby that screams till sick within a couple of minutes.

I can hear him crying and it's breaking my heart...actually maybe I should just go to him and put up with the shit sleep sad

I'm just broken...

Last night was worse, he woke screaming fo an hour like he'd had a nightmare or something, then basically fidgeted all night while drifting in and out of sleep every 15 mins or so. Soooooo tired!

Comes to nap time this morning, I just put him in his buggy, sit him in front of the washing machine, leave him and he's asleep, no fuss, and will stay that way for 2 hours.....argh!

I just have a really strong feeling something is wrong medically, it's like he can't get comfortable in bed all night, rubbing his head, bulldozing anything he can with his head turning all over the place etc...

However, it does show that when he doesn't sleep well at night he catches up in the day...which suggests if I cut his naps short in the day, I may have a grumpy baby for a few days but he should sleep better at night.....this is my next plan, haha!

bertie it's extremely hard to move him without waking so I would have to feed in his own bed, but I would really like to cut out the feed to sleep as it's painful. Is the pantely pull off just unlatching them before they fully fall asleep? I do that quite a bit but it either wakes him so much he needs feeding again or work but doesn't get me anywhere iyswim?

crazy i'll try the porridge trick, but I'm pretty certain he's not really waking for hunger

Last night was bad! Well, he had 4 naps yesterday instead of the usual 2 but the last nap he couldn't get off to sleep properly so just rested for about half an hour, was very happy, went to bed at 10pm, tried feeding him to sleep bit same as usual clambered all over me. It's too painful so dp walked him around house till he fell asleep. Then put him in bed with me. There were a few less wakings but not much less and now he's been napping all day...not really a success!

BertieBotts Germany Sun 24-Mar-13 08:43:19

I'm in favour of keeping the feeding but doing it in their own bed and you coming back to bed- or bringing them in but moving them back afterwards. This admittedly is easier with an older baby, though.

Have you tried the Pantley-Pull off? That worked for me at around 9 months and cut the night wakings a lot.

teacher123 Sun 24-Mar-13 08:31:52

How was last night OP?

crazycrush Sat 23-Mar-13 21:02:04

I doubt that he is still in the newborn stage nap-wise tbh.. Anyway, good luck!! I've been in your shoes. It is bloody hard.

crazycrush Sat 23-Mar-13 20:58:45

It sounds like you are doing BLW, but if you can get your head around it I'd give a big bowl of porridge for dinner... At least you know he'll be full and can be slowly weaned off breast feeding to sleep.. You want to aim to put him down drowsy but awake..

teacher123 Sat 23-Mar-13 18:27:21

Anything is worth a try!

Actually, before the formula I have another idea. I am going to try and keep him up. Not till he's overtired but I'm going to get him to nap instead of go to bed.

You know like when they are newborns they nap on and off all day and go to bed late...maybe he's still in that stage. His naps got messed up today anyway so they have been at 8am for an hour, 2pm for an hour and now at 5.45. Maybe he could have another later depending on how long he sleeps now. And then late bedtime.....I know it's not the done thing but worth a try!

Thanks happy something tells me I will also just have to ride it out. I should count myself lucky I have a dp and don't work, it could be so much harder!

*not working properly

He's intolerant to cows milk so can't have formula, we do have a prescribed formula from when he was struggling to put weight on, could use that but something stopping me, not really sure what, probably determination to breastfeed despite it working properly which is really stupid, I know!

Really I should express an bottle feed, but it's so much more hassle.

I am just making excuses really because I just feel so shit about it all and don't think anything will work, head in the sand type thing. This whole 9 months I always get excited about a new method that might finally get him to sleep, and they never work!

Going to try the formula tonight and see what happens smile

HappyJustToBe Sat 23-Mar-13 17:35:16

I can't offer any advice regarding the sleep as DD is horrendous still at 21mo. We did found however that if we warmed the sheet of her cot with a hot water bottle we could transfer her without her waking up.

DD was very reliant on me and BF to sleep until about 1yo when I went away overnight and she coped beautifully with DH. I think she was better because she had seen me leave though I was so sceptical and was so close to not going.

Good luck. It is truly the hardest thing DH and I have faced as a couple.

teacher123 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:25:55

God it sounds like you've had a horrendous time of it you poor thing. It sounds like he's not eating much at all during the day and is making up for it at night. (Disclaimer-not an expert here!) Will he take a sippy cup or bottle of ebm or formula in the daytime to try and get more milk into him that way? Lots of yoghurts?

Feeding problems all stemmed from posterior tongue tie, being forced onto boob for 4 days at hospital, didn't feed until I discharged myself and fed at home, then the pain started, most agonising pain of my life until around 3 months, he had to cut at 4 weeks but pain continued. He may still have a tt, then dealt with everything from oversupply, under supply, mastitis 3 times, plugged ducts, milk blisters, silent reflux, colic, cmpa etc....the list goes on and is basically because he can't latch, he just sucks on my nipple. I'm not sure why but there's literally no getting around it.

Day goes something like this:

6/7am get up have breakfast
9/10am nap for between 1.5 and 2.5 hours in buggy
3/4pm nap for between 30 mins and 1 hour in buggy
7/8pm bedtime with me
Wake every hour to feed back to sleep

During day he probably has about 4 feeds. His feeds take about 30 seconds. We go out during the day most days when he's not napping, he is active constantly when awake so nothing to do with not being active enough. He doesn't have very consistent solids but on a typical day he may have a few fingers of toast, some veg sticks, and maybe 5 bites of whatever we are having for dinner.

I have tried tanking him up more in the day for feeds but he's not interested and anyway, the way he feeds so quickly makes it impossible to get much into him.

He basically snacks and now I'm writing this down it seems like this may be the problem.

Thanks for all your help, I'm just at my wits end sad

teacher123 Sat 23-Mar-13 14:24:04

What is the overall shape of your day like? And does he take many solids? Sounds like he's reverse cycling and relying on catching up at nighttime. What were his feeding problems? (Sorry, lots of questions!)

lady I have always been of the mindset to just power through and he obviously needs me there and needs the comfort etc... But I am now waking up angry with him every morning and every time he wakes from a nap, I don't think it's fair on him or DP, it's just all a bit much now. I also think he is ready to stop co sleeping. He wakes up from naps (which will last up to 2.5 hours) very happy, and they are taken in buggy without me, he self settles for them. But when it comes to night time, he fidgets all night long, and needs me to feed him to settle which is now not working as well as it used to anyway.

teacher you're right, I do need some space, but I also find it very hard to be without him. It all goes back to the feeding problems he has which meant he basically screamed his way solidly through the first four months sad these are still not sorted out and we both have a really hard time feeding, he has moved most of his feeding o the night as its easier when he's half asleep. He is in our bed so currently wakes up where he falls asleep so that's not the problem but may become a problem if I try and put him in a cot.

My plan was going to be to get DP to walk him around till he falls asleep and then try and put him in cot, he usually wakes when we've tried this before but hopefully with perseverance it will work. Then bring him into bed with me when he wakes and carry on as usual. This way with time he might get used to going in his cot and down by himself.

However, he would wake in a different place to where he fell asleep and so this will probably mess the whole plan up...

The only other option I can think of is to start cutting his naps short so he s knackered and just sleeps because of that!

teacher123 Sat 23-Mar-13 08:37:43

The other thing to think about is that you must need some space as well-if DS is completely 100% reliant on you to sleep, that's a lot of pressure on you.

Maybe consistently try an approach for a few nights and see what happens. But you have to prepare DS for it I think, otherwise it really isn't fair. Maybe try thinking what you want to achieve-eg for him to sleep in his cot from 7-11 so you can have an evening? So do a routine based on achieving that goal. Someone told me on here that babies like to wake up where they fell asleep, and Ferber mentions it as well. If you feed to sleep and then put then in their cot, it's like us falling asleep on the sofa and waking up in the bath! Very confusingsmile

LadyWidmerpool Sat 23-Mar-13 08:12:57

Our baby is very similar and nothing helped. All I could do was power through. (We didn't co-sleep though.) She is 18 months now and regularly sleeps for 8 hours plus in one go which is heaven. Some babies just don't follow the script but it will get better eventually! Good luck.

hilly and what if it did do him harm?I would never forgive myself, and my belief is that leaving a baby to cry does do them harm, and I just won't do it

Same with going out while his dad does it, I think it might even be worse for me because I would be imagining the worst and have to come back anyway.

strawberry sorry, wasn't having a go, just justifying my tiredness I guess, but you're absolutely right, at least I don't have to function too highly like I would at work! I think we are having the same issues as you were as the real problem for me is getting him off to sleep at bedtime, he just can't seem to do it with feeding as well any more, this is also starting to happen during the night too sad

mee I tried unlatching him early last night everytime he woke but he wasn't having any of it!

teacher I think you are right we need to tackle the initial feed to sleep and possibly get him out of our bed at the same time so he doesn't smell me and want me to keep him asleep. He is definitely feeding for comfort most of the time. He does know how to settle himself, he does it all the time when he wakes from naps in buggy, because he is used to it. Just need to get him used to cot with the same method I used for buggy (taking him out everytime he cried!)

hillyhilly Fri 22-Mar-13 21:36:55

Might be hard to hear but I think you could be a bit tougher without doing him any harm at all.
You both would feel better in the daytime with better sleep

teacher123 Fri 22-Mar-13 21:35:35

Or like Phyllis said. Just go out!

PhyllisDoris Fri 22-Mar-13 21:33:31

Best thing is to go out and leave DH to it. They will both be fine. grin

teacher123 Fri 22-Mar-13 21:30:15

Lack of sleep is the worst thing. It robs you of the energy to try to make changes to help you get more sleep, as at 2am, you'll do anything to make the crying stop...! I reckon try and stop feeding to sleep at bedtime and let the night feeds take care of themselves. There's no way that a 9mo NEEDS to feed every hour all night, it's a comfort thing. He's stirring and can't settle back without you. He may still need some feeds overnight, which is fine. If you can eradicate him just waking to comfort feed, then hopefully you'll get slightly longer gaps. Also feed him lots late afternoon and make sure his bedroom is nice and warm and cosy. (Not too hot obviously)

Sending you big hand holds and good luck hugs. You may have to let him cry to get him to settle on his own, but such sleep deprivation is unsustainable for you.

MeeWhoo Fri 22-Mar-13 20:53:27

I haven't tried it yet too much of a wuss, but I think the older he is the more angry he will get (at least inthe case of my ds) until he is actually old enough to understand that mum needs her sleep
Lately I have been trying to put ds down when he is not fully asleep, although not if is teething badly or if I can't be bothered at that particular time of the night. Yesterday when I put him to bed he had his feed and then talked to himself for a couple of minutes while I rubbed his back and fell asleep. Could be this trying to put him down only half asleep or a coincidence...

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