Jo Frost Controlled Timed Crying for 9mo baby

(136 Posts)
DrGarnettsWinterMixture Wed 13-Mar-13 20:01:17

Has anyone used Jo Frost's method of controlled crying, or anything similar please? Link here www.jofrost.com/controlled-timed-crying-technique-ctct/

We're desperate, and need very clear guidelines to follow-I nearly had a car accident this morning after ages spent getting him to sleep yesterday, then multiple wakings in the night (including screaming for more than 45 minutes-he was clean, dry, warm, not hungry or thirsty and had had some calpol, no signs of teething other than being very upset). He starts the evenings in his cot and ends up in our bed when we go up about ten.

He took an hour to go to sleep tonight, with hysterical screaming when he was put in his cot, and has woken up three times already. He isn't ill, I'm really sure of this, he just wants us to be there while he sleeps.

I thought he would naturally work towards more time in cot, less in our bed and learn to settle himself, but it just seems to be getting worse, and I was so tired this morning I really frightened myself on the motorway-I think I was almost asleep while I was driving and got way closer to someone than I should, then they had to slam on their brakes.

Please help sad

That is true seeker - but I think for most of the posters here, co-sleeping <isn't> working, that's why they're here!

I do love co-sleeping, but OH doesn't. He works crazy long shifts etc, so while I can put up with being kicked in the groin and having fingers poked up my nose during the night, OH can't. I can nap/rest during the day, OH can't. When me the LO co-sleep we do so on the spare bed in the baby's room.

Lynette - it can be hard. It's not horrendous though. If my baby ever made noises like he was going to be sick, or his crying was starting to reach 'fever-pitch'. His 'crying to sleep' was more like gentle moaning and whining than 'WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME???' crying. Gradual withdrawal didn't work for us because LO would just get really really upset if I sat there. His crying was actually less when I wasn't in the room.

Nectarini - you're doing ace! Have you noticed an improvement in your LO's mood during the day?

Sorry that should read 'if my baby ever made noises like he was going to be sick, or his crying was starting to reach 'fever-pitch', I would be with him in a shot!'

nectarini1983 Sat 16-Mar-13 14:52:30

Hello. Last night....He slept til 10.30 (from 7.30) and after falling asleep before 8 min check he slept through til 7 this morning! !!!!!!!! First time in a year that ive had a night sleep with him being at home! Although I did stir around 4 and listen at the bedroom door and could hear him purring away!

So game on for tonight. ...

Visualise...He's always been such a happy baby in the day, was just a night terror ha! So he's still just as jolly but the last two days hes only had one nap rather than two.

Hubby and I just amazed he slept that long as when he was in with us he would wake every hour or so which meant we did too...

To be honest he was crying more when I tried gradual withdrawal method as he would get so frustrated that I was there and he could see me but was not picking him up if that makes sense? But never been anywhere near to being sick. I think he is reassured by the checks that he hasn't been abandoned but just decides its not worth crying as I only come in and stroke him.

It seems to be working for us and our little man anyway....having tried and failed at everything else and after accepting that he's not just gonna out grow this.

How's everyone else getting on?

Sleepyfergus Sat 16-Mar-13 16:20:08

Nectarini, that sounds amazing! grin I'd say you've cracked it! I bet everyone is benefitting from getting a better nights sleep.

I'm defo going to give it a try. I was going to wait until we could get dd1 to stay with the GP, but if we pop her to sleep in our bed, she could sleep with DH and I could sleep in her bed and deal with dd2. That way, if dd2 cries, it's less likely to wake dd1 as bedrooms are opp sides of the upstairs landing. I just have to sit down and talk it through with DH so we can tackle this on a united front.

Your experience sounds so promising though! Keep posting and let us know how it's going!!

As for co-sleeping, I guess if I wasn't going back to work, if we had a bugger bed and everyone slept okay then we did give it a shot. But I need my sleep, and DH needs to stop sleeping in the sofa! I have to admit I did think co-sleeping was a bit 'woo' and earth motherly (not me at all!) but having done it, albeit not through choice, I totally understand why people do it. Logistically, it's just not a long term thing for us.

Sleepyfergus Sat 16-Mar-13 16:21:01

Yikes, bugger bed??!! Don't much like the sound if that!

a BIGGER bed. Obviously!

Excellent job! I bet you're feeling a lot more human after all that sleep smile

I haven't actually tried CC throughout the night....I might give it a shot now seeing as you're having so much success. To be fair, LO has never been that bad at night, he just used to try for hours before falling asleep. He's never been one to regularly wake every hour or anything. If he does wake in the night (probably happens about 2-4 times a week) I just get into the spare bed and co-sleep with him.

nectarini1983 Sat 16-Mar-13 18:18:53

Mine has been a little wotsit a night, so disruptive that something had to give. We had dubbed him "the night terror!".

And obviously as lovely as it is to have a lovely baby to wake up to....it is a passion killer ha!

Meant to say that his wake up cries the last few nights since I decided to try this haven't woken my husband or daughter. He just kind of moans but he is still asleep really.

Will update tomorrow with tonight's progress.

Thanks so much to DrGarnetts for posting link to Jo Frost website, it was just the structured approach I needed as winging it by myself bit scary and unsuccessful!

DrGarnettsWinterMixture Sat 16-Mar-13 18:53:21

Wow, nectarini, that sounds amazing, well done! Hope tonight goes well for you smile

I'm sad that our co-sleeping time is coming to an end-I've loved it, and it felt like the right thing to do while he was very small (although it really freaked DH out at first!) but DS is now very active, waking every hour, wants to crawl as soon as he wakes up and we think his cot is the safest place for him, and will give all of us better quality sleep. We have discussed putting our mattress on the floor, but then he would still need one of us there to keep him safe (window latches are very low, radiator gets hot very quickly, our room is next to stairs both up and down, and across the hall from the bathroom etc). We also haven't had sex for four months

Just waiting for the holidays to start so we can get through a few very disturbed nights without having to worry about commuting the next day!

Thanks for all of your tips and advice, and wishing everyone luck at getting more sleep-I'd love to hear any progress updates, and will probably use this thread when we get started to track my progress, if that's ok smile

whenwilltherebegoodnews Sun 17-Mar-13 08:14:00

Thanks for this thread, going to try Jo Frost method tomorrow night, I'm at the end of my tether sad

DS (8 months) has never slept great but now is waking hourly from 1am. He just gurns and I can shhh him back over, but its every bloody hour. Then he screams at 5am, eventually waking for the day at 6.

He goes down at night no bother, self settles for his naps, its just the middle of the night. I'm exhausted and I'm sure its contributing to my 3 year old's awful behaviour at the moment.

Will start tomorrow night when DH isn't working and will report back.

Loislane78 Sun 17-Mar-13 09:30:33

May I join smile. Started a thread last night but think this one may be my answer.

DD is 7 mo and likes to wake every 1-2 hours after an initial 3 hours (she didn't used to). Not always hungry, not sick etc. just likes snuggles and wants in with us. She wakes even when co-sleeping though which is why I'm posting, not because I have a problem night feeding or cuddling.

Last night I let her grizzle for few mins, re-settled with dummy and left. She lasted 30 mins then did it again. Left her grizzle for another few mins, re-settled. Woke after 1.5 hrs. It was now 12 so I fed her just in case and she went 3 hours. At 3 we had grizzlies on/off for 30 mins (which isn't like her after a re-settle) so I fed again at 3.30 but she didn't take much. One more mini resettle at 5.30 and woke just before 7.

I'm listening to the different noises and think she really only needs 1 feed so would like to stretch that to the early hrs like she used to but will have to go gradually i guess as at 7 mo it's hard to tell. How do you get then to drop night feeds (she's BF btw).

Does this sound ok? I know she's younger than some of your LOs but she didn't actually 'cry' last night so I don't think I'm being harsh. She just kinda shouts and does that humming thing babies with dummies do.

TIA

Loislane78 Sun 17-Mar-13 09:41:13

Sorry just to add she doesn't feed to sleep and goes down awake at night no problem and is usually ok for naps during the day. Feel like I've tried most things from no cry sleep solution but having no effect.

nectarini1983 Sun 17-Mar-13 10:03:03

Id say the more the merrier!

Loislane...with my daughter who's now three, I started giving her water in the night rather than breast milk and she soon decided it wasn't worth waking up for! I think she only did it for a cuddle really as she was well fed and watered in the day. My son has been different story as I stopped breast feeding at 3 months. Ithink he was just waking up because he knew we'd tend to his every need and id give in and snuggle him right in close to me...til the next hour when he'd do it again, or sot uo and then fall on me or hubby...nothing like getting head butted in the night! He was totally calling the shots and had us dancing a merry jig every night!

Ive found doing this less much less disruptive than hed been before I tried anything this constructive! I kept making excuses..ill do it on a weekend/ when dd away/on such and such a date. ..and putting off trying but glad I went for it the other night as id just had enough! Had even tried sleeping on his bedroom floor last weekend with my hand in his cot but that made him more hysterical than this has....and the next day I looked like id slept on the floor! !

Last night....he was looking sleepy while I was reading him and dd a story so I just laid him in his cot and he didn't make a fuss at all. Just got himself comfy, laid still and went to sleep! ! Before Wednesday he'd have screamed blue murder if I'd put him in his cot like that.

He slept til about 1.30 from 7.30 and then was back to sleep before 12 minute check. Then he slept til 6.45 from about 2.

I'd say to others.....just go for it. A few nights of tears is worth it to start to feel like youre getting your evenings (and your bed!!) Back! Was actually quite nice to have a cuddle with the oh without a little invader in the middle ha!

Everyone keep posting!

nectarini1983 Sun 17-Mar-13 10:07:14

Loislane....sorry meant to say, on Jo Frost website think it says that it's fine as long as baby getting food and milk all day. So 7 m should be fine. ...if id have found this 6 months ago id have done it then and prob looked a lot better for it than a yearof sleepless nights (or longer if you count frequent night trips to the loo while pregnant!! )

Loislane78 Sun 17-Mar-13 10:35:44

Thanks nectarini she feeds at least every 3 hrs in the day plus food (some is going in). I know if I let her she'd go 4 hrs+ in the day between feeds so I feel like going 5 at night and stretching it out is reasonable, plus she will hopefully wake less now anyway.... smile

I night-weaned LO at about 7 months old, he was fully established on solids, and being mix-fed during the day (depending on my mood!)

I always used to do a 'dream-feed' at 10/11pm before I went to bed myself. I noticed that he was taking less at breakfast time at about 7 months, so when he woke in the night one time I gave him formula instead, just to see how much he drunk (less than 1oz!). After that I only offered water between 11pm and 7am. Took about 3 nights and he stopped waking for feeds - but still woke for cuddles, which I'm not bothered about...yet!

Once he'd done a week of no feeding between 11-7, I dropped the dream-feed at 10.30pm, and then he was BF and FF on demand until 8 months when we began to cut down the BF. He was mostly FF by that point anyway, only having a BF first thing and occasionally during the day if he was very tired or grumpy.

nectarini1983 Mon 18-Mar-13 15:22:17

Last night.... (night 5). Fell asleep in cot by himself at 7.15, no tears for second night now. Slept soundly til about 3, think only reason he woke is because nappy had leaked so his pj bottoms were wet. He was still very much asleep so changed bum quickly without making eye contact then did a 'ssshhh' stroke as per normal checks and went out. Little grizzle so did same again (chevk and ssshhh) after 2 mins and he was asleep before 4 minute check due. Then slept til 7! :-).

How's everyone else getting on?

freelancegirl Mon 18-Mar-13 15:42:58

That's great going nectarini! I'm watching with great interest still put putting off doing anything for a few weeks until after a couple of trips and getting far too attached to co sleeping

Sleepyfergus Mon 18-Mar-13 18:46:16

Brilliant Nectarini!

We're starting tonight..........wish us luck!

nectarini1983 Mon 18-Mar-13 20:27:57

freelance....enjoy the last night cuddles (kicks and fidgets!) Before you decide it's crunch time!

Sleepyfeegus....good luck! Let us know how it goes. And just think, by the weekend you should be over the worst!!!

Loislane78 Mon 18-Mar-13 21:04:22

Ohhhhh that's good nectarini you must feel like a new woman smile

So reporting in for duty:
Last night (day 2) we had the usual wake up after 3 hrs but straight back to sleep after resettle. Fed at 11 when she grizzled again. Resettle at 1, fed at 3 then not a peep until just before 7.

I think I have 2 problems;
- been unsure on night weaning but now know I need to stop the 3am feed as not v hungry at breakfast
- dummy use? When she wakes, if I pop dummy in and snug her up in a blanket again she can literally be out like a light 2 mins later but how to stop her waking up!!!??? Feel like I'm not really doing CC as there isn't really any crying just a lot of waking up.

Let's see what night 3 has in store...

Sweet dreams everyone smile

Nectarini - I'm so glad to hear this is working out for you! Sleep is a truly wonderful thing. Mine actually slept from 6.30pm till 8am! I got woken by OH's alarm and we actually managed to get some morning snuggle time before the baby woke ;)

Lois - Try giving water or just the dummy at 3am instead of feeding for a couple of nights and see how that works out.
Is she waking because she's looking for her dummy? I sewed my LO's dummy to his bedtime rabbit so he could find it easier. Something like the Binky Buddy will help her find her dummy at night. How old is your baby Lois?

Sleepyfergus Tue 19-Mar-13 07:59:14

Morning all. Well night 1 done, here's what happened.

7pm after bath, cuddles, bf put her down and started the timed checks. She was NOT happy. Was standing up at the end of her cot each time I went in. I did 2,4,8,16 min checks, each time picking her up giving a wee pat and shush, then laying her down, a wee stroke and ash before leaving the room. After the 16 min check I was going to do a 32 min check, but at 26 mins she was asleep. So all in all, it took an hour for her to put herself to sleep. She didn't cry constantly, the mental cries changed to annoyed cries, to ok cries, to sight moaning.

She slept for 2 hours, so at midnight I gave her a feed which was almost like a dream feed. She fed properly and efficiently from both sides. Before when we co slept she would snack all night just as and when she felt like it.

Popped her down and never made the 2 min check as she was asleep. She woke just after 3 and again, I again, i never had to do the 2 min check. And that was her until 7.30am this morning!

So a good start apart from the hour getting to sleep at the start. It wasn't as hard as I thought listening to her. Concentrating on her cries and the stopwatch sort of helps.

Roll on tonight, wonder what that'll hold......!

That sounds like proper 'crying down', as some experts call it Fergus. Sounds like it's working out well. I think an hour is great for the first night! Let us know how you get on this evening.

Dreamfeeds are brilliant, we used to do one until LO was about 7 months I think, then I realised that the dreamfeed was actually affecting the rest of his night's sleep - by that time, the feed was very small and normally only one sided. So, once you see that baby is not taking much at the dreamfeed regularly, try dropping it. When he wasn't taking much at the dreamfeed, he'd wake at 2am and 4am, but when I dropped it, he slept right through.

Indith Tue 19-Mar-13 10:19:37

I've co slept from birth with my one year old but it doesn't bloody work. He fusses around and then starts crying, roots for the breast but gets pissed off if milk comes out because he doesn't want milk. So then I get yelled at by him for daring to offer the breast to sooth him. So dh ends up having to walk him round and round until he goes to sleep. Not great. I have no idea what it feels like to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. Even 2 hours is a great luxury that I celebrate. Lately he has started spending all night nipple sucking. Not latched on for milk but just nipple sucking which fricking well hurts me but if I stop him he yells. If I hand him over to dh to comfort he yells even more and throws himself out of dh's arms back to me.

I would LOVE to spend a peaceful night co sleeping with a couple of half wakings for milk. But it doesn't work.

FantasticDay Tue 19-Mar-13 10:27:24

Did this when dd was about 7 months, with many reservations. I slept downstairs feeling like the world's worst mum (still breastfeeding so leaking milk everywhere). Dh went to cot every 5 and then 15 minutes and said 'Night,night darling. It's time to go to sleep now'. DD stayed (howling!) awake until about 3 the first night, woke two or three times the second and slept right through the third. No reservations with ds - started routine when he was about 5 months. They are now aged 5 and 6 and great little sleepers.

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