Jo Frost Controlled Timed Crying for 9mo baby(136 Posts)
Has anyone used Jo Frost's method of controlled crying, or anything similar please? Link here www.jofrost.com/controlled-timed-crying-technique-ctct/
We're desperate, and need very clear guidelines to follow-I nearly had a car accident this morning after ages spent getting him to sleep yesterday, then multiple wakings in the night (including screaming for more than 45 minutes-he was clean, dry, warm, not hungry or thirsty and had had some calpol, no signs of teething other than being very upset). He starts the evenings in his cot and ends up in our bed when we go up about ten.
He took an hour to go to sleep tonight, with hysterical screaming when he was put in his cot, and has woken up three times already. He isn't ill, I'm really sure of this, he just wants us to be there while he sleeps.
I thought he would naturally work towards more time in cot, less in our bed and learn to settle himself, but it just seems to be getting worse, and I was so tired this morning I really frightened myself on the motorway-I think I was almost asleep while I was driving and got way closer to someone than I should, then they had to slam on their brakes.
I have just found this thread after posting on another thread in parenting. For those of you who are finding it tough, may I share my experience? When my dd was 8 months old she became a nightmare to settle at night. I did something very similar to Jo's method, but the only difference was I only left her to cry for one minute before returning. I never doubled the time and left her longer. I would go in, lay her down, shhhh and rub her tummy and then leave. I started timing my minute once I had left and closed the door. I found hearing her cry just too difficult to cope with to double the time and leave her longer. My DD had colic as a tiny baby and I barely got through it. Hearing her cry, even in temper, sent me into a panic. One minute was manageable. The good news is, it still worked for us. The first night took 2 hours, by the end of the week we were down to five minutes. Within ten days there was no crying at all. DD now (at 20 months) tells me to put her in to bed once she has finished her milk, says 'night night, love you mummy' and turns over and goes to sleep.
At 8 months my dd was still waking in the night at 2ish and 4ish. I will be honest and say I did not use controlled crying for this. She was a very skinny baby so I continued to give her milk when she woke in the night so that I knew she was returning to bed full and satisfied. For some reason, she didn't really cry when we put her back to bed in the middle of the night. There were a couple of nights where she did but I returned to my 'minute method' after I had fed her. She very quickly dropped the 4am wake up and was going 7-2, 2-6. I reduced the amount of milk I gave her at 2am to 3oz. At 18 months she dropped the 2am feed and finally slept through. It was a long road to sleeping through, but too be honest, 7-2, 2-6 was manageable, I just went to bed a little earlier. HTH
It's night 6 tonight...last night was awful (regression?!) so hoping for a better night tonight!
Wow, that's brilliant, Babybee! Has he gone to sleep yet tonight?
How is everyone else doing? I've been watching Bedtime Live recently and really feeling for those people whose children are big enough to get out of bed and come and argue...
Well, had a change of heart & we are on night 2 of CC! Last night he got to 16 min check before he settled, tonight was only 2 mins! I still co slept for part of last night but attempting not to tonight (I just don't sleep properly for fear of squashing him!). So, any tips and hints welcome! X
Thanks drgarnett, I just felt terribly guilty that all he wanted was my hand on him & the comfort from having me close. DH has got 2 weeks of work at end of April so might go with gradual retreat until then, if it doesn't improve will do CC whilst he's off & can help. I'm sick to death of the multiple wakings from midnight - its exhausting (as I'm sure you all know!) . Going to have a glass of wine, do some reading and mull it all over! Thanks again x
Have just read all this conversation with great interest.
My lo is just 9 months and thinking of giving the jo frost method a shot.
We stopped night feeding a week ago so may wait another week to see if the multiple night wakings stop themselves.
One question, if one lot of timings works and they fall asleep and say in 10/15/20 mins later they wake do you start all over again?
I felt 9 months was too young for cc. Tried pick-up-put-down from the Baby Whisperer & it worked a treat, much kinder for baby & less stress for me!
you're, not your!
I don't think you've cocked it up at all! It's a completely different way of going to sleep that we're trying to teach them, and it's likely to take a bit of time for them (and us!) to get the hang of it. With this method of CC the key thing seems to be absolute consistency, as this seems to work fastest, which I think is probably easier on parents and baby-ie this is the rule (you stay in your cot and go to sleep by yourself) and no deviation from that. It seems to get results in 2-3 nights for most of us. It seems that your using more of a gradual retreat approach, which is gentler (an d quieter) but can take longer, and has the potential to be a bit confusing for baby, as the rules change eg hand on tummy till they go to sleep, then lying next to them, then sitting further away etc till you're out of the room.
How do you feel? There's no reason why you should do CC if you're not happy with it, and lots of people have had great success with gradual retreat, but it will take longer to be effective. Could you ask DH for his input? Sleep training is much easier if you're both on the same page! x
I probably cocked it up after another 16 mins I found that if I just left my hand on him he went to sleep, I felt terrible that he just wants the reassurance that I'm there. I ended up sleeping on a mattress in nursery, he woke again at 12,3,5 tho. Just putting my hand on him seemed to work but I'm doubtful it will be a long term solution. But its so hard . DH is fed up of me changing my mind and wants us to stick to just one method of sleep training. I feel a bit naff about it all. Do you all think I should stick with CC and not stay in nursery? X
Sorry you had a tough night Babybee, did things get better?
We had a weird night last night-went to sleep very quickly at 6, woke at 10, went back to sleep in under 2 minutes after a nappy change (has horrid nappy rash, so we're trying to keep him as dry as possible) then woke at just after 1, and shouted for nearly a hour and a quarter in total-we went through the timed crying and he just seemed to get more and more upset, so changed his nappy again, gave him some calpol and he dropped off eventually. Def the worst night we've had since we started this, but we got there in the end-hope this isn't going to be a new thing...
Hi BabyBee, We've also been doing this now for about 2+ weeks and it has been amazing. The first night was by far the worst, dd2 (9mths) was very cross and I went through 2,4,8,16 minute checks and she was about crying for about 20mins before the 32min check was due when she fell asleep. Her cries had 'calmed' down a bit by that stage and she must have been exhausted! The following nights were a lot better!
Since then she usually is in bed by 7pm although the clocks going forward have screwed her up a bit and its been 7.30-8pm - I'm slowly trying to claw it back to 7pm again. The odd night I have to do 2, maybe 4 min checks, but the crying is a tired cry as opposed to 'I hate you, why have you put me in here!
Now she wakes twice thru the night, about 10.30 and either 1pm or 3pm. Both times I give her a bf. My next goal is to drop one of them, but were happy with how it is at the moment. After a bf she goes straight back down, no checks required.
When I do my checks, I actually pick her up, give her a quick cuddle, sssh pat and kiss before putting back down and saying "night night, it's sleepy time now." I avoid eye contact where possible and leave the room immediately.
Good luck, it really has changed our lives and our dd1 sleeps through it all which was a worry of mine when we started it.
On 16 min check & he's still wailing this is hard. He's absolutely knackered & Everytime I pick him up he falls asleep! Its so hard! X
Thanks for the replies! I shall give it a try! Only difficulty I have is whether he's waking for milk or not (he just has after a bottle at 630!) he isn't the kind of baby who has 1oz to go back to sleep, he has it all or nothing at all so I'm thinking if he refuses bottle he's not hungry so do CC. Fingers crossed. Great that its worked for you xx
Hi babybeesmama. I atarted with my 1 year old son about 3 weeks ago as he was wakinh up every hour/ in our bed/ kicking and tossing about/ general nught terror. By night 3 he slept through the night for the first time ever! ! He now sleeps thru most nights. I out him down in his cot, tell.him ita time for sleep, stroke him and say shhhh and walk out. He doesn't cry at that any more. I do the same if he stirs in the night
I do it pretty much as described by jo frost apart from I did 2, 4, 8, 12 and 16 min checks and then repeated 16 min checks but only had to do that once on the first night.
This has literally changed my family's life and so quickly! My dd is 3 and totally unaffected by it. She didn't even wake up when he was crying. It takes affect so quickly.
In answer to your qs
1. No dont pick up, just stroke and say sshhh, no eye contact. ( lay down afain if needed!)
2. Yes walk straight out.
3. Hell yes its made a difference!!!
Hi Babybee! I don't pick DS up when I do my check-if he is standing/kneeling, I help him lie down (he often does this himself when he sees me!), stroke his back gently for a few seconds till he is calm, then put his blanket back on and then leave the room immediately.
We are two or three weeks in (have lost track!) and this has taken DS from waking at least once an hour, sometimes more, to waking twice at night-normally once about 10 and once about 2 or 3, which I'm really happy with.
We have also gone from DS sleeping (HA!) with us from about 10pm to him staying in his cot all night, so we're all getting much more, and much better quality sleep. It was amazing how quickly he got the hang of his cot, and was asleep last night by 18.02, without any crying or upset-just went straight into his cot, lay down, had a kiss on the cheek and then I left him and came downstairs. I can't believe how much our evenings have changed! <evangelical>
So tired I forgot my questions!!
Do you pick up baby when you do your checks?
Do you leave room straight away?
Has it helped those of you with frequent night wakers?
Hello - hope you don't mind I have a few questions! Thinking of trying this as 6 month old DS wakes so frequently at night we are so tired. He does need feeds still at 11 & sometimes at 3 but he wakes loads inbetween these feeds for no particular reason other than a cuddle & wanting to come in our bed (which I'm ready to stop). We have 3 yr old DD so I'm a bit worried about the crying waking her up but we are so knackered we need to get on with it. Any tips welcome x
OH GOD NO
No danger of that thanks nectarini, although you did make me shudder just thinking about it...
Bless!! Preggers again perhaps he he?!?!?!
Oh, and when he was settling to sleep last night and shouting for a couple of minutes, I went in and he was standing up and holding his cot bars-as soon as he saw me, he lay himself down and put his dummy in his mouth so I just stroked his back for a minute then left, so sweet!
Morning, sorry I went a bit quiet!
We've had no major issues-last night was brilliant, only one waking, and I just shushed him back to sleep Weird thing-I am KNACKERED. Really shattered, and I don't know why-this is the most sleep I've had for over a year, and I feel like I could sleep for hours still! Any ideas? I'm wondering if the sleep deprivation is kind of catching up with me now I'm on holiday, hope it doesn't last too long if that's the case...
Mixed bag here due to teething - night before last we had:
Nothing until 5am so that's v good for us - probably best night for a few months! Other nights we've had same bedtime, 11pm feed, 3am feed and up at 6.30 which is also manageable if no other wake ups.
Last night was more troublesome with frequent wakings but asleep immediately after quick resettle. Actually think she was cold. New problem with 5.30 wake ups so really need to sort a black out blind thing.
Getting there I think
Hows everyone getting on? The last few nights been fine this end.......
That's great fergus! Mine's not at nursery yet (will be in a couple of months) but I was at work for a day today - it's the longest I've ever left her and she was totally fine. I left loads of milk and drinking receptacles but she refused all of them!! She ate quite a lot and drank water and just had a massive feed when I came home, she's only 7 mos. Wasn't upset or anything. Just made me think they're really quite adaptable and it's harder on the mummies.
Hope nursery goes well
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