High Needs Baby Support Group (thread V)

(351 Posts)

A new thread for a new year! smile

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

Happy birthday for tomorrow tickle! Hope you have a lovely day tomorrow.

Too many tomorrows!

ticklemyboobsofsteel Mon 28-Jan-13 08:57:56

Aww many thanks smile Had lovely cards and gifts from DS and DH. Money is tight at the moment as we're feverishly saving for a house deposit, but DH got me a couple of really thoughtful things - including a book about the children of Henry viii (am a massive Tudor nerd!).

DS slept well, only waking at 3am. Hope you all had good/better nights too.

Nice present off DS for you tickle - a decent night's sleep!

Nightmoves Mon 28-Jan-13 11:40:43

Happy birthday tickle. Your DH sounds very thoughtful. No wonder you were tearing up! I would have been bawling my eyes out! Am bad enough looking at old pics. Have a lovely rest of birthday.

Kafri Tue 29-Jan-13 20:33:18

Hi folks, someone linked me to this thread after all my moaning about my ds not stooping crying - ever.

He's 6 weeks and cries every waking hour. He is rarely content. If he isn't crying he's simmering and it's an endless effort to keep it at bay.
Reading the OP, he fits criteria 3,4,5&6 tho fir short naps read no naps.

I'm tearing my hair out now!

Natmu Tue 29-Jan-13 21:19:04

Hi Kafri. At 6 weeks I was tearing my hair out too. It does get better but it seems to take longer than with other babies. They just seem to need us more. My DS2 is 5 months on Friday and still waking 4 or 5 times a night on a good night. I have found that co-sleeping for us helps me to be able to function like a semi normal human being during the day (I also have DS1 who is 4) and a sling wrap has allowed me to get around and do some bits without being tied to the sofa all day. Have you tried a sling? DS2 is much calmer in the sling. I only wish I'd got it sooner.

He's gradually becoming a bit better during the day at least and everyone on here has been a brilliant help. Hope you are having a half decent evening.

Kafri Wed 30-Jan-13 04:56:41

The odd thing is, and I don't want to curse myself here, he seems ok overnight. We started off where he would only sleep upright on somebody which is why we suspected silent reflux.
Now, we may not be able to get him in his Moses basket still but he sleeps well and ive started to get more comfortable with taking him to bed with me. So 9pm thru til 5am he's fab. When he wakes fir feed he's smiley and lovely.
Once we hit 5 am he changes. He's awake the whole day-if I do manage to get him down its half hour max so he gets overtired. And as I've said earlier, the crying is CONSTANT. it's like I have two different children and I remember my labour clearly enough to know I only had 1 ;-)

Hello all, thought I would join your thread rather than starting my own!

DS is 7 and a half months now. Has always been very high needs but was also mixed in with things like tongue tie and resulting breastfeeding problems which are still ongoing so wondered if that was the real issue. As well as high needs he is also unbelievably strong which is a blessing as well as a curse, before he could crawl at 5 months he was constantly frustrated, but happy to say that he is soooo much better since crawling! He is now walking and thats improved things further too, so hope that gives some mums dealing with non mobile HN babes some hope!

However, sleep is still awful. I was wondering....anyone cosleeping with HN baby?we have been cosleeping since he was born and like many say we do get more sleep this way but he still wakes every hour on average, alot of the time its 15 -30 minutes!

I just wonder whether this is still the high needs in him or if something else is going on.Anyone else had this happen? It has always been the same, the only one good night I had he woke just 3 times and that was because he was sick :-(

Natmu Sun 03-Feb-13 21:28:12

We are co-sleeping too and it sounds exactly the same. DS2 wakes a minimum of 3 times a night but at least we get some sleep sometimes.

Nightmoves Tue 05-Feb-13 20:11:43

Hello!! <lays out tray of empire biscuits and refreshes very, very stale brew>

Just thought I'd check in. I can only assume all other HN babies are no longer so and are sleeping wonderfully <stifles sob>. We are still having a good 6 wake ups during the night at least. Sometimes though, and it's only sometimes, we are getting an hour and 20 before first wake up instead of 45 mins so that's something. There doesn't seem to be any specific reason why this happens some nights and not others. Of course. We are thinking of trying to cram DS cot bed into our room next to our bed with the side off in the hope that a little more space may improve things and get DS used to sleeping there. Can't make things worse, can it?

Hope you're all well. Hugs and positive thoughts to joyful if you are still lurking.

ticklemyboobsofsteel Tue 05-Feb-13 21:26:01

<waves at Night> <scoffs biscuits, sips brew>

Been unbelievably busy at work the last week or two - I've been trying not to go on the computer/iPad in the evenings to try and save my poor eyes!

DS has been sleeping pretty crap lately. Better night last night after a 2-nap day (he's been having one most days) so can only assume he is just a bit over tired and teething, but aren't they always?

Going to crawl into bed shortly as have a crushing headache sad Take care all of you, hope you're getting some better sleep.

SpannerPants Mon 11-Feb-13 07:14:32

Hello ladies, hope you're all ok!

I haven't been around much because DS has been sleeping pretty well for 6 weeks now - either sleeping through it waking once, having a feed and going straight back to sleep in his cot! I never thought this would happen but there have been no tears, and he even self settles when he wakes himself up coughing!

Natmu Mon 11-Feb-13 20:18:14

Hello all. I'm having a bit of a stress and wondered what you thought. I've got to go back to work in May (3 days p/w) and MIL will be doing school run and looking after DS2 full time. Atm DS2 is happy with her as long as he is in a good mood but if he's tired or upset he just goes absolutely crazy and she just can't calm him down. We had made a plan to drop him off once a week with her so that I could have a couple hours to myself and he could start to get used to her but when we dropped him off last week he spent pretty much the whole time screaming. She managed to calm him down enough for a half hour sleep by sticking him in the buggy. I'm just really worried that he's going to seriously suffer by getting so stressed out for 3 days in a row every week. Any bright ideas or suggestions? Everyone keeps saying to me that it's still a long time away and he will have changed a lot in that time etc. but I'm not convinced.

Natmu Tue 12-Feb-13 13:02:03

Having a rubbish day. MIL has been on phone again saying that DS will never learn to cope with being left unless he goes cold turkey. My suggestion was to spend some time at MIL's house with DS so that he could get used to it. She has agreed but doesn't think it will work. And now even my best friend is saying 'well they do play you a bit don't they babies? My DD is very good at turning on the waterworks'. Does that apply to a 5 month old? Is he turning on the waterworks. He screams and cries with genuine tears which stop as soon as I pick him up. Is this 'playing' me? God I'm so confused.

Nightmoves Tue 12-Feb-13 19:50:25

Just my opinion but I think 5 months is too young to be playing you. I think their wants are still needs at that stage. Also think your suggestion of spending time the 3 of you is a goodie. Also, during these sessions she could be with him primarily and you could pop in and out, running errands etc so he learns that you come back? Maybe MIL can also come up with a new way to calm him when your not about by observing you? I'm sure by May he will be happier and you'll feel better about leaving him. In my experience the people who accuse your baby of manipulation are also the 'rod for your own back' gang and smiling and nodding on the outside whilst uttering expletives in your head is the best way forward.

Natmu Wed 13-Feb-13 02:09:28

Thanks Nightmoves. I said to DH yesterday I wish I was one of those people who could just ignore other people's comments and believe in my own decisions but I take everything to heart and constantly question my own judgement.

The day did get a bit better in the end yesterday. We saw a paed registrar for our first appointment re allergies. She listened to everything we had to say and took it all very seriously. She prescribed him 3 new meds for eczema and reflux there and then and referred him to allergy clinic for skin prick tests. She gave us loads of advice about weaning and controlling the eczema. It's so nice to be listened to and taken seriously!

Nightmoves Wed 13-Feb-13 04:05:21

That's really good. You hear so often on forums about not being taken seriously. It really makes you doubt your ability. Hope all the suggestions and new meds help. I am also rubbish at taking my own advice and generally put too much stock in what other people say. Going with your gut is definitely the way forward. It's hard though sometimes when others don't seem to have the same problems, and being chronically sleep deprived makes things worse. Oh the joys...

ticklemyboobsofsteel Wed 13-Feb-13 17:49:40

<welcomes Kafri and Moresnow>

<waves at Spanner, Natmu and Night

Ello all - tis a little quiet around these parts lately, just thought I'd pop by and check in smile

Span Glad your little one is sleeping better! Long may it continue.
Natmu I too sometimes can't ignore other people and take a lot of things right to the heart. I'm glad you had some progress at the paed for you and your little one. Oh, and 5 months is definately too young to be playing you.
Night Did you move your bub's cot into your room like you planned? Any joy?

Have good nights all.

Nightmoves Wed 13-Feb-13 22:33:29

Hi tickle, yes we moved it in on Sunday. Would only fit on the opposite side of the bed to where DS has been settling, but it just fits. He was so excited he spent a good half hour leaping and crawling about, far too busy to go to sleep. Eventually despite all my efforts he leapt one too many times and was promptly sick all down his pjs (but not the bedding thankfully), at which point I just settled him on our usual side away from the cot. Tonight was the first night I managed to get him to sleep in it, I confess by lying in the carefully stuffed gap and feeding to sleep, but he woke after 45. He is nestled next to me again now. So not a massive success. Yet <crosses fingers optimistically>. He has not been himself last 2 days though (fecking teeth) so maybe unfair to judge at the mo. Thank you for asking. How is your LO doing? Been any more settled?

Natmu Wed 13-Feb-13 23:38:15

Thanks both of you. We had an even worse day today sad Went to the local garden centre for some bits. Drive there was ok. DS2 asleep. He woke up halfway round the garden centre but was quite happy in the buggy. Cut to drive home and DS2 screamed the whole way back. DH completely lost it and started shouting 'FFS I'm never going anywhere with him again. He's ruining our lives. He's f-ing pathetic if he can't even go ten minutes in the car without being cuddled. YOU need to let him cry so he can get f-ing used to it' etc etc. DH is known for his temper and had had about 2 hours sleep so wasn't in the best frame of mind. I don't really know why I'm posting about all this actually because it's all blown over again as it usually does but I just find him really hard to deal with at times and when he says stuff like that about my 5 month old baby I just feel insanely protective towards him and hate DH for saying this stuff which is a bit unfair because I have my meltdown moments too.

Nightmoves Thu 14-Feb-13 11:37:37

I can totally understand why you would feel angry at your DH saying those things. It must be so frustrating for the DHs but I would (and do) feel exactly the same if (when) my DH said things like that. He is just a wee baby and still so young! He is just very determined and lets you know loudly when things aren't too his liking, at least that's what I tell myself! I also tell DH that its DS's super survival skills and Darwinism in action as DS is keeping himself close to his care givers to make sure he is protected, and these traits will be positive for everybody in the future. We had an episode recently at 3am when DS wouldnt go back to sleep where DH exclaimed 'ffs this isn't normal' (he says this often and I hate the implication that DS might somehow be abnormal), then punched the mattress a few times, got up and stormed through to the living room. I was most upset the whole following day. Honestly, it is like having an extra child sometimes!! They really just need to man up at times I feel. That's good it's all resolved for you though. It's good to be able to vent on here, makes you feel better. Think my friends are sick of me whining about it!

Natmu Thu 14-Feb-13 20:58:31

Yes mine too. Thanks for your solidarity Nightmoves. It sounds like our DH's have very similar reactions. Mine has also frequently said that DS is not normal. I like the idea of his Darwinism being in action though!

I had a lovely chat today with one of my friend's mums. She is of the same generation as MIL but her attitude was completely different. She was so positive and encouraging to me about having the courage of my convictions and not letting others shake my self belief. Hope you have had a good day and will be able to have a good night.

Nightmoves Sat 16-Feb-13 13:28:00

Afternoon all!
natmu I have thought this before about our DHs. Our MILs sound pretty similar too, no small wonder there!! Hope there are no probs this weekend.

The cot has been in our room for 6 nights now and DS has managed 2 hours in it the last 3 nights with one settling after an hour each time. After that he sleeps next to me due to my laziness extreme tiredness. Is that progress? I'm really not sure... At least he is getting used to his own bed slowly but surely I suppose. He is 1 at the end of march, which is when I promised DH that a drastic plan could be made so am getting a bit nervous now. Keep telling myself that as I am the one who gets up it is ultimately my decision and if I don't want to sleep train then that's that. Maybe a bit hard on DH though. We really have no time together at the moment.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Natmu Sun 17-Feb-13 04:18:21

Nightmoves I gave up on the whole cot scenario months ago. As you say, even if there is no massive progress at least your DS is getting used to the idea of the cot. My DS doesn't have a clue what a cot is! Like you, I think the only way to do things with these babies is little by little. I said to DH that I'm not doing cc but that he's welcome to try if he feels strongly about it. As the chances of him getting out of bed for either of the kids is pretty much zero I think we're safe.

DS2 has been driving me bonkers tonight. He's about to start solids but has been waking every 2 hours for milk. I'm so tired it's just not funny. Hope your night is better than mine!

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