Misery loves company: anyone want to join me on a support thread for those desperate and demoralised by their 8/9/10 mo sleep?

(1000 Posts)
Suchanamateur Tue 11-Dec-12 14:36:13

Bloody sleep regression. It's like 4 months all over again but worse because it felt (briefly) like we were getting somewhere. Feck. Anyone else want to share tales of woe or is it (a) just me or (b) way too depressing to post about..?

I have to whinge here, otherwise I won't be able to resist posting sarcy comments...there are two threads in a couple of other forums from mums seeking advice who are 'shattered', 'sleep deprived', 'exhausted' and 'on their knees' because their babies are waking once, sometimes twice, a night for feeds.

I know it's not a competition, and I'm sure they're their own versions of 'exhausted' but AIBU to want to post, 'you don't know you're f---ing alive'?

OK, bitch back in the box now.

HearMyRoar Mon 31-Dec-12 19:33:56

I know what you mean Elpheba!

I do think that sometimes people have some unrealistic expectations of how much babies sleep and don't seem to realise that it is normal for babies to wake in the night a couple of times. A couple of times a night I can live with, it's the waking every hour that kills me or waking and then not settling for 2 hours.

HearMyRoar Mon 31-Dec-12 19:38:00

Hi Visualise, sorry to say it but as getting my dd to sleep for 4 hours in one go is cause for celebration in this house I don't think I am really qualified to offer advice to someone who has a baby that sleeps till 4-5am without waking. I think there are some early waking threads about so you might be better off posting in one of those.

I think visualise can be pretty certain that any suggestions we might make would be qualified by, 'but it didn't work for me'. grin

Tell you what, though, she's got a cracking good massage for a constipated baby, IIRC...

blossombath Mon 31-Dec-12 21:17:55

grin I wasn't sure if we were allowed to point out the irony of asking for help about an early waker from a load of mums who can barely make their babies sleep more than two hours at a time.

tettoni Mon 31-Dec-12 21:29:06

Poor Visualise grin I remember when my DD was sleeping all night but waking at 5am, and it felt completely exhausting. It's all a matter of what you're used to. My tip for you is: go to bed early. It will pass.

Keznel Mon 31-Dec-12 21:34:55

Fish that sounds awful, but like the wise PP's have said it could happen to anyone, I really hope babyfish is ok and not in too much pain.

Teething episode over and DD seems to be back on track regards her sleeping she is going down at 7 and waking 1or2 times til midnight, then sleeping til 5am, which she has now decided is her new get up time! Just when you think you're getting somewhere! Have tried everything to get her back to sleep but alas no luck. I just think a 5am wake up won't be so bad when I go back to work in 6weeks as I'll be getting up at 6am anyway - there's always a silver lining grin

Happy New Year to all!

whoopwhoopbib Mon 31-Dec-12 22:05:30

Wow, just found this thread and am so pleased that it is quite 'normal' for a 9 month old to be waking frequently throughout the night.

DD used to sleep through on occasions and DP and I invented a rota where if she woke before 4am he would cuddle and re-settle and after 4am I would bf as I thought she might actually be hungry.

However although DP is still keeping to his side of the bargain DD has decided that whilst she appears to be asleep in his arms as soon as he puts her in the cot she is wide awake again and screaming. This can go on for 2 hours+ before he brings her to me as he has had enough and I have to feed her.

If anyone knows how to get her back into her cot I will be eternally grateful as co-sleeping isn't really an option as we don't have a spare bed for DP and ours isn't big enough for 3.

halfaglassofouzodestructo Tue 01-Jan-13 07:58:57

Finally catching up after Christmas. We were away for five nights during which dd's sleep got progressively worse, as the overstimulation and lack of routine got to her. Been back home 3 nights and as we've actually had almost two weeks with no teething or cold, thought we would start the new year with a but of night weaning. So I decided I'd feed first time she woke- usually about 10 and then send do in after that. And I am writing this now with a (probably misplaced!) Sense of optimism. So dd woke at 9.30 ish. I fed and she settled back to sleep. 2ND waking was11 so dh went in and some full on screaming ensured but only for just over 12 mins, after which she settled herself back to sleep. Sadly she was then awake 20 mins later but with another 15 mins if screaming, back to sleep. Next wake up was 3! No screaming but it took dh about 40 mins of sshing to get her sleeping. After which she sleepy till 7. Oh Mt God no feeding between 10 and 7! God knows whether this is really the beakthrough I'm hoping for as I'm sure she'll throw something else St us soon, but at least it won't just be me dealing with it anymo. re.g. Anyway thought if share the good news! Hope the new year brings sleeping babies for us all!

How old is yours again halfaglass? I keep making half-arsed attempts at nightweaning. I've got from 7-midnight a couple of nights now without feeding, but after that sticking a boob in is just too, too easy. I also keep hearing from various sources that seven months is too young for night weaning, but since there are those fabled babies who go 12 hours without a feed who are younger than mine...hmm

HearMyRoar Tue 01-Jan-13 09:23:17

dd seems to have started to drop some of her night feeds herself and now goes between about 12-6 without a feed, I think she has just finished a growth spurt. Unfortunatly she still wakes up, she just won't bloody feed back to sleep...whhaaaaaah sad Hope the night weaning works out better for you.

whoop is the sheet in the cot cold? dd hates sleeping on a cold sheet so she now sleeps on a fleecy blanket which seems to help with putting her down as it doesn't get as chilly in the night. You could also try putting a blanket round her before you put her down so she still feels snuggly and hugged once you let go. Just some ideas... I get a lot of practise at putting a baby down at the moment grin

I thought of a question I wanted to ask everyone lastnight but now I can't remember what it was...

blossombath Tue 01-Jan-13 09:31:23

grin at forgetful hear.

whoop does dd have a snuggly or cuddly toy? I find it much easier to transfer ds if I can shove his bedtime elephant in his arms as I lower him in.

Ds seems to randomly drop and then pick up feeds as his fancy takes him. Usually will go to about 1 before feeding, and the longer he can go the better it seems to be. But I agree that after a certain point feeding him bacl to sleep, if it works, is simply easiest option whether he really needs it or not

ScottLass Tue 01-Jan-13 14:06:36

Visualise - I was just reading this thread and thought I would respond to you as I can totally identify where you are coming from. My 10 month old DS never slept 7am-7pm but slept 7-4am, then up for a wee feed before going back to 7am. He then dropped his feed but would wake up early, any time between 4 and 6 am. He sometimes cried but would usually just chat and play in his cot (loudly!).

Initially I would go in and check he had his dummy and that his nappy didn't need changed, then leave. If he got hysterical I would go back in to settle him but in general I left him. Sometimes it would take an hour or more for him to get back to sleep. I would then wake him at around 7am so that his day wasn't too affected iyswim. If he didn't go back to sleep, I would try and keep him going as long as I could til his usual nap time of 9am. Some advice on early waking says to curb the nap, which I sometimes did, but if I am honest sometimes I did let him catch up on the sleep because I also know that overtiredness can lead to early waking. I felt that it was very much a catch 22 situation - if you try to keep them going til nap time and then curb their nap, it can lead to overtiredness (and early waking) but if you don't, advice will tell you that they won't learn to sleep later and will just take an extension of their night time sleep at nap time. I played it by ear each day but I did try to avoid a very early nap if possible.

Just now DS either wakes at 4/5 am for a bit and then go back to sleep (eventually!) or sleep til 6ish. He seems to do a few nights sleeping through and then a few with an early waking. I know how frustrating it can be! Fwiw I didn't feed DS until at least 6am and this helped him realise that when he woke at 4/5am it was still night time.

PM me if you want to chat - I tried to avoid reading all the early waking advice and just tried different things to see what suited him.

SayMama Tue 01-Jan-13 16:48:23

Glad it's not just me HearMyRoar grin

Elphaba I know what you mean! I'd kill to go back to the days of DD just waking once in the night!

Not a great day for me here. The tiredness is really starting to bite. It's been over six weeks now of cough cough cry, cough cough cry. Last night could've been good but some fucker decided not just to have a few fireworks at midnight, but a full on hour long 'display'. Which of course woke up DD1...then DD2...then set off neighbour's house alarm...I feel awful for DD but I feel pretty crap for myself too. I'm waaay oversensitive, just got 'told off' for want of a better expression on another thread because I misunderstood. Really not a big deal but am so tired it's making me tearful. On the plus side DH is off for a whole two weeks starting tomorrow! I just hope he really hasn't caught DD's cold (he's claiming to 'feel it brewing') he's crap at being poorly, never fucking shuts up about it.

SayMama Tue 01-Jan-13 16:51:56

Plus DD1 was given a 'poorly' baby doll for Christmas. She's currently playing with it and it's setting my teeth on edge. And DH has been locked in the kitchen batch cooking for the past two hours. Usefull I onow but I could really do without looking after DD2 right now. The whinging is getting too me sad

I'm sorry, pity party over!

whoopwhoopbib Tue 01-Jan-13 18:05:57

HearMyRoar I did wonder if the sheet felt cold on her head as she is in a grobag to try and stop her feeling the change in temperature. I think her main problem is the feeling of falling as we lower her into the cot but I can't think of a way round this.

blossom Dd doesn't have a cuddly but I think she should have one now shes less likely to put it over her face grin. I will try her with one tonight, first night of a new year and all that.

halfaglassofouzodestructo Tue 01-Jan-13 19:30:55

Sorry about all the typos in the last message - stupid phone. Elphaba, my DD is 9 1/2 months - in fact 10 months in the middle of next week - so a bit older than yours I think. I did feel she was ready to drop feeds - she's eating solids pretty well and I was occasionally getting away without feeding her back to sleep, but I had been (probably unduly) worried about her getting hungry. But she seemed fine this morning, and more enthusiastic about her morning feed and breakfast than she usually is, which is a bonus.

Hear that's my biggest worry about nightweaning - that she doesn't sleep any better, but we have no magic way of settling her. Fingers crossed when she stops getting milk, she decides to stop waking up. Well, we can but hope. Currently hoping that tonight is as relatively smooth as last night.

SayMama sorry to hear about the coughing. We too have had many a night where we anxiously listen to DD coughing over the monitor, praying that it doesn't actually wake her up. It is grim.

Hope everyone has good nights.

Suchanamateur Tue 01-Jan-13 19:33:34

Pity party here too. Back from the Xmas tour and DD completely beside herself. Will not settle. And I'm desperate to go to bed. Frankly makes me wonder whether its worth ever leaving home..

Saymama This godforsaken, bastard, arsehole, twattish (avert your gaze ladies) cunt of a cough is into its 12th week here. GP did prescribe antibiotics for it at one stage, which DS spat out, which then made me cry, but with the benefit of hindsight they wouldn't have done anything anyway. I think it's an evil virus going around, although GP has subsequently prescribed an inhaler for DS because he thinks it's asthma; it crossed my mind on a few occasions that it could feasibly be mild whooping cough. Whatevs - I think it's finally on its way out. He coughs more than he should I think, but at least I'm not having to hold him upright for an hour several times a night waiting for it to stop, nor is the cough waking him ten minutes after I've finally got him back in his cot.

As someone on the Health forum said to me when I went on there desperate for answers, 'you've just got to ride the mo fo out'.

HearMyRoar Tue 01-Jan-13 20:08:05

I think I might adopt 'you've just got to ride the mo fo out' as my mantra for surviving night waking grin

Despite having a great day with lots of fresh air and exercise, good healthy eating, and a lovely easy bed time following a long feed, dd has still woken up an hour after I put her down. Aargh! I can only conclude that nothing I do makes the smallest difference. Ho hum...

whoopwhoopbib Tue 01-Jan-13 20:53:38

halfaglass can i ask how many feeds your Dd has over 24 hours please?

My Dd is about a week younger than yours and has 4-5 bf a day and usually only one of these is during the night.

I am wondering how and when to drop feeds as she eats 3 good sized meals a day but i give her a feed inbetween instead of snacks.

After reading on here about giving protein etc for tea i have given it a go and will report back if she sleeps any better.

Suchanamateur Wed 02-Jan-13 14:05:33

Can I ask you all what you do about naps? I'm really keen to nightwean/ do some sort of sleep training (DD now nearly 11 months) but am paranoid that her night wakings are my fault because she doesn't get enough day sleep. Although the occasional days when she sleeps really well she certainly doesn't go through the night, so maybe not...

I try but can usually only get 20-30 mins max in am, approx 2.45/3 hrs after she wakes and then another nap 3 hrs later. If I am on hand to resettle that might last 1.5 hrs if Im lucky. Bedtime always early. Don't know if that's a normal amount of napping or what...

Ouzo how was night 2??

7mo DS is down to two naps a day now when he's at home. I waved the white flag a couple of months ago and just let him have them on me - he feeds to sleep and stays there. It's the only way I can get a nap longer than 20 minutes into him. Prior to this it was three 20 minute (max) naps in the pram after feeding me to sleep and me doing a stealthy transfer into the cot but he'd usually wake up grumpy and be a timebomb until I could get him asleep again.

On nursery days, they rock him to sleep in a pram and his naps will be anything from 15 minutes long (rolls eyes) to 40 minutes long. They'll do two or three naps with him like this - seems to be mainly two these days, though.

Neither makes the slightest, least difference to the quality (or lack thereof) of his nighttime sleep. All it might do is affect his bed time - if his last nap finished at 3pm, we start bedtime at 6:30, unless he starts getting sleepy earlier. Sometimes he refuses to nap after 1:30pm which means an extra early bedtime.

Mitsouko Wed 02-Jan-13 14:31:47

Hello ladies and Happy New Year! I haven't the time to catch up much, but just wanted to say hi and hope that you're all coping alright. We were away at the holidays and funny enough, DD usually sleeps better at GP's than an home. I think it's the sea air...

We had a couple of nights where she was doing a 3 hour chunk or two, without needing hourly resettling, which was great. She's definitely reduced the night feeding a bit, and has been pretty happy to go from 11-5 without milk. It's all the restlessness and frequent waking that is the killer. At least she's usually easy to settle, and a cuddle / shush pat / dummy will usually give us another hour or two in the night.

She is super desperate to crawl, or be on the move somehow. I'm hoping that once she's able to release more physical energy during the day that the nights will improve.

Keznel Wed 02-Jan-13 16:45:07

Mitsouko I was given that very same piece of advice today by a friend once DD starts crawling/moving etc she will expend more energy, nap better and therefore sleep the night through!! So I'm hanging on to that hope as I crawl round the floor like an idiot trying to show her what to do, she thinks it hilarious grin

suchanamateur naps are all over the place here DD is nearly 9months and according to anything I've read should nap twice a day 2-21/2 hrs total! But DD still likes napping x3. Depending on her wake time, and early waking is our problem at the mo (5am)! She will nap 30mins at some point in the morning I've tried dropping this nap but it didnt work!! Then she'll have a bottle at 10am and usually nap around 11-11.30 for an hour (in buggy or car), lunch at 1 then another nap at 2-2.30 of 1-1/2 hrs. I just wish she had set nap times and would nap in her cot. But I bet if she did she would still be waking through the night regardless confused

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