High Needs Baby Support Group (thread V)

(351 Posts)

A new thread for a new year! smile

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

Kafri Tue 26-Feb-13 12:29:09

just got home! he cried the whoke way through. not really sure what the guy was doing and its taken him ages to calm himself down after it. not the desired effect!

stargirl1701 Tue 26-Feb-13 12:40:31

Damn. I had the same with DD. But, I found the next day there was a small difference.

Keep your chin up. You are doing well. You are meeting his needs. You are a good Mum.

stargirl1701 Tue 26-Feb-13 12:51:31

Cabbage, I'm very envious of your temps! It was 6 degrees here yesterday but so sunny. It finally feels like Spring has arrived!

DD didn't scream at all last night. A few wakenings, whimperings and crying but we got her settled again each time. I've tried the same pattern today but she woke this morning as soon as the pram stopped.

CabbageHead Tue 26-Feb-13 22:07:32

stargirl1701
I reckon that's the worst thing abut high needs bubs they r so unpredictable wot works one day never works the next day!

DS wldnt wind down last night so I just left him in cot under the tight sheet he finally fell asleep at 8pm after over an hour singing chatting to himself he doesnt even whinge much just too wired to sleep EVN tho he is yawning away..

Anyway he slept thru again til 3.30am then I fed him he went back to sleep until 6.30ish but mega tired again this morn thru Brekkie, whingeing and crying fussing had to take him for long walk and he cried a lot of the way which is what he did when he was younger..

Anyway he went down ok wil prob have shorter nap as so tired fingers crossed he sleeps longer..

kafri
That's terrible! I have taken DS to osteo twice and both times he was so calm there and then slept so well afterward to the point that I used to joke about taking him everyday!!

Must be horribly annoying being a bub that can't tell you what's bothering them, they must go, jeez mum are you thick or what can't you see im aching all over! Heh

CabbageHead Wed 27-Feb-13 02:43:52

Just figured out I think we have just gone thru a wonder week! Much better today, crying a bit which is unusual these days but much easier to settle today.. So far so good... Off to the beach now to wear him out and keep him cool after he wakes up..

stargirl1701 Wed 27-Feb-13 13:41:51

Cabbage, you are making me jealous. The beach!!! Grrrr!

I'm feeling crappy today. We went to Rhymetime at the library. How do you stop feeling so envious of other mums and their babies? I always end up coming home crying from these groups.

No naps without moving today - again. I'm so exhausted.

stargirl1701 Wed 27-Feb-13 16:43:10

DH came home a wee bit early and took her. I can hear her screaming. Again. Oh god, this is so hard.

Kafri Wed 27-Feb-13 19:48:07

in with you there star
they need to invent a new word for just how hard it is and how tired you get.

can hear D screaming for daddy downstairs. hes sent me to bed for a few hours.

I'm desperately trying to fill days with stuff cos I can't face many more sat home alone with him screaming non stop.

CabbageHead Wed 27-Feb-13 21:21:05

stargirl1701 and kafri
Hang in there yummy mummies... Just remember we r going to have the best kids on the block once they grow out of their insane intensity... Actually DS doesn't scream or cry much anymore he is just so active and headstrong and unable to settle himself mostly gets too overstimulated.

Another late night although I put him in at 6pm hoping he,d go down as during dinner he ws so exhausted it was like he was drunk, he had his hands rubbing his eyes the entire time and was lolling about giggling to himself was really cute but poor bub is so exhausted.

Star girl I just didn't go out much with him because it was just too hard playing catchup all the time.. They def get better as they mature he is really happy to amuse himself unless he is tired then he gets all clingy again and won't let me do anything..

Kafri I know wot u mean I'm so relieved whenever DH comes home.. The sleep dep is so so bad the worst torture ever.. I cannot function sleeping in 2 or 3 hr blocks..

Beach was beautiful and DS had a gr8 time crawling in the water.. Was nice to get out for a bit. Will be autumn in a few weeks so trying to make most of it. At east u can play in snow when there is some?

DS might not ever see snow until he is an adult ha ha!

SeymoreInOz Thu 28-Feb-13 01:45:02

Hello, can I join please? DS is 12 weeks old now and I feel at my lowest. He's even started screaming in the sling now. I don't leave the house much but had to get out today (have older DCs). We got the bus back, literally 3 stops, and one woman on the bus moved away, another stuck her fingers in her ears!

Does the constant screaming get better?

CabbageHead Thu 28-Feb-13 02:35:50

seymoreinoz
Hey there yes I promise u it does get better...!!!! Even tho u feel like it will never end, u r probably in the peak of screaming at 12 weeks... They scream cos they have gas, their bellies ache, they have reflux, the lights too bright, they are too tired or overstimulated, they r hungry etc etc..

Try some colic remedies? Natural homeopathic ones, try anything, chamomile tea is spouses to be good, small dosage obvupiously but supposed to be good for wind.. Or try eliminating milk or u r bf or change formulas if u aren't?..

U r in very early days yet and no doubt just getting over the labour and r still feeding around the clock... I feel ur pain... I don't even remember the first 6mths to be perfectly honest they went by in a long excruciating blur...!!!!

R u in oz?

SeymoreInOz Thu 28-Feb-13 04:01:21

Thanks cabbage I had no idea it peaked at 12 weeks! Everyone keeps saying he'll settle down at 3/4 months, it's really getting to me that he's getting worse!

I've been dairy free since he was 4 weeks, but had a slip last Monday when a sandwich I ordered had butter in and I'd wolfed down most of it before I realised! It's hard to say if it's helping or not though. I'll try chamomile tea, quite fancy some myself!

I'm in Sydney. DH was transferred here for work just over a year ago so I've got limited support. I was hoping to make friends through postnatal groups but I've only been to one and DS screamed throughout!

Kafri Thu 28-Feb-13 07:54:16

hi Seymour - welcome to the lifeline. honestly this site is the only thing stopping me going insane. ds iw 10 weeks today so hopefully another week closer to settling down a little.

stargirl1701 Thu 28-Feb-13 08:17:27

Oh, what a night. Up at 3am after waking every hour between 7pm and 3am. Still awake!!!!!

stargirl1701 Thu 28-Feb-13 14:59:28

Paediatric appt came in today. 3rd of fucking April!

I've phoned the secretary and asked her if bear us in mind if there are any cancellations.

April. FFS!

Kafri Thu 28-Feb-13 18:54:49

Oh no thats awful star Thats one thing I cannot complain about. I have been seen really quickly and have the phone number of my peads secretary. If I need anything I just give her a call and she gets the doc to call back or finds out the answer and rings me back herself.

Between the IVF treatment and my follow up I cannot fault the NHS aside from my HV who is nigh on useless

SeymoreInOz Thu 28-Feb-13 22:08:49

star oh no, that is a long wait. How old is your DD? Is the referral for cow's milk allergy? My oldest DC (DD, 7) had cow's milk allergy until she was about 2. She was a mega screamer and wouldn't sleep day or night, but once the allergy and reflux were dealt with she really settled down. I'm dairy free now with DS, but I'm not sure if he has cmpa, I think DD was beginning to improve by this stage.

kafri Were you on the antenatal thread? I only really posted on the first couple of threads. Anyway, congratulations! Your DS sounds a bit like mine. He doesn't really scream at night, it's just the day from about 5am onwards. It's like he's overwhelmed and can't switch off and sleep. If we go out it's 10 times worse, he spends the whole time simmering and is completely frazzled after an half an hour.

DH left for work at 7am and is out tonight. He hasn't been home before 9pm all week. sad

CabbageHead Thu 28-Feb-13 23:28:54

OMG stargirl that's ridiculous!!!! R there no other paeds you can get an earlier appt with? Do you have a crisis type baby centre that can help you get a faster referral or get ur Gp involved, tell them u r close to breaking point... I just can't believe that... Surely someone can help you... If I wasnt on other side of world I wld try to help you... That's so not right.. I hate that crap about if bub reaches all milestones then everything must be ok.. It's a load of crap they r not the ones dealing with it 24/7 and poor bub isn't doing it for fun... FFS!!!

DS is unable to get to sleep this am, sill going 1hour later... He woke up and was exhausted after half an hour... He did sleep dead to the world after his cranial appt, from 7pm til 3.30am, then fed and very awake, so DH ended up resettling him.. But he is stil so exhausted.

Pouring down here today so no walks bummer... Makes a difference being able to wind him down that day when he is that OT... HO hum

MXP78 Fri 01-Mar-13 16:53:57

Hello,
I am so glad to have found this site. My daughter is nearly 8 months old and born July last year. My mother in law had done some searching online and found the information about high needs babies and the description fit her to a T. I had no idea what was going on at the start and why she was so different.
She cried every evening and hardly seemed to sleep. All I had for reference when she was a newborn were the other babies in my NCT group and she was nothing like them! They seemed to permanently have their eyes closed. So I assumed it was something i was doing wrong. So I started reading those parenting bookes (Gina Ford, Baby Whisperer etc) to see if they could "fix" the problem. They just made me feel like a complete failure! How was I ever going to make her sleep for 2.5 hours from 12pm - 2.30pm? With regards to sleep they only seemed to give advice about waking baby up to make sure they didn't sleep too long. What if they didn't seem to sleep at all? Or if they screamed every time you put them down? And how was I going to make her feed every 4 hourly when she wanted to feed every 30 mins?! Gina Ford said no babies on her routines cry and babies with colic cry because they're being overfed. I collapsed in tears after reading her book.
My DD screamed everytime we put her in the carseat or pram. The only place she would sleep was on us or in a sling (thank goodness I had bought one second hand before she was born! I didn't think I was going to use it!) When she was 3 months old we had to go to a party which was an hour and a half drive. She screamed for an hour and 15 mins of that journey. Before I had a baby I thought a foolproof way of getting them to sleep was a drive in the car. Not my baby!
Now at 8 months she doesn't cry like she used to but she's still very hard work. Will only entertain herself for about 5 to 10 mins before she starts to squeal to be picked up. But now she's bigger when I pick her up she tries to push off me but then cries if I put her down! I go to baby groups and the Mum's just sit there having a cup of tea while their babies lie or sit playing with toys. My DD will do that for about 5 mins before I need to stand her on her feet and jiggle her around or walk around the room with her. She seems to need constant movement.
I try not to be all "poor me" about it as I have a beautiful healthy baby. It's just very tiring and lack of sleep takes a lot out of you.
People with high needs babies really need time out but because of the way their baby is, it's very hard to leave them with other people. I'm from NZ so my family are on the otherside of the world. My husbands Mum is lovely but I don't feel comfortable asking her to give me a break.
Anyway, can't believe I've written so much. Once I started it just all came out!

stargirl1701 Fri 01-Mar-13 17:33:27

Hello everyone! MXP welcome grin

I hope everyone is enjoying the sunny weather. Cabbage, how is it in Oz today? Kafri, how has your day been?

DH and I were totally gutted yesterday regarding the referral date. I plan to phone every week and check for a cancellation. Fingers crossed!

It has been Invasion of the Baby snatchers here today. DD has slept (3 naps totalling 4 hours), played with her toys for a little while and generally been quite contented. Bizarre!!! I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop grin Is she ill? grin

God knows what tonight will bring. Last night we tried a dreamfeed just before 3am to see if we could stop her waking and beginning the screamfest. It worked! We will try that again tonight.

Kafri Sat 02-Mar-13 00:16:29

hi.

today has been a good day. when I say good I mean good for us compated to normal grin
ds had screamed but today he has allowed me to soothe him. fair enough, it wasn't immediate but all I care about is that he let me. baby steps and all that...

hope alls well with everyone else. ..

congratulations on the dream feed success. fingers crossed for you.

stargirl1701 Sat 02-Mar-13 08:19:13

Well done Kafri. It really helps to recognise the small steps.

DD was up at least three times every hour. hmmhmmhmm

SeymoreInOz Sat 02-Mar-13 08:50:20

Hi MXP your description of your daughter describes my 12 week old son perfectly. Just today we did almost a full hour of car seat screaming. sad I'm in Australia, all my family are in the UK, so I know what you mean about not getting a break.

Does anyone else find that other mums at postnatal/playgroups are completely aghast? Is if they've never come across a baby like yours? I wish there were special high needs groups. Although maybe no one would be able to hear anything....

MXP78 Sat 02-Mar-13 08:51:53

Hi Stargirl, thanks for the welcome. How old is your DD? What is the referral for?

MXP78 Sat 02-Mar-13 08:57:14

Hi SeymoreInOz. Very hard being on the otherside of the world to your family isn't it? We are going on holiday next week and it will be about a 90 min drive.... She is much better in the car these days although haven't tried a longer trip since the hour of crying when she was 3 mths. Fingers crossed!

One of the Mum's in my NCT group thought there definitely had to be something wrong with my DD.... She thought there was no way babies cried that much and were that difficult without having something physically wrong... It wasn't very helpful. In person, I have also never come across a baby like mine. Not in any groups I go to, and I go to a few as need to get out of the house!

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