High Needs Baby Support Group (thread V)

(351 Posts)

A new thread for a new year! smile

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

CabbageHead Sat 02-Mar-13 11:45:41

Hi chooks..

I just got home from being out.... No I mean I JUST GOT HOME from being OUT!!!!!

OUT OUT OUT OUT!!!!!!

Heh first night out on my own in 10mths!!!

We Hav been out as a couple once to a wedding (tell u all about that one anther time!) been out all day shopping ... Left DS home with DH. Who only managed to get 45minnap out f him the entire day... Heh WELCOME TO MY WORLD father of the year DH!!!!!!!!!!!! DH looked exhausted! Heh heh HO hum... Then Iwent OUT FOR DINNER with some of mothers group chics... So weird to go out soooooooo nice!!!!

Yes I will pay fr it for next fortnight of fighting the OT creature but it was SO WORTH IT!!!!!

Better get some sleep now it's been a tough week chat more tomorrow.. Hope u have a good restful day or night!!!! Don't forget to make yourself rest forget the housework u NEED REST to cope with ur LO,s....

stargirl1701 Sat 02-Mar-13 12:31:57

Seymour, I couldn't agree more. I come home and cry after virtually every group I go to. The shock of the other mums is really hard to see. It makes you realise how difficult your dc is. hmm

MXP, DD is 25 weeks (+2 days). The referral is for her silent reflux. The GP is not prepared to prescribe anything else, not even the max dose of Ranitidine, so we need to speak to a specialist.

We've had a shit night. Up at least twice every hour between 7pm and 3am. Screaming again from 11am till noon today. DH and I have just had an argument.

When is this going to get better? Right now, I feel really low.

MXP78 Sun 03-Mar-13 15:05:06

Stargirl, how awful for you. My DD was also on Ranitidine. As she got bigger they increased her dose. Although don't think she went near the max dose. The Dr also gave me a prescription for Domperidone which I could get if the increased Ranitidine didn't work. It did seem to work so I didn't end up using the Domperidone. But isn't it awful how different Drs are and how you really have to fight with some to listen to you. My DD seems to have grown out of reflux now at 8mths. Hopefully the same will happen for you. It does get better as they grow out of it x

CabbageHead, good on you for going out! I've had one night out on my own with the other NCT Mum's since my DD was born. Some of the other Mum's were sitting there saying they missed their babies... I was like "can somebody please order me another bottle of wine, I'm not going home until this restaurant closes"

stargirl1701 Sun 03-Mar-13 19:39:11

Thanks MXP. smile

I'm in need of some hand holding tonight. Put DD down in her cot on her front. I'm sitting in her room with her. A part of me wants this to work as she will get some sleep. But...oh god...what if...? I've got SIDS flashing in my brain.

MXP78 Sun 03-Mar-13 19:57:38

If it makes you feel any better, my GP suggested sleeping my DD on her front... When she was 3 mths old I pretty much broke down from the lack of sleep. Without me knowing, my husband booked an appt at our GP as he was worried I was getting PND or about to have a nervous breakdown. Our GP suggested sleeping her on her front to see if it worked. It didn't seem to help us that much but I did do it a few times. Lots of babies your DD's age will probably be rolling over in their sleep themselves and sleeping on their front.

stargirl1701 Sun 03-Mar-13 20:08:32

My DH wondered that aloud this weekend grin I don't think I'm depressed but you never know. My GP has organised a psychological assessment tomorrow so I guess I'll find out then!

DD can't roll yet. I think that's why I'm so worried. I personally think I may have Post Natal Anxiety.

MXP78 Sun 03-Mar-13 20:37:12

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I didn't think I was depressed either but I had anxiety that felt out of control. I've only read about Post Natal Anxiety today on this site. I'd never heard of it before. I reckon I totally must have had that (am so much better now). I kept saying to my husband that I permanently felt anxious. That made the sleeping worse as when my DD did eventually fall asleep, instead of falling asleep myself, the anxiety would kick in about what the night was going to be like and I would just lie there waiting to hear her start to cry. As soon as I heard the first noise, I would feel a physical flood of something pour into my stomach. That anxious feeling is totally awful. Sending you lots of love and support x

stargirl1701 Sun 03-Mar-13 20:59:41

That's exactly it, MXP. It's like she's a ticking bomb and I'm just waiting for her to go off!

Kafri Sun 03-Mar-13 21:45:47

Oh star I know how you feel about putting them on their tummy. I think i'd feel better if it was putting him on his tummy just in his cot but my tummy knots cos he insists on these bloody cushions.
Having spent the last few nights on his nursery floor wit him, I can honestly say that while it is slightly more comfortable than my living room laminate - it still makes you wake with a bloody sore back.

I try to think that there are plenty of mums out there who have had to let their babies sleep on their tummy before they can roll themselves, and years back it was actually advised. Hope she settles a bit for you to get a bit of rest yourself.xx

stargirl1701 Sun 03-Mar-13 21:55:21

Unfortunately, it didn't work. She's had 2 screaming fits already since 7pm.

Kafri, you need to work out a more comfortable sleeping arrangement! grin Maybe borrow a single mattress from a friend? You're going to be hobbling by the end of next week.

CabbageHead Sun 03-Mar-13 22:13:54

So annoying, I wrote this massive reply last night took me ages replaying to all of you then it disappeared!!! Maybe it was too long and they rejected it ha ha!

Just sedating the beast back soon...

ticklemyboobsofsteel Mon 04-Mar-13 21:48:06

Quick wave to you all. And big welcomes to those who have joined us since I last posted.

Work has been crazy the last month or so, and little fella is getting his last canine (and probably starting work on his last molars thank god) so sleep has been pretty awful. We had a week of him sleeping 8-7, with one wake and sometimes none at all, but tis all now a distant memory again. He's doing much better tonight, no settles needed so far...

Bugger. Spoke too soon. He's having a moan.

Hope you're all as well as you can be on zero sleep, and wishing decent nights to you all smile

CabbageHead Mon 04-Mar-13 23:17:17

Hi all,

Yes sleep WOT IS THAT???? I have had 2 of the roughest weeks I've ever had, just could not get that creature to settle, each nap/bedtime was a 2hr battle on average.. U end up so despondent.. DH is the worst support. He means well but just doesn't have a clue... Took creature to hardware store and super art, came back after 6pm, can u imagine he was so overstimulated he wldnt go down until 8pm! I was so pissed off aft spending the entire day moving everything forward so I could get him into bed early to catch up.

DS is so overtired I've never ever seen him this bad. From moment he gets up in morning he is yawning, every mealtime he is rubbing his eyes banging his head rubbing his ears, lolling about deliriously from exhaustion. And whinge whinge whinge omg so over that clingy whingeing beast lol!

Anyway been doing lots of research online checking out blogs and forums, new strategy this morning, think I've been confusing him too much as being trying to settle him anyway possible just to get him down to nap, bed. The constant standing in cot has been so so so bad.

Anyway so I still have to stick him under the really tight sheet that nearly cuts off his circulation but is hard for him to escape, but instead of leaving him there screaming (he hates being confined, don't blame him, he is freedom boy like his mummy), I sat with him, NO PUPD, just said lie down over and over about 10times at least until he compromised, then I took him out of tight sheet and just patted him quietly and stayed with my arms thru the bars so he knew I wasn't going away.. SA is such a pleasure....NOT!!!!! Only took half an hour!

Yay yippee!!! I feel like a new person and all is right with the world again. I know it will be short lived but celebrate each step forward. (I already know with DS it's always one step forward two steps back but hey I'm still celebrating my achievement lol!) I gave him panadol and he was already so tired that he spent most of morning crying so I may have just been lucky. Cancelled going to MIL today focus on my new wonderful strategy. hmm

stargirl
Have u had dd checked for ear infection? If going to Gp too hard u could try hearing centre where they check ur hearing, but ask them to check using their typo meter, which tests the fluid behind the ear canal that docs cannot see with their little light thing.

Also I read in previous post somewhere that couple ended up bypassing the Gp referral long wait thing by taking their screaming LO straight to emergency at hospital when she was screaming heaps and they got to see paediatrician straight away.

mxp had to laugh at ur prev post about sleep advice books, yeh I roll my eyes when it comes to that advice about put baby down at such n such time, and baby miraculously sleeps for 2.5hrs whereby u then get them up to have lunch and then they go down again miraculously at such n such time ha ha ha ha ha
Wot happens when they sleep so short they are mega OT by the time you r supposed to put them down again.. Crock of shit for our LO,s!

CabbageHead Mon 04-Mar-13 23:29:51

kafri I used to try and MAKE DS sleep on his tummy but he never wld, took him ages to get that it was a comfy sleeping position for him!!! Don't worry as long as they have good head control I wld try at least for naps, because naps are short enou for u to keep eye on them, ESP if u have monitor?

star u ca get bumpers which make them lie on their side.. In hindsight I really wish I'd persisted with that from start, a Gp advised me to do that and all other HV and gps, nurses were horrified, but reflux bubs settle better as long as not on their back..

Wheni had referral for sleep school the clinical nurse who had 30yrs experience with non sleeping babies said the incididence of non sleeping babies is out of control due to SIDS advice, as before they used to always settle babies on their side facing the wall of cot as settling them on back they can look around too much and stay stimulated rather than face cot wall and be bored. She also thinks that's why there is so much reflux. (she was the one who took one look at DS and said, he is high needs get him to sleep school ASAP as he wil only get worse.)( she also me DH and said to me he is the most oppositional father I have ever come across in my 30 year career!!!) she was hilarious straight talking lady I loved her!

http://www.reflux.org.au
check out this website it's Aussie reflux website so useful, ESP read article by Gp about eustachian tube dysfunction.

Yeh post natal anxiety is not discussed much and shld have diff medication than PND. Def just take wot ever they offer , as the paed said to me it will just take the edge of for 6mths. I have never liked the idea of meds but am so happy for any help that helps me keep my cool with DS. He is too challenging as well as DH being a challenge it has been too much. If I wasn't on meds I hate to think who I might have killed first lol! I am only on lowest dose so it's. Not perfect but good compromise for me. I even got DH on meds now cos he always had depression! I only realized after being so sleep deprived and taking painkillers for shingles and then being able to sleep in a relaxed state made me realize how bad a state my body mind was in! (when I was thinking oh these painkillers are so great I went shite better go and get myself assessed ha ha!)

CabbageHead Tue 05-Mar-13 02:14:08

Arvo nap, no improvement... Sigh...oh well at least I had no screaming fits this morn! Creature is screaming his head off in anger... I'm out in lounge where it's not so in your face loud! Really helps to go and do something to keep frustration at bay...

CabbageHead Tue 05-Mar-13 03:42:08

1.5 hrs later finally down FFS! Takes so much time out if the day... And if those cockatoos start up I'm going out to buy a shotgun this arvo!!!!!!!!

SeymoreInOz Tue 05-Mar-13 05:18:42

Ha, for me it's the kookaburras, particularly annoying at 4am. If I had to boot to hand I would lob it.

DS is impossible to settle in the day, he won't feed to sleep, rocking, patting, shushing, walking him in the pram or sling, none of it works. In fact I actually think it keeps him awake. He seems to need to cry for a minute or two before he can nod off. I try everything and he always cries before he sleeps. We've got visitors staying soon and I'm really nervous about it, they'll prob think I'm torturing the poor thing. I've tried the dummy a few times but he won't have that either!

SeymoreInOz Tue 05-Mar-13 05:24:00

And after all that he wakes up screaming 15 minutes later!!

CabbageHead Tue 05-Mar-13 07:15:26

Had a 1.5hr nap this arvo and 1hr this morning.. YAY TO ME!!!! FINALLY a decent sleep!!! I plugged him full of panadol this morn then nurofen this arvo and just wldnt give up and yelled GO TO SLEEP FFS tried to stay calm ... Heh

I'm sure tonight will be another battle but I'm ok cos I know we had a good day.. Ahhh sigh of relief, first breakthrough in over 2.5 wks...

Yeh we have kookaburras too, and always always they laugh and cookies start screeching at 4am... So very annoying! I'm thinking of getting a fake bird of prey to hangin a tree but then it will scare away all the nice pretty lovely birds.. Cockies r out there now squawking until after dusk...grrrrrr cocky curry anyone?

Crying before he sleep sis fine his just getting out the days fun... Babies r spouses to cry at bedtime so I wld say u r lucky.. I let DS cry and le it when he does cos that's how they get it all out of their system so their bodies can relax.. He doesn't cry enough anymore and just plays or whinges which is my problem!

Does it take him long to settle during day? Do u have music or white noise to soothe? Might not need it if he only cries for a minute or two? When he woke up screaming did u go in and try to shush him back to sleep? They wake screaming cos they r halfway thru sleep so I often try and shush back to sleep, works better as they get older and are able to transition between the sleep stages better.. Or maybe his ears if he has reflux...

CabbageHead Tue 05-Mar-13 07:41:47

Btw I love your posting name tickle cracked me up when I first saw it! DS now touches our dials (DH and me) when we r in shower and we go 'beep'... He thinks this is very funny! (it's always a game until u r out in a posh restaurant!)

Kafri Tue 05-Mar-13 08:13:50

hmmm think we're going backwards.

DS woke at 4, kept settled til 5 but wad squirmy! (is that a word)?

seems like he's starting with the writhing and groaning he used to to as a new newborn? ?
is it possible that his pepti 1 and omeprazole can become less effective? they were working so well sad

CabbageHead Tue 05-Mar-13 10:47:17

Hey kafri
Poor bub, that writhing thing is horrible when they r so uncomfortable... Don't they calculate Omeprazole by weight? So u have to keep adjusting it? Have u had his ears checked re fluid ? Does he get gassy or react to something in ur bm?

Once when I was having major letdown issues and DS was getting too much foremilk, it was making him gassy and refluxy, so I did the cabbage leaf thing where u stuff cabbage leaves on ur breasts to dry them up, well it dried one side up completely so I had to reestablish it all over (I have so many stories about bf!!) anyway for 3days afterwards, DS farted non stop and they STUNK of cabbage, and I mean STUNK!!!! It was like a super concentrate caBbage smell so bad... Poor DS, probably gave him brain damage! No wonder he can't sleep!

CabbageHead Tue 05-Mar-13 10:51:58

DS down at 7.50pm... Tried to get him in for 7.30pm cos he woke just before 4pm but DH took him for walk and came back 10mins too late as usual... Shits me so much he a,ways always does that.. I just know the very small window of opportunity i have to guve ds last bottle and get into bed.. If he is rubbing his eyes ears when im feeding him usually i am doomed to fail and will have to spend hours settling cos he goes straight into hypo mode...

Had to keep DS under the tight sheet again as he was jumping up etc, the more that happens the more he gets hypo.

Anyway kept telling him time for sleep, etc went out twice for lengthy periods, but he must have got fed up trying in the end, so went to sleep, panadol helped tho too..if only u could give it to them all day everyday!!

stargirl1701 Tue 05-Mar-13 20:24:12

Well, I've been for my psychological assessment. The doc says I am overly anxious but it is a normal reaction given what has happened to both of us over the last 6 months. So, I've to have ACT therapy starting on 18th April.

DD has decided to either have a good day OR a good night but not together. She slept really well last night (still doing the 3am dreamfeed) but would not nap longer than 20 min today even in the pram hmm

Kafri, I know you have PMd me but my app is playing up and I can't read it angry I'll try to log in online.

SeymoreInOz Tue 05-Mar-13 22:27:09

A minute or two was probably a bit generous! grin

Stargirl that's good news about the assessment.

So bottle refusal is our new thing, it started the day after I invested in a medela swing!!

DS was waking up every 2 hours last night and took ages to settle. He had quite a chilled morning though and was ready for a nap at school run time. I stupidly decided to put him in the pram and he screamed at the top of lungs the whole way there and back. I had to wave poor DD off at the entrance because she didn't want me to me to go in. Now he's overtired and is shouting the house down.

I basically don't leave the house now unless I absolutely have to. So school runs and food shopping only. I cannot stand the people stopping in their tracks and turning to stare or covering their ears. I want to scream at them. Even before I had kids I knew better than to make a mum with a screaming baby feel worse about the situation by acting like a complete tool. And breathe.

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