High Needs Baby Support Group (thread V)

(351 Posts)

A new thread for a new year! smile

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

It's not hijacking, that's partly what these threads are for! The last thread saw me having a nervous breakdown halfway through and I got wonderful support and handholding from these lovely ladies. smile Feel free to vent/rant/confide as and when you need to.

And yes, DD does sound like your DS! Especially the bossiness. grin

Been up for two hours. Not crying or feeding. Laughing. Hysterically. At his hands. Wtf?

grin

Joyful, even I was laughing. He is totally bonkers at the moment. He was also stretching out his curls and laughing at them and mine too. I love his smile so much, I could cope with being awake.

How was your night and everyone else?
I would hand out biscuits but they look like weird helmets on this new app.

And I'm on a diet anyway. When I've finished all these real life biscuits.

ticklemyboobsofsteel Thu 03-Jan-13 09:20:36

Just popping on before work to say hello and welcome to MeandMyJoe smile Never worry about lots of posting, it's what we're all here for - support, understanding, and people to rant to that won't tell you that you've made a rod for your own back!

Little How sweet! grin

We're trying to work out what to do with DS's naps. He seems to be gradually going down to one per day, but we don't want to totally cut his morning nap as sometimes he still looks tired (but still refuses sleep sometimes...). Yesterday while I was in the office, he amost didn't have a morning nap - a bottle of mik from DH saved the day, and ended up having 40 minutes. But then totally refused an afternoon nap, and didn't look massively tired during his bath/bedtime. Settled to sleep in bed after about 15 minutes, woke once (bloody foxes making a row) and then slept till 7.30am. Spectacular night, and am wondering if it's because he had such reduced sleep during the day.

DH has taken DS out this morning to a group and to the supermarket and so we'll see how he holds out till naptime after lunch...

Sigh, work beckons...have good days all of you smile

Boobsofsteel, the same here, DS seems to be dropping to one nap as well, although he starts his in the morning. How old is your DS?

My problem is, he seems to need about 2.5-3 hours with just one nap and goes that if we're holding him,but I need to leave at 11:30 for work. I usually get him up at 7, but I might have to try waking him earlier when I go back to work next week so he can have a longer nap. Obviously I'm reluctant to get up earlier, but hopefully it will have an overall positive impact!

ticklemyboobsofsteel Thu 03-Jan-13 12:30:39

DS is coming up for 18 months, Little. I read that they drop to one nap between 15-18 months, and DS has always tended to do everything in his own sweet time smile So far he's doing well. Has just had lunch and I think we're aiming for a nap at 1 or 1.30. Praying it's a decent length one...

DS dropped to one nap last month hmm but I think DD did around this age too. She dropped naps completely at 20 months.

ticklemyboobsofsteel Thu 03-Jan-13 18:48:29

DS dropped his late afternoon nap quite late too, so not surprised he's clung on to two naps so long. Fingers crossed we'll have at least one nap for a while! I can't imagine having no nap time break (not that I get a break while I'm working, but its a bit of quiet time!) in only two more months!

So, he had a nap at 1.30pm, slept for his usual 1.5hrs, woke up pretty grumpy but cheered up as the afternoon went on. He's in the bath now with DH smile

MeAndMyJoeNowHaveRowan Thu 03-Jan-13 20:41:22

Thank you to you all for allowing me to vent! My DS1 still had a nap until he was 4 tickle so hopefully you will have some quiet time for a while too!

DS2 still needs 2 naps a day and gets really crabby sometimes still after only being awake for 2 hours yet will fight it for ages if I try to get him to sleep so I end up keeping him awake for 3 hours but DS1 was the same. I can't seem to make happy babies!

I am just struggling with guilt of having DS1 and feeling like I haven't the energy to deal with either of them. DS1 is really not a challlenging child anymore, just very talkative and requires a fair bit of parental input but I like that about him. I love how interactive and funny he is but I seem to be permenantly grumpy with having DS2's whinging and crying either always in the back ground or constantly waiting for him to start with the whinging and crying. I am just not feeling like I am enjoying any of it at the minute.

How is everyone's days going? I can't be the only one with a grumpus can I????! I always remember when DS1 was about 10 months old me sobbing after he was crying and inconsolable and saying to him 'You will be an only child, you will never have and siblings, I can not do this again!' .... hmmmm, thing is after 3 years I looked at this amazingly articulate, engaging, gentle little boy and was fooled into it all over again!

littlemachine laighing hysterically at his hands sounds so cute!

Nightmoves Thu 03-Jan-13 21:33:56

I love DS dearly but will need to think long and hard about my coping abilities before trying to have another. I really don't know if I could do this again or if me and DH could withstand it, so hats off to you ladies who are on 2nd time around. Christmas very stressful, DH and I finally went out for a few hours leaving DS with my mum and spent much of the time arguing about when to stop bf (DH thinks sooner is better) and how he thinks DS not sleeping is "ruining our lives". The real issue seems to be him sleeping with us. I know DH enjoys this when DS sleeps but hates being woken up. I point out to him that very rarely does he ever actually get up with DS and he can just roll over and go back to sleep, and that we have already agreed no sleep training till he is a year. Plus he has had cold and teething as you know. As for the bf, well that actually upset me. He thinks there is something weird about it as DS gets bigger (only 9 months). We had already agreed no formula as DH has MANY allergies and I had planned on starting to think about weaning at a year but WILL NOT be pushed into it. Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh...

On nap subject, DS is still young but get distinct impression he is trying to drop naps. Seems to be he will have decent one during day (1 1/2 hr) then won't need to sleep again till bed. At very most quick catnap at 4ish. Seems to make no difference to nighttime sleep (equally crap no matter what naps have occurred). If first nap is small (1hr or less) then he will have 2nd. Do you think I should try to alter this? Too young for only 1 nap?

Welcome meandmyjoe. Think you are doing marvellous job.

little that is too cute!!!

joyful how is the walking coming on? Many bumps? I am dreading it as DS prone to bumps just from crawling!!!

ticklemyboobsofsteel Fri 04-Jan-13 09:54:44

Nightmoves Here too. I do really want another baby at some point in the next three or so years, and that's fine in theory, but there is lots to think about as regards to whether we could cope okay.

Just wrote a load more but am using my work laptop and have managed to highlight and delete everything while typing. Grr! It's going to be one of those days...

Hope you all have a good day. MeandMyJoe Naps till 4! That's more like it! grin

I desperately want another baby, but I nearly died when I was pregnant as I was so ill from hyperemesis and neglected by my doctors (long story) and I just know I couldn't look after DS at all if I was that sick again.
I'm looking at a few years at least, when he can be a bit more independent, and I want several children and I have fertility problems, so I'll probably be posting about my 5th HN baby on here when I'm about 60!

We desperately wanted another baby after DD but I just couldn't cope with the idea of going through the PND again. Fate intervened - DS was conceived while I was on the pill! It wasn't great timing as we'd just moved 200 miles and we're living with my parents; the pregnancy meant that we had to move out. I developed AND and then PND afterwards hmm. But you know what, I wouldn't change it for the world. HN babies are tough but they are worth the extra effort and stress and I'm not just saying that because of the antidepressants!

Even now DH and I would love more children, we'd always planned to have 3 or 4. However my physical and mental health means that this isn't possible for us, so we will only have 2. But they're an awesome twosome. smile

The other thing I would say is that one HN baby doesn't mean that your second one will be. There are several posters here who've had 'normal' babies before their HN ones, so it seems reasonable that it can happen the other way round too.

Snugabugz Fri 04-Jan-13 16:22:08

Not sure if I qualify? DS2 is six months, won't nap in his cot only on the move, currently waking every two hours at night, not keen on bottles although lately has had a couple of ounces during the day.

He is happy and content during the day, unless he is ill. It's just the sleep deprivation that's killing me and I am going back to work in three weeks.

Hello Snug! Do you have any support at home? What job are you going back to, is it something where you can have a caffeine drip flexible?

I had a change of haircut yesterday and people keep telling me I look younger! I don't know whether that means my previous haircut made me look older... hmm

It doesn't matter as long as your new haircut doesn't make you look older! What's it like? I have resorted to the MN haircut recently.

Welcome Snug! Come and snuggle in with us in our red eyed heap.

It's shorter, and for the first time in 20 years I have a fringe! I rarely have my hair cut as it's an unnecessary expense but a friend gave me a voucher for a free haircut at a posh salon. grin

I bet you feel great! Love having my hair done. You should take your new hair out somewhere.

MeAndMyJoeNowHaveRowan Fri 04-Jan-13 22:20:13

Haha Joyful I was just nodding in agreement at you seeing a haircut being an unnecessary expense! I always tell my friends this who complain about being skint but go out and spend 60 quid on a hair cut and roots being dyed etc! I have been cutting my own hair since I was 17 and whilst I am no hairdresser, it looks OK enough (ish) grin . I would love a free fancy hair cut though, just to have it styled and feel classy for a day!!!

Well I have actually had a decent enough day with both boys today. Can't say I have achieved anything ground breaking BUT I did look at them both today and think 'awwww now I remember why I can do this' which made me smile after a very hard week with the stress of Christmas and a very whingy cry-y baby! Sadly though DS2 now has a bad cold and is rattley and snotty so nights are even more disturbed. He's been awake crying 3 times already tonight and the only way to settle him is to feed him normally which he isn't taking properly because he's so stuffy he can't breathe properly and is also off his food so isn't hungry. I can see a lot of crying and pacing around with him on the cards for tonight. Ahhh well! At least it's weekend and I must give credit to DH is really does do 50% of the settling and pacing around, cuddling etc so I couldn't ask for more.

I know how you all feels those who are wanting more children but afraid how you'd cope. I knew one day we'd want another, I was very broody after DS1 got over the first 2 years of hell high needs phase but was so scared incase lightening struck twice. Sod's law it did but you just cope. You have to. I know I have been a moany cow since being on here but I wouldn't change the fact that we had DS2. Also with the second you have the benefit of hindsight and the knowledge that it really does get better. With DS1 I really thought he was the only baby in the world who needed constantly soothing, who didn't like the pram, who screamed on car journeys etc and I just thought he was a miserable child. I couldn't have been more wrong. His sensitivity now is definitely a plus point rather than the negative it used to be. His grumpiness was largely due to frustration at not being able to communicate and as I said once he could talk, he talked in paragraphs and is so so interesting to be around. It's just hard going for this first bit, which seems to last forever when I am surrounded by happy gurgling sleeping babies of friends while mine is angry, loud and non sleeping!

Having said that. I wouldn't have any more! Haha. Not just because of the high needs thing but how much I have been dpressed after both of mine and of course the older DS1 gets the more I feel he would pick up on it and it inevitable would impact on him more to go through it again. ~Never again! DH has had snip now anyway so no more for us.

MeAndMyJoeNowHaveRowan Fri 04-Jan-13 22:21:07

WOW!! Another epically long post from me! I am starting to see why DS1 talks so much and who he gets it from blush !

Do you know what MeAndMyJoe, only recently a couple of my friends who I don't see because they live away have reached out to me about their HN babies.
I'm not a Facebook baby bore but I post about the odd bad night and so on, and they've asked tentative questions and then practically fallen sobbing at my feet (in a virtual, inboxy way) because they're so grateful to not be alone. It does feel very isolating, yet we're really not alone.
That's how I felt when I found this thread too, at the height of the awfulness in November. I cried. Well I was probably already crying because I did nothing else, but I cried with relief.

Snugabugz Sat 05-Jan-13 10:38:43

Hi thanks for making me feel welcome. My job is full time and I do work from home two or three days a week. So in theory I could feed the baby during the day when DH is looking after him.

I should also be able to leave early to give a feed at around teatime as long as I read emails etc at same time.

I have a secret confession that I kind of hope that when he goes to nursery in a couple of months time that he will settle down and take a bottle as there's no alternative. By then he'll be seven months and having food too. Fingers crossed as I would like someone else to be able to feed him, especially at night.

I also thought that if I am totally sleep deprived no one would know if I had a sneaky nap! I would if course make up the time in the evening.

I am currently applying for a new better paid job and have done most of the application form with a baby attached to my boob. I might put this in the 'skills' section.

Caffeine drip sounds good but what I really miss is wine. I go to bed straight after the baby does most nights.

Hoping for a better night tonight for you all.

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