Right. I'm now willing to try anything to make this baby sleep(22 Posts)
I think my new plan is to leave her to it if she's just grizzling but to feed her a maximum of once a night if she really gets grumpy.
To be fair to DH, in retrospect, the first hour last night was sleepy grizzling but then she did take it up a gear to a fairly upset cry.
Last night I fed her a little after 3 and she slept through to 7.30.
And a couple of weeks ago I would have been delighted at her only feeding once in a night!
Sounds like she's just enjoying you being there rather than actually needing anything. As long as you are there she'll moan when you stop, and she'll expect it. We found with our daughter (also terrible sleeper) that awful as it felt hearing her cry, it really was worth it to leave her to get on with it, provided she didn't need anything and wasn't working herself up to that not being able to breathe or calm herself state. If she did get to the latter we did go in, unless I could hear she was doing it on purpose (which we did find she was a couple of times). I know theres a lot of vehemence against controlled crying, so I don't like the term. But my own feeling was that you have to leave the room some time, and crying doesn't always mean you need to be there. Especially if it's just angry, as you say. Hope you're ok
Oh well I've given up and fed her. Mainly because DH said I should and because I'm really tired.
Well I guess it was too much to hope she might sleep tonight too.
Almost an hour in tonight. She is happy when I'm standing patting and rubbing her back but sleepy crying and moaning whenever i stop. Punctuated by the odd louder bit of crying.
I'm determined not to give in and feed her tonight.
Every time I think she's gone to sleep she starts up again.
Hi. Well, she slept through last night - from 7.45pm - 8am!!!!!
No idea if it was a complete fluke or not.
I am giving serious thought to giving up breastfeeding. But I think if she starts sleeping better I would keep going for a bit longer.
Thanks for all the replies. Fingers crossed for tonight
Will she take a bottle?
I know it's not the perceived wisdom on MN but for me (and lots of other people I know) sleep only got better when I stopped breastfeeding.
I lasted 10 months - by that point DS was feeding at least 3 times a night. Now (12 months) he tends to sleep through.
If she's 1 you don't even need to use formula - cows milk much easier and cheaper.
Breastfeeding is fab and you've done fantastically to do it for so long but there's no shame in stopping / night weaning if you all benefit from better sleep.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Argh... Here I am again. Tonight she is actually crying properly rather than just cross.
Have you thought about shush pat or gradual withdrawal maybe instead of cc?
No it wasn't hysterical screaming or anywhere near that.
When I've read things about cc in the past there have been stories of dc making themselves sick - and I just don't think I could leave her if she was like that.
I can't really think how to describe it. She was never at the stage where she couldn't draw breath - she was crying in a similar way she does if I take the remote control away from her.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
For anybody who is interested (!!)
She grumbled for twenty minutes. Then got angry for about another twenty minutes while I went to her every so often. Then she slept for four hours solid. I think that's the longest I've slept in an age.
Then to add insult to injury, when I offered her a breast feed this morning the little madam refused. Which proves to me that she definitely wasn't hungry!
Well, I'm in the middle of it. Twenty minutes of general grumbling. Then when it became clear I wasn't going to come running she got cross with me. She's more yelling at me than crying.
I've done three minutes, four minutes and now half way through five minutes. Fingers crossed.
Thanks everybody. I'm dreading tonight. Although her sleep is so inconsistent that I'll probably get myself all het up and then have a reasonable night (which means only up twice)
We did controlled crying with professional support. PM me for information on who we used. We did it as a last resort and I really wish we'd done it sooner. It wasn't anywhere near as brutal as I expected.
DC is getting a full night's sleep (7 to 7) every night and a proper lunchtime nap so is in much better mood. DC even LOOKS healthier.
DH and I are much happier, not sniping at each other out of exhaustion, I have time & energy to do both necessary stuff and things I enjoy.
I don't have any advice but wanted to offer some solidarity and support. DS2 (13m) is the same and it is a killer.
The bedtime routine, add calm music, low lighting, cuddly toy, boring book and it might work.
We used to put Lo in cot, parent on mattress and chat a bit till he slept off.
Hang in there it is a phase and it passes. They figure out the no negotiation over sleep approach and fall into line.
DS2 was like that, you have my sympathy. Can he co-sleep with your OH and you go sleep somewhere else? We did that for a few nights at around that age, DP took a bit of persuading but it paid off. He wasn't alone and crying, but also knew that milk/mum wasn't there - made a big difference. Took a bit more time for him to fully get the hang of sleeping, but really helped, would go for longer stretches.
He used to wake himself up every time he changed position, then sit up, then get more and more awake. Hang out, eat my hair (!) anything but sleep, for hours.
Good luck! it will get better...
Yikes, you poor thing - that sounds rough. Hang on in there. You'll get through this and she will start to sleep properly.
I'm sure there are people who have much more experience than me, but my own take is that you probably do need to go down the controlled crying route. It'll be hell on wheels for a few nights, so you really do need to be strong, and determined to do it. You've already said she's not hungry, so don't bother trying to get more food into her. And she'll need her daytime naps - they're not the issue imo. As long as she's warm enough, dry bum, and the room's quite dark and safe, then you've done pretty much everything you can. She needs to learn to get herself over to sleep, and it's best to do it before she can climb out the bed...
Do you have a bedtime routine? I used to do bath, milk and a snuggle, short tv programme then story or song in bed, night-night, light out, walk away.
Good luck xx
Currently trying to breastfeed her into submission but all she is doing is chewing my nipple. So not really working for either of us.
Oh I'm also seriously considering giving up breastfeeding too.
Can you tell I'm pissed off
DD2 is just turned a year. Sleep never been great but I'm just at the end of my tether.
Won't: feed to sleep; co sleep, be rocked to sleep, shush pat doesn't work.
Isn't teething and in pain. Isn't hungry.
I seriously considering controlled crying though that will be my last resort.
Currently considering dummy, formula milk, putting in own room (not that drastic I know). Porridge in middle of night, Ella's kitchen pouches in middle of night.
Anything else that might make this child sleep
I've tried reducing her midday nap but that just made her grumpy. Tried earlier bedtime and later bedtime (short term success with later bedtime).
And there's no pattern to her bloody waking. Except that it has been months since I got more than 2.5 hours solid sleep and over a year since I slept through the night
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