should i try to get ds out of our bed? and if so, how?

(21 Posts)
Spuddybean Thu 01-Nov-12 23:44:30

i've accidentally started co-sleeping with ds. We had a terrible birth and were in the hospital for a while, so ds was in the bed with me (as i was in too much pain to keep getting up). Same when we got home - i slept in the bed in the nursery with him for ease of bfing. When we tried to get him in his moses basket at 2wks old he wasn't having any of it. So still being in pain and needing sleep i kept taking him in the bed with me

Now he is 7 wks old and too big for the moses basket and still in the big bed with me. poor dp is in the nursery instead and i am missing him dreadfully.

We have the big cot up in the bedroom (at the foot of the bed) but ds wakes the moment we lay him in it. I am wondering if he is too young/small for the big cot.

So my question is how to get him out of the bed? and is he too small for the cot? I think maybe my problem is i don't want him that far away from me. I am looking at him curled up on me now and i can't bear the thought of him not being arms reach away. our bedroom is too small for a cot next to the bed.

My parents/family are pressuring me to get him out of the bed, and i am missing dp so much, that half of me wants it too (he works really long hours so the only time we have together is night, also i am completely alone in the day and do really want to just be near to another adult). But the other half of me wants this time that i will never get back with ds.

Does anyone know of any compromises? or have any advice?

We put DS into his cot from his first night home with one of these to promote feet to foot, so no, I don't think he's too small for the cot. In terms of getting him into it, if that's what you decide to do, have you tried wrapping him in a blanket, holding him until he's heavily asleep, then transferring him, blanket and all, into the cot so he takes your warmth/smell with him? Another suggestion people swear by is to put a hot water bottle in the cot where baby will lie, then remove it just before you put him in (asleep) so the transition in temperature doesn't wake him.

If you decide you want to keep him with you, try googling 'safe co-sleeping' which should throw up some tips about how you might be able to carry on co-sleeping while still having DP back in bed.

Fairylea Fri 02-Nov-12 06:12:28

Havre you tried swaddling with a vey large muslin and laying him down in the cot in that? Its the only way we could get ds to sleep anywhere that wasn't on us... ! I think it tricked him into thinking we werestill holding him especially as we wrapped him up after changing him and then fed him wrapped up, he went to sleep and we popped him down. He is now 5 months and sleeps in his own room in a Grobag from 6-5.30am smile

Chopstheduck Fri 02-Nov-12 06:16:28

Mine didn't like their cots at first, didn't like all that feeling of space and would just scream when I put them in it. We gradually weaned them into it by putting the moses basket into the cot and then after a few nights getting rid of the moses basket. Swaddling helped too. Some babies just don't adjust as quickly to the feeling of all that space aroudn them.

LucyBorgia Fri 02-Nov-12 06:21:19

Where does he sleep for his daytime naps?

Spuddybean Fri 02-Nov-12 11:19:28

thanks all.

i don't think it's the space because atm at night he sleeps laying on top of the duvet on a kingsize bed. i am on the other side so arms length away. altho he really likes sleeping on his tummy (he has reflux) so has now got used to sleeping face down on my chest.

he doesn't nap in the day really sad if so, it's on me, the moment i put him down he wakes up. unless i put him on his tummy, then he will snooze on the sofa.

i will try swaddling tho and the hot water bottle.

LucyBorgia Fri 02-Nov-12 13:01:42

Oh sweetheart you've got to get a bit tougher you won't survive being stuck to him constantly at the very least you need the golden hour during the day when he is asleep. I'm not the best to give you advice on how but I do know as time wears on you are going to need a break and naps in the day are as important for him as your ability to stay sane is for you both. Good luck wink

GobblersKnob Fri 02-Nov-12 13:06:31

I co-slept with both of mine until they were 3ish and wanted their own bed.

I wouldn't have done it any other way, but you have to decide what's right for you. If you want him to sleep elsewhere all wel and good but don't listen to any bollocks about it being a 'rod for your own back' or that you will make him 'clingy' if you should decide to carry on sleeping with him, it's all utter shite. Your baby, your choice.

Is there a reason why you arn't all in the bed? We just all slept together from day one.

LucyBorgia Fri 02-Nov-12 13:38:29

I didn't mean she shouldn't co sleep if she wants to but she should be able to have an hour or two off being a human mattress during the day at least. While we often end up with all four of us in the bed and I love it (when I don't have a foot in my ear or up my nose) I also love cuddling up with my dh after a long day being mummy and daddy to just be us.

GobblersKnob Fri 02-Nov-12 13:47:25

Sorry LucyBorgia, I wasn't aiming my post to you at all, if fact I hadn't actually read what you had written blushgrin

In her op spuddy was refering to pressure from family/parents which is what I was refering to smile

LucyBorgia Fri 02-Nov-12 13:59:41

No worries gobblers didn't take offence. grin

TheNameisNOTZiggy Fri 02-Nov-12 14:01:50

7 weeks is still early days. Don't bow to pressure from well meaning family & friends. Your baby, your life.
Fwiw we co slept from early on because it meant we could continue bf & I could still get some rest. I reckon I get much more sleep than some of the other mums I know. Also be aware that many DPs end up sleeping in the spare room on week nights for the first few years!, let alone at 7 weeks grin
! Someone needs to have enough sleep to function, make decisions & of course he needs to go to work. My DP sleeps with us a couple of nights every week & our bed is not that big.
Co sleeping works for us. Our HV was v supportive too. Don't feel guilty. Tbh I just don't mention it to family. Avoids the issue of feeling judged!!

Re daytime naps - well it is early days & eventually LO will nap without you. They will fall asleep on the boob & allow u to transfer them or they will fall asleep in the buggy whilst on a walk or they will be an amazing baby & just drift off when they are tires. After a walk I used to run home, leave him in the front garden or hallway & have a lie down on the sofa or write some emails. It was bliss having time to myself.
However at your stage I often wore him in a sling at home. Was a sanity saver. I highly recommend the Hana Baby wrap sling (google it).
Until 4 months Our LO slept on a cocoonababy mattress when he was not co sleeping. I put it in the big cot. The cocoonababy helpt mimic the womb. Again google it. He loved it.

7 weeks is early so don't put yourself under pressure. Everything will work out in time.
Re needing adult company - are there any playgroups near you? NCT run an under ones play group once a week near here. For £2 LO gets to lie on a different floor, I get a coffee & biscuit and the chance to chat to other mums. There is also a council run 1 o'clock club with a sensory room & toys. It is worth checking these things out as seeing other adults in a similar situation does help save your sanity & help you realise you are normal!!!

Good luck. Do what is best for you and trust your instincts.

Spuddybean Sat 03-Nov-12 12:52:16

thanks all.

gobblers - the reason we arent together is because ds sleeps on dp's side of the bed, he takes up 2 thirds of the bed. we lay him on top of the covers then i get under the covers next to him. i would like us to all be in together but i don't know how to do it safely. dp is a big bloke and i'm not small so there isn't much room.

Also as NOTziggy said - dp needs his sleep, he works really long hours.

i joined an nct antenatal group who meet every weds for an hour. but i might look at one with stuff for babies. after jabs we will be doing little turtles smile

i dont drive so it is really hard to get out and about and i spend loads on taxi's sad

i will look at the cacoonababy, is it the one about £120?

thanks again. i would love to co sleep for longer i think. i just don't know how and because it happened naturally without conscious thought i worry we aren't being safe. i shall do some googling i think.

TheNameisNOTZiggy Sat 03-Nov-12 20:31:14

Spuddy your HV should have a leaflet on safe co sleeping. Mine gave it to me. I think it was written by UNICEF.
We use sheets & blankets. It is safer than a duvet. I sleep like a "C" around LO with DP behind me.
If you are BF it is meant to be quite safe as you are in tune with baby. But sleep between baby & DP.
If you are worried about baby falling out of bed can you push the bed against a wall? Or how about getting a Babydan bed guard?

TheNameisNOTZiggy Sat 03-Nov-12 20:33:30

This is the cocoonababy
http://www.babyreflux.co.uk/products/Red-Castle-COCOONaBABY.html
It was £99 when we got it in may. Baby can use it until they are about 4 months - when they can roll.

InABloodyRut Sat 03-Nov-12 20:35:18

I co slept with all my DC's. The youngest until they were 12 months, I stopped bf'ing then and they went into their own rooms. They are older now and almost every night end up back in bed with me before it is light out.

Slept on my side, with arm out. Our subconscious knows that there is a small there so we are never fully asleep.

Spuddybean Sat 03-Nov-12 22:17:31

that's my concern really, sadly i'm not fully bfing (long story short, left boob doesn't work and ds prefers the bottle and has reflux so needs gaviscon, so i express during the day, bf at night - altho thats becoming less successful) so don't know if ds and i are in 'sync' enough to co sleep.

Spuddybean Sat 03-Nov-12 23:29:57

oh sorry, meant to say i top up with formula as well.

TheNameisNOTZiggy Fri 09-Nov-12 22:19:02

Btw spuddy if one boob does not work there is no reason you cannot fully feed off the other boob... People with twins succeed. I say that as someone who had to pump for weeks to increase my supply, 4-8 times a day pumping was a real PIA but we got there - no more formula now!.
If you need support I recommend la Leche league. As a group giving local support, in addition to a national helpline, they are great. (they may know the answer re safe co sleeping when doing mixed feeding)
Hope you are ok.

HalleLouja Sun 11-Nov-12 19:03:09

Google bedside cribs we had a bednest and it was amazing we got ours second hand and they really hold their value. We ended with a bedside cot when she was too big.

TheNameisNOTZiggy Mon 12-Nov-12 21:09:54

I bought an arms reach bedside co sleepee crib from eBay. Has been amazing.

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