What am I doing wrong?

(77 Posts)
stargirl1701 Thu 14-Feb-13 11:22:37

DD, 5 months, screams every time we put her down for a nap. She used to sleep really well overnight but now spends most of that time screaming too.

Unless - she is moving, i.e. pram, sling, car

Or in our arms.

We have been trying to put her down repeatedly for 5 months now.

She has silent reflux.

What are we doing wrong?

RefuseToWorry Thu 14-Feb-13 21:45:20

Dear stargirl1701,

Well done for asking for help on this forum.

Well done for going to see your GP.

Well done for arranging to go to your aunt's for some sleep on Saturday night.

All of these things will help you to gain perspective in a potentially overwhelming situation.

When I had my 3rd child, who was my worst sleeper by far, I decided that I'd stop trying to be super-human and promised myself that if anyone offered me help, I'd take it.

I hope your GP helps you find a paediatrician who can really ease your little one's eczema and silent reflux, allowing you some precious time for that brew!

omama Thu 14-Feb-13 21:49:39

What formula is she on? Is it a prescription one? & what reflux meds is she on? With some the dosage is based on baby's weight so needs to be adjusted frequently-could her dosage perhaps need upping?

Has your gp ruled out cows milk protein intolerance (mpi) as a possible cause for the eczema & reflux?

My ds had reflux & eczema, & he had rashes appearing on his face almost daily (which got far worse once he started on solids) & like your dd he would just cry & cry & cry. It really is a hard position to be in & you mustn't think you are a failure. It is not your fault.

Everyone around me told me he was just a fussy child, that i was imagining his reflux, some babies just cry blah blah. I'm glad i stuck to my guns & pestered my gp as he finally prescribed hypoallergenic formula when ds was 8 months, i eliminated dairy from his solids & within a couple of weeks his eczema was gone & he was like a completely different child. Much happier & far more settled. If you think there is something wrong trust your instincts & push for some answers.

In the mean time, could you try wrapping her up in the pushchair & getting out for a long walk. A bit of fresh air always helped me feel much better & he would often fall asleep.
Something else to consider may be her daytime routine - if you are putting her down too late & she is overtired she is likely to get really worked up & difficult to settle, similarly if you try too soon & she is not tired enough this may also make her cry. Perhaps you could post her routine on the sleep board for some suggestions?

Or if you really want to get her settling on her own so you can have somuch needed free time, what about using a gentle technique such as gradually retreat or sssh pat to help her self settle. I wouldnt recommend this unless you know her reflux is under control though, as there may be a wee bit of crying & its not fair if she's in pain. We did sssh pat & it worked wonders for us.

Hth.x

stargirl1701 Thu 14-Feb-13 22:05:07

Hi. She's on SMA Staydown. Meds are Ranitidine (0.9ml x3 daily - 6.7kg) and Lactulose for the constipation caused by the formula. HV thinks it may be CMPI. I saw 6 different GPs in 8 days about a week ago but I was fobbed off every time. She had a 16 hour period where she refused to eat so we ended up at OOHs. Doc there gave me syringes and told me to feed her through them. Fucking hilarious as she hates the syringe because of the other meds.

We saw the GP who diagnosed her silent reflux today (she was on holiday over the last fortnight). She was pretty concerned to hear about how things were going.

I get out with the pram every morning (even in the bucketing rain and snow - last 2 days!) It's a hardy pram built for bad weather - I can get out as long as it's above minus 10.

She has had a really good couple of days this week which makes last night and today so much harder. I can see how things are meant to be. Tbh, she was the happiest, most content I've ever known her when she stopped eating. The real dd.

stargirl1701 Thu 14-Feb-13 22:43:56

She's fast asleep on me grin

I think, tonight, that's enough. I'll just keep her with me.

KatieLily12 Thu 14-Feb-13 23:36:54

Your experience with GP sounds horribly familiar. Well done for keeping going. Our LO has also been refusing to feed. It's exhausting and really impressed with how well you've kept going

stargirl1701 Fri 15-Feb-13 09:29:38

She slept through till 8.30am. Woohoo! We co-slept the whole night.

But, it wasn't safe. So, more advice needed! I had her head propped up on my pillows so she was at an angle and I know this is dangerous. How do I create the angle she needs for reflux in our bed?

Wishiwasanheiress Fri 15-Feb-13 14:27:01

Oh Lordy this brings back memories of dd1. Yes it's unimaginable at the time. You have to rethink how u view things which is almost impossible but you really can only think in small time chunks. I started with scaling my day down to just the next 30mins. I stopped making plans. I told everyone that I didn't plan more than 24 hrs in advance. It was hell n hard for 16wks. At 17 wks for some reason I never knew she just stopped. Like turning on and off a light! Weird.

It too shall pass.... It really does. Eventually.....

minipie Fri 15-Feb-13 17:35:53

that's quite a low dose of Ranitidine for your Dd's weight I think. my DD is 5kg and is on 1ml x 3 per day, and her reflux is not that severe, so you could ask about upping the dose. Definitely worth trying hypoallergenic formula too (nutrimagen or neocate are the ones I know of) in case it is dairy allergy. they are expensive but if a trial shows that is the problem then you can get them prescribed.

apologies if you already know all of this.

this wedge might work, not cheap though. Is there any way she will sleep in a bouncy chair? If so I'd let her do that.

I have read that reflux peaks at 5 months and often gets better rapidly after that. hope that is the case for you.

stargirl1701 Fri 15-Feb-13 17:43:58

It was even lower. I begged for help last week and it was put up from 0.45ml x3 daily to 0.9ml x3 daily. She is spitting out what she can too which means we're never sure how much she gets.

She has a bouncy chair, a rocking chair and a vibrating chair (all donated by lovely friends & family) but has never slept in any of them. I count myself lucky if she'll stay in for 5-10 min so I can eat or pop to the toilet! grin

KatieLily12 Fri 15-Feb-13 18:07:09

In terms of co sleeping we have a side car cot which we elevate but she never sleeps in so I use as a side table most nights!

I use the crook of my arm actually. I know it's naughty but she has never enjoyed being in her back (makes sense with reflux) and always rolls onto her side so I just accept that. I use my arm like a pillow and wear long sleeves so we can sleep duvet free.

If the mattress isn't very firm, put a yoga mat under your sheet. Always have a guard rail as they should never be between you and your partner. Failing that, drag the mattress onto the floor so they can't roll out.

stargirl1701 Sun 17-Feb-13 19:11:46

Well, I had a lovely night until I got home. DH decided, without discussing it, to do CC and left DD to sob and scream for half an hour.

I feel totally betrayed and unable to leave again.

OrchidFlakes Sun 17-Feb-13 19:54:02

You poor thing star thanks

Here are a few things that worked for us (DS is 6 months)
-We co sleep using a regular cot bed with one lobg side removed and the cot bungeed to our bed frame, DS is safe and propped up (folded blanket under cot mattress at head end) and in arms reach for cuddles, shhhing, feeding
- cranial osteopathy... Not sure if its your thing but it worked wonders for DS, he's calmer, more settled and rarely cries. But I understand it is too woo for some people
- white noise seems to help soothe him
- offer a nap (walk/sling/feed to sleep - whatever works!) every 2 hrs by the clock. Once in a routine if napping revert to sleepy cues. DS naps every 2 hrs for 30 mins
- early bedtime (7 for us) after bath, eczema creams etc

Good luck. Give DH he'll for CC, so not fair on you when you trusted him.

It WILL get better x

ClimbingPenguin Sun 17-Feb-13 21:46:05

That would really rock me too sad

Did he stop it or did she stop crying? Was it because he couldn't cope anymore but couldn't admit it so told you that was what he was aiming to do?

stargirl1701 Sun 17-Feb-13 21:50:59

A friend came round and 'helped' him do it. She stopped after half an hour. I'm not sure i believe that. I don't know if I can trust him to tell me the truth tbh. She was screaming when I arrived home. He said not to pick her up as that was what she wanted.

FFS. She's 5 months old. Of course that's what she wants. That's not even CC!!! I'm so angry and so hurt.

OrchidFlakes Sun 17-Feb-13 21:56:34

I'd be the same star. Does he understand what's he's done and how you feel? At 5 months she is too young - can you find links to send him to drive it home what a muppet he's been?

Hold DD close and she'll be just fine in mummy's arms xx

OrchidFlakes Sun 17-Feb-13 21:58:30

I forgot to say, ice been through this with DH, he wanted to try CC at 4 months FFS!!!!- I stated my case loudly and with links. It mentions it occasionally and I send more links! grin

ClimbingPenguin Sun 17-Feb-13 22:00:08

I'm angry with you

stargirl1701 Sun 17-Feb-13 22:01:28

He accepts that he should not have done this without discussing it first. I likened it to giving up bf. I discussed it with him before we both decided it wasn't working for us.

He doesn't know anything about CC. He did it on the advice of a friend.

MeeWhoo Sun 17-Feb-13 22:08:54

I can see how you would be angry about the CC...

As for co-sleeping, could you prop the whole bed with something under the top legs to be at an angle or is the necessary angle for reflux too steep for that?

stargirl1701 Sun 17-Feb-13 22:12:43

Just sent him some links.

I doubt we could prop the bed high enough to get the angle.

I want to do what we watched my Dad do. Every time she cried, he lifted her and soothed her. Once she was content he put her back down. He probably did this 50 odd times but she was never left to cry on her own.

ClimbingPenguin Sun 17-Feb-13 22:19:11

that sounds like pick up, put down (PUPD) from the baby whisperer. Just if you have a name for it, would be easier to look it up and give info to 'D'H

stargirl1701 Sun 17-Feb-13 22:20:32

Ha! My Dad's been doing that 36 years! I'll search that, thank you.

KatieLily12 Mon 18-Feb-13 02:05:41

Oh Star I felt so upset reading this. How undermining and distressing for you let alone LO.

A friend came and helped? The same one who suggested it? I think words should be had about overstepping. That's outrageous and not a sign of a good friend at all (the under hand but, not the CC necessarily in case I cone across all pearl clutchy)

Believeitornot Mon 18-Feb-13 02:50:52

Don't do sleep training on a baby with silent reflux until you're absolutely certain that the pain is under control. CC or otherwise.

Otherwise she could be crying because of the pain.

Both of my dc had silent reflux and CMPI. I'd be pushing for hypoallergenic formula (hydrolysed stuff).

Do you have a sling? Overtiredness might be a factor too.

Can you set up the cot next to you on a slope?

Believeitornot Mon 18-Feb-13 02:51:22

When I say sleep training I mean PUPD as well

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