High Needs Baby Support Group (thread V)

(351 Posts)

A new thread for a new year! smile

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

Natmu Wed 06-Mar-13 07:15:22

Hi all, welcome to new ones. Feeling shitty this morning. Had a really stressful day yesterday with DS2 screaming more or less all the time whilst trying to do school runs and hospital appointments. Today has started in just the same way. Up at 5. Played for an hour quite happy. Tried to put him down to make DS1's packed lunch. Screamed the house down. He's literally only happy when he's physically attached to me and I'm just so drained and exhausted. We co-sleep and he's getting very panicky and scared when I give him to anyone other than DH so I just feel like it's all on me. DH has a bad back and zero patience so he's not much help either. I've just had enough of looking like shit because I'm covered in puke or baby food and feeling like shit because I'm so tired. When can I be me again??? sad

Kafri Wed 06-Mar-13 07:36:52

aw natmu sending hugs.

if its any consolation in fed up of having absolutely nothing to wear as nithing fits yet and I refusr to go buy a new wardrobe when hopefully I'll get back in my old stuff.

im literally rotating 2 pairs of trackies and a pair of jeans for if I go anywhere and have to look half decent wink

stargirl1701 Wed 06-Mar-13 13:01:41

Kafri gringringrin

I was back in my clothes 2 months later but then it was Christmas. I am back in my maternity clothes... hmm

MXP78 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:05:40

Star girl - what's ACT therapy?

We're on holiday at the moment. First time away from home. Thought my anxiety had pretty much gone but now it's back! DD not coping well with having to sleep somewhere that's not her own cot. Having a total screaming meltdown every time we try and put her in the travel cot. Our cottage is connected to another and on the otherside of the wall to her cot is the head of the other people's bed. They must loooove us. Too scared to make eye contact with them as they must wonder what we're doing to her. Squealings her new thing so she does that about every 5 mins when she wants to do something new. We've been out for lunch twice and DH and i had to take it in turns to eat our lunch alone at the table while the other jiggled and walked around the restaurant with DD to stop her screaming. She wont even sit on our laps. Has to be full walking around. And even then tries to push off us. Like SeymourinOz said, it just doesn't feel worth leaving the house. Going on holiday has just bought my anxiety back sad

MXP78 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:10:40

Also meant to ask, has anyone got their LO in daycare. Before I had DD I was not intending on going back to work. I thought I was going to be this brilliant stay at home Mum. But the reality is far from that, I'm really not enjoying it.. I feel like I can't do this 5 days a week anymore on my own. So am thinking of trying to go back to work part time but the thought of putting DD in child care really worries me with the way she is. She needs to be constantly moved around or she meltsdown. How can they accommodate that in a nursery?

stargirl1701 Wed 06-Mar-13 20:29:30

Oh, MXP we had that happen on holiday too. It was hands down the worst holiday we've ever had. Just a long weekend in Aviemore but she would not settle. We heaved a sigh of relief when we got home.

I believe ACT is Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. I'm not sure what it entails - I'm supposed to be doing Internet homework grin I'm actually washing DD's clothes as we need to move to the next size. Time to venture into the attic!

DD is not in any childcare at the moment. I'm meant to be taking a year for my mat leave but, like you, I'm really not enjoying it. I just hope the next 6 months is better than the first 6 months. I plan to use a childminder rather than a nursery as I think DD will need a close, nurturing relationship rather than a busy nursery. Just need to find one...

stargirl1701 Wed 06-Mar-13 20:49:50

Well DD is 6 months old today grin

She is sleeping upstairs, alone, for the first time ever! Gulp! I'm sitting downstairs with the monitor wondering if she is ok smile No screaming yet...

Nightmoves Thu 07-Mar-13 20:48:56

<lays out fresh tray of matchsticks and brew, adds brandy>

stargirl that sounds like great progress. Even if she wakes up in the next minute it is still a new accomplishment and amazing. Yay! You must be so proud of her!

DS's sleep is all over the shop at the mo. Very demanding days plus little naps, very grudgingly taken I might add, make for one pissed off and tired mama. He is also refusing to lie down to get his nappy changed and challenging my authority a lot. Screams bloody murder if I, for example, take something away he has sneakily acquired that he's not supposed to have. Things had better settle down soon... How I'm going to cope when he's a fully fledged toddler I don't know. My baby centre 11 month old newsletter emailed today has an article on whether you are ready for another baby! Ha!!! What a laugh. Can't cope with one!!!!

natmu that is shit things are tough for you too. Can't believe you have two. Do you ever feel you have been posting here for so long things should be better by now??????!!!!!!

Nightmoves Thu 07-Mar-13 20:50:55

Ps - that happened to us on holiday too. We were so close to staying in our room with room service towards the end of the week. He is much better now I have to say. Phew!!!

Kafri Thu 07-Mar-13 21:52:27

star YAY!!! good on you, and her. how long did she nap?

CabbageHead Thu 07-Mar-13 22:57:29

Hi chooks, DS has a bad cold so been a tad busy...

Yeh I lived in 2sets of trackies and same tops for 6mths... Was great when reflux calmed down, no point in spoiling nice clothes! U will get there...

I don't reckon many high needs bubs makeit to daycare.. I never thought I'd do daycare also thought I'd be happy stay at home mum.. And I REMEMBER very clearly the thought finally dawning that's could put DS in daycare and avoid him by going to work!! Wot a great feeling! But then I thought if he doesn't nap well at daycare he,ll be up all night even more ... Who knows... I am contemplating work for one two days a week just for my sanity.. At the mo he won't even sleep at grandmas so not sure ... Hopefully he,ll get used tout and I think they just take longer than other bubs... [hmmm]

Yeh I didn't even go home to NZ until last month when DS was 10mths becos I couldn't face the challenge. We had trial run had 5day holiday at friends place in country town ..he slept better there tha at home! He was very relaxed, my friend also had a diff son (grown p into lovely young man), so she was great, he also loved her kitty and scooting around her big home...

Made me think maybe our home has too much crap and is way too over stimulating for him...as hers is uncluttered and spacious! But it was quiet there day and night. The portacot wasn't too much of an issue, but I covered it in blankets even half over top which I know is it no no but I think the cave womb like surroundings must've helped... And very noisy fan and consistent temperature as well..

When we went home to NZ I chose not to stay in hotel as too noisy disruptive so we hired a house... Was great but he slept terribly, think the portacot was uncomfortable and woteva washing powder they used on the sheets was so overpowering I couldn't handle it so DS is prob the same..

Yeh we have the nappy change challenge now, I have at least 3thngs for distraction at nappy change table and bath time , just have to find new things to amuse him all the time. Worst is shoving the rotor book into the poo depths below... Good one!

CabbageHead Thu 07-Mar-13 23:03:57

I'm so tired from the multiple wakings due to shot monster blocked nose that I just walked him up street in pram with my eyes closed!

And last night I jumped into the cot hoping that wld help him sleep but he just wriggled and writhed and kept kicking the cot bars... Lucky I was so delirious last night I just found everything funny (for a change!!!).. I tried to put him in pram for bedtime so he could sleep sitting up,but he got so hysterical which was great as that tired him out heh... U know how moronic it gets at night where u are trying to open doors but it's the wall, and putting soothing balm on his dummy, or as DH does tries to stick dummy in his ear ha ha HO HO so funny one day we will look back and laugh...hmm

That reminds me of the time i gave him massage oil instead of teething mix in the dark in middle of the night! I can't believe he drank the entire amount! Lucky it was baby massage oil so just olive oil and lavender and chamomile!!! Didn't help sedate him tho... I rang my friend who is a nurse the next day and she just laughed her head off and said it prob just give him a good clean out... So it's a family joke now, quick get the massage oil and give him a dose!

CabbageHead Fri 08-Mar-13 08:15:42

Usual story tonight, got DH to help settle DS fr bedtime as my sternum is killing me... 1.5 hrs later.... HO hum.. so annoying as yesterday I got him into bed at 6pm to catch up on sleep as naps were short... No chance of that today as DH Gives in too easily, then leaves DS to get more and more OT therefore very hypo... Sigh... Short arvo nap because roof contracting (goes clunk very loudly) woke DS up...

stargirl1701 Fri 08-Mar-13 08:32:30

Thank you for the nibbles Night grin

Cabbage, you're going to need that coffee! I hope you get a rest soon.

Well DD last an hour and a half on Wed night. Not too bad. We are off to PILs this weekend... DH & I should get an evening out but, going on last time, probably not much sleep. hmm

stargirl1701 Fri 08-Mar-13 09:32:09

Gah! This baby! Up half the night and now napping like an angel.

<sobs> I want both........I want napping and sleeping.

grin

CabbageHead Fri 08-Mar-13 10:11:33

Haha I am still in the habit of not drinking coffee for fear of it passing into my breastmilk and keeping DS awake even more!!!

I did read on a great website by experienced sleep nurse grandma that often babies r like that, either good night sleepers or good day nappers... Urs just alternates to keep u n ur toes!!!

Early to bed for us tonight... DS is not so snotty today so no doubt tomorrow will be back o his ol tricks...h E has actually been much better to settle while he as been sick... Too tired to fight the hands that want to MAKE HIM SLEEP...!

Off to bed now... hmm

MXP78 Fri 08-Mar-13 14:14:33

So back from holiday. Phew! Last 2 nights weren't as bad as she missed her afternoon sleep so was so exhausted at bed she fell asleep breastfeeding which she hasn't done since she was about 2 weeks old. We also took her swimming on both days. It was her first time and maybe that's what tired her out to fall asleep feeding as well. Woke up a few times in the night but easily went back to sleep so not too bad. Car ride home also not too bad... She slept for most of it even though she wasn't due a sleep. My how times have changed. When she was 3 months old she was due a sleep for hour car ride and still screamed for all of it. So, she is getting better. Must keep focussing on that!

CabbageHead - I'm also from NZ. Where are you from in NZ? Are you living in Oz? I'm in London and no way I will take DD on that flight any time soon. Just the thought of it is making me sick!

So sorry for those with the really bad sleepers at night. I lived with that for 6 months and it was nearly the end of me. Going to get controversial here... but has anyone tried controlled crying? We did it when our DD was 6 months old and it's the only thing that has saved me from depression I think. She used to wake up about 8 - 10 times a night. Now she sleeps from 7pm - 5am. I am a different person now. I know there's lots of arguments against it but I wasn't coping without sleep and needed it to be a better Mummy which I am now.

stargirl1701 Fri 08-Mar-13 22:18:13

MXP, I'm glad you enjoyed some of your holiday. I must admit I loved taking my class swimming as behaviour was always better. It seems to tire children out in a way no other exercise does.

DD is just 6 months so we haven't done CC. I'm not ready to try it yet.

SeymoreInOz Fri 08-Mar-13 22:36:12

MXP I'm glad the rest of your holiday was good, the first holiday with a baby is always a bit of a slap in the face. I remember buying magazines in the airport, thinking I would read them, ha! We're living in Oz and will have to make the flight back to the UK at some point. I feel panicky just thinking about it, he is so unbelievably loud and he cries so much. If only I could just feed him to sleep!

I had a monster migraine last night and took migraleve, the flashing lights were so bad I couldn't read what the leaflet said about breastfeeding. I think it's ok as a one off but DS did a 4 hour stretch between feeds last night so it must have affected him.

I must get my act together to take him swimming soon, the bath is often the only thing that stops the yelling. I'm still not really going out anywhere with him though. Do I just need to woman up and accept that he will yell and people will stare??

CabbageHead Sat 09-Mar-13 03:28:17

Kia Ora mxp I'm from rotorua how bout you? Yeh I have lived in oz since I was 19 but my family r all still in NZ... I did live in London for 18mths when I was 20.. Yeh I wldnt take DS on long flight either it wld be hell for other passengers and us!

Yeh it's hard to balance giving them enough playtime without becoming OT or overstimulated, and feeding and settling! I find if DS is out with me in car errands etc then often he hasn't burnt off enough energy before his naptime but may still be OT...

Ha ha I was reading a previous post on here about CC that dev into a majorly heated discussion! I have no issue with CC, anything works if u r consistent enough I think dep on temperament, sickness etc... Yes I started it when I was referred to sleep school when DS was 4.5mths... They usually don't start sleep training until 6mths but they took 1 look at DS, deemed him high needs and recommended I start sleep training ASAP becos he is so strong minded.. (and he did the 45min nap mostly so was OT all the time)..

CC has worked for me on and off, mostly it works unless ts sickness or milestone time and I have to resort to other tactics... I know def now that because of his age however I settle him it must be in cot (not PUPD).

I had to walk him and rock him a bit the last 2days since he was I'll and also on HO,s when he was in portacot so I have just broken that habit when we got back from NZ but then cos he had to learnt to stand up in cot I found that I had a meerkat!!!! So I have to keep him down under a really tight sheet at first otherwise CC doesn't work because he doesn't cry he just plays and plays for hours...

He has always been able to self settle it's just his strong temperament that means he will take on a battle and wants everything his way. He had just started STTN before we went to NZ, so now we r back to inconsistent sleeping mainly because of being so OT. But I know he will get there again soon once we get past the standing up... Of course then it will be walking so there is no end in sight really!! Just have to survive each week basically and keep an eye on the wonder weeks helps too, I always forget about them..

mxp I empathize on the loudness issue, my DS is funny, he is very quiet and well behaved out of home, saves the yelling for at home mainly with me.. Sometimes he is SO LOUD I think he has burst my eardrum! I keep saying as soon as he is a kid running around shouting, I'm going to make him a tshirt with volume knobs on it so he can turn himself down we we ask him too! (kind of a visual reminder).

Yes we r lucky we have beach closely because positive ions good to breathe in for sleeping too ( fresh air at beach) but of course it's always a dilemma fitting in a trip (40mi s drive return at least) and fitting meals in and getting back in time for wind down for nap! As best time for beach is morning as too hot or windy later but it's his shortest awake in morning ... Can't wait to he drops to one sleep so life will be more manageable.

My biggest issue as that DH has 50%success rate in settling for sleeps so i dont get a break from the constant battle. Catch 22 situation 24/7 which perpetuates the sleep battle even more!

DH is out of town tonite playing gig so I'm solo tonight grrrrrr... Only cos I'm so tired and I really hurt my body last few days having to carry rock soothe DS while he was sick and struggling to breathe...

stargirl1701 Sat 09-Mar-13 20:37:53

At the cinema with DH gringrin

stargirl1701 Sun 10-Mar-13 16:09:01

Happy Mother's Day to you all! grin

MXP78 Sun 10-Mar-13 18:31:16

Thanks stargirl Happy Mothers day to you too. Hope you had a nice evening at the cinema. Nice to do something normal again? What did you see?

seymoreinoz the bath was also the only thing that would stop my DD crying in the early evening. It was so strange, she'd be crying for an hour, put her in the bath and she'd stop and smile and laugh and play happily. As soon as I took her out of the bath, the crying would start again immediately. So I thought she'd love swimming. she did seem to enjoy it but only for about 15 mins. She may have been getting cold though. I think you just need to bite the bullet and get out of the house. At the start I was so nervous that she would go into one and people would stare. NOw I just think, I can always just go home if I need to. Even if it means leaving a trolley full of groceries!

cabbagehead I'm from Wellington and miss it and my family terribly sad. Moved to Oz in 2006 for 4.5 years then to the UK (with British husband) Re the loudness. DD nearly gave an elderly woman a heart attack on our holiday. We were out for lunch and she let out one of her all mighty screams/squeals and this lady literally jumped off her seat. My MIL has to turn her hearing aids off when she comes over as DD nearly bursts her ear drums with the squealing.

Hope everyone in the UK has had a great Mother's day. You are all doing amazing jobs dealing with our little challenging treasures!

CabbageHead Sun 10-Mar-13 23:07:36

Ha ha mxp that's so funny about the lady on ur hols and ur MIL having to turn down her hearing aid!!! I'm sure its not funny for you but it's funny al the same! Yeh the squealing is horrible, lucky DS is more a shouter although he does like to squeal in the bathroom as better acoustics for shrieking he has discovered.... Hrumph! angry

I wonder if the warm water in bath soothed her pain, sore belly or legs or something...? DS just loves bath and shower too much it is not a relaxing experience it's more of a sport so we can't do bath before bed because revs him up too much... Sigh!

Wellington is lovely place one of my friends lives there.. Too cold for me tho, but yeh I miss my friends so much as they r all scattered around.. My poor mum cries every time she sees DS,s bib that we left behind !

stargirl yay u got to be a normal person detached from your limpet for a night! I would love to go to movies DH keeps saying we shld go but I'm am always was too tired!

seymore maybe u could wear a tshirt that says... BACK OFF !!! SO MY KID YELLS AT LEAST HE DOESNT STARE RUDELY AT PEOPLE!!!!!

mxp and seymore or maybe when u get on the bus just hand out earplugs and don't say anything. Or maybe you should get on the bus with your own industrial earmuffs then you would be oblivious, hey I reckon that's what u should do!

On the plus side we have had two good nights with only one or two wakings, DS has 4more teeth poking thru so no wonder he was up all night... Wish they,d all come thru at once! (don't wish it on Him tho!)..

I had a terrible coup,e of days after waking up with his cold stuffy nose I was exhausted, climbed into cot twice to try and make him sleep...I was crying from exhaustion and I just had to keep him in his cot in his room even tho he wldnt sleep becos I just had no energy to get him up and play with him... I feel better today.. Women's troubles!

Gee it's so comfortable in his cot can't understand why he can't sleep lol! I'm was so exhausted yesterday that I fell asleep in the arvo (for 15mins), and forgot about friends baby shower, feel terrible but she understands our dilemma luckily..

Happy mummy's day everyone. My MIL gave me a mum,s number 1 badge for mothers day but I didn't feel like I was a number one mum at the time! Bittersweet the first Mothers day when you have high needs bubs !

SeymoreInOz Tue 12-Mar-13 02:00:42

That's a brilliant idea! DD has actually got some ear defenders (bought for a fireworks display, very pfb) I'm going to start wearing them all the time! God you must exhausted cabbage, I hope you get a few more good nights.

DS is the same, the screaming stops in the bath and starts up again as soon as you get him out. I think it reminds him of happier times in the womb! His tummy is definitely giving him gip at the mo.

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