Support thread for sleep deprived parents doing or considering CC

[babybouncer]

Seeing as our last thread got a little hijacked off track, a new one seemed a excellent idea.

DD is 7months old and I'm about to start night 2. Last night took 90mins to settle, including a longish quiet time. This afternoon's nap took a long time, but in both cases she slept week once asleep.

Fingers crossed for tonight!

Ps please don't post any anti-cc comments - it's not something a parent does lightly so I ask that you respect our decision.

[Lifeisontheup]

Not sure if it helps but I did CC on all my three, they are now 16,19 and 20. So far they are not in therapy, sleep well (far too well!) are articulate, happy and have a good relationship with both parents and their peers. They seemed to be happy, unstressed toddlers and school children who coped with whatever life throws at them calmly and cheerfully. I know it's only anecdotal but my experience is that it worked (in less than a week ) and they were none the worse for it. Good luck all of you.
PS and none of them remember it.

[babybouncer]

Night 2 took 25ish min and she was fast asleep. Woke a 11 for milk and went straight back to sleep and I is feeding now. Seems a much healthier gap between feeds than the 45-90 mins we'd had for the previous month!

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Good work I was partly to blame for the mayhem. I do apologise. I really hope it (or anything!) works for you! x

[babybouncer]

Wow, went to sleep without crying again and only just woke up. It seems crazy, but the first falling asleep of the night seems to be the key to all her other going back to sleeps.
I'm so glad I don't feel like a zombie today - I'm meeting a friend who is pregnant with her first and I really didn't want to scare her!

[MummyVicky18]

I'm interested to see how you get on. I've been considering CC but I think ds is still too young. But I'm so sleep deprived I've had to settle him every 2 hours and I've been up since 3 on this last stretch. I'm getting to the point where I can't take it anymore as this is a regular occurrence.

[Notafoodbabyanymore]

I managed to deflect the heat from you on the last thread and onto myself for admitting that I'd allowed my daughter to (shock, horror) CRY IT OUT!!!

I totally understand this is not an easy decision, but is necessary for some of us. Well done for sticking with it, glad to hear things are going well for you.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Well done OP, sounds like you are getting there.

We did it earlier with our DS afraid to say how early after the last thread and I am really glad we did, it was right for us. He has been a good sleeper since and even at 4.5 he is good at bedtime.

It sounds like you are doing this anyway, but I found that ensuring there was a bed routine helped; so music on, curtains shut, sleeping bag on esp during the day.

Hope it keeps working. Longer periods of sleep await you!

[ElphabaTheGreen]

MummyVicky Maybe try gradual withdrawal first? That's what I've been doing with my DS since he was just after 4 months. It's a longer process - it's still ongoing as we speak over a month later, but things are MUCH better than they were. Prior to starting I had been having about three broken hours sleep a night for almost two months and since he won't nap for longer than 30 mins during the day I was getting no catch-up sleep. It's basically letting them cry but staying with them the whole time, giving pats, kisses, comfort etc. DS still wakes three times a night for a big feed each time, which is still a bit exhausting, but age-appropriate so I don't mind (for now), but I can now put him in his cot afterwards and know he'll settle himself to sleep if he wakes up for non-hungry reasons within about 5 minutes, without needing the boob and holding, holding, holding, white noise, holding, holding, holding...

[appleandplum]

I have just started tonight to try some sort of cc with my 9month old. He is mixed fed and has really only ever fed to sleep (apart from in car/pushchair). Tonight he cried for about 30 mins with me going in every few mins but got worse and worse and wouldn't even calm down when i patted/stroked him. I eventually gave in and held him till he went to sleep as i couldn't take the crying any more (dh working away so on my own, with 3 other dc's to tidy up from). I feel this is an improvement as at least not bf to sleep - or am i just kidding myself?

[MummyVicky18]

elphabathegreen that sounds like it might be better. So you just stay with him throughout him crying & reassure him (not picking him up) Do I just perceiver even if there are tears/hysterical crying? Coz that's what he does until he's picked up/fed usually.

DS is nearly 5 months and will only go to sleep bf & he's waking every 2 hours. DH seems unable to settle DS either so it's all on me atm and I'm exhausted

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Yes Mummy. To my surprise when we did it, we never got hysterical crying (which I'd braced myself for and was dreading). He was more irate and shouty, which actually subsided after 15-20 minutes when he started fiddling (sheet, stuffed dog, hands, mobile which was instantly taken down, never to be seen again) and humming irritably. He oscillated between these states, throwing in the odd cheesy grin and latest gymnastic feat, for about two hours before finally waving the white flag, sticking his fingers in his mouth and knocking off. We got this for about three nights in a row at one a fecking m. I did cave on night two because I was convinced he'd descended into hysterical crying, but DH assured me after the fact that he really hadn't and that I was somewhat 'coloured' by the preceding weeks of outrageous fatigue. I got back on the horse the following night, and within a week he was able to fall asleep in his cot within 5-10 mins with one of us patting, maybe kissing his lovely-smelling cheek occasionally and clutching his blankets so he didn't kick them off again and again and again.

When I say it's a work in progress, DS is at the stage now where your DC is - he wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed, which is only up to me, being the one with the, ahem, equipment. Prior to this he was awake 4-5 times a night and needed holding for half an hour or more before I could get him back in his cot, so I was getting 30 mins of 'sleep' between each waking. Hideous.

I'm not willing to start trying to drop the night feeds until after he's six months and we see what effect solids and nursery (starting 3 half days a week on Monday) have on him as he has proper, both sides feeds each time during the night, not just a resettling nibble the way some babies do. If that was all he did, I'd probably do more of the same to try and sort it. He feeds every 1-1.5 hours during the day so he is a hungry Horace and obviously needs the calories. He only naps for half an hour each time during the day, but this has also improved since starting training - they were previously only ever on me and he'll now have them in his pram or in his cot. I do still feed to sleep - the main difference is I can now get him straight into his cot or pram and know he'll stay there, even if he wakes up a bit during the transfer (much more so at night than during the day - I don't tend to push it so much during the day, prioritising the night sleeping). We haven't had one of his awful, awful one-hour-plus overtired tantrums since starting. Those really did upset me and were one of the reasons I decided to use an approach involving crying - after PUPD and plain old pat-shh didn't work - as I really didn't see how anything could be worse for him (or me) than that. I was also not going to last physically or emotionally to see if he'd 'sort himself out'.

So still a bit to iron out over time, but huge improvements on what it was and I've got a strategy which I'm happy with, and that he now recognises if I want to start addressing other areas.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Oops. Overkill on the old strikethru there. Dunno what happened. Blame the sleep deprivation

[babybouncer]

Tonight dd fell asleep with absolutely no crying. A few moans sleepy noises only. She'd had three naps - one while out in pushchair, one with no crying in cot and one which took 30 mins. It is now 4am and this is the first time she's woken up. I've just had 6 hours sleep - and there's still more nighttime left!

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Well done! I bet you don't recognise yourself.

[Notafoodbabyanymore]

Best feeling ever! Well done you.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

If anyone's still on this, what do you do in the case of illness? DS has a cold at the moment. When he finished feeding I put him straight into his cot, but he immediately woke up and screamed like the bad old days, and it just got worse so I've cuddled him into a deep sleep the way I used to, rather than riding it out and patting/shushing. For those on here that have gone through anything like CC or gradual withdrawal, is it a return to square one or do they settle more easily again once they're feeling better? I don't know if I could cope with doing it all over again

[BlingLoving]

Elphaba : there was always an element of 2 steps forward, 1 1/2 steps back for us. But... I reminded myself that a) things do get better and b)it was still an improvement

Not that ds' sleep is perfect now but it's better. We did as little as possible while he was sick/teething but accepted he would need more cuddles from us than we were aiming for.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

It's all gone Pete Tong here with this cold. I've had to hold him into a deep sleep after each of his three to four wakenings the last two nights and I haven't had more than an hour and a half of unbroken sleep in that time (and, yes, I've got his cold as well so feeling utterly miserable). We're going to have to start the training again once his cold has cleared because sitting and holding him when I can barely keep my eyes open is utter, utter torture, and then when I've gone through all of that only to have him wake and scream again when I haven't got the timing quite right...similarly I'm sick at the thought of having to redo the training.

Please tell me it doesn't take as long if you have to repeat it...?

[Seriouslysleepdeprived]

I think it depends on how long they are ill for. DS had one cold & was disrupted but went back to his good sleep pattern, with a bit of re-shh-ing. Much to my relief.

He then got another cough/cold & a tummy bug & would only sleep on me/with me (if at all). We had a week of him literally not sleeping from 10pm to 3-4am. It was awful.

We've now gone back to the constant waking that we had before. It makes me feel sick thinking we are back to that, so im sleep training again to try & improve things.

On day three and he woke at 11,1.30, 3, 5 but settled relatively quickly. Not great but he's back in the cot. I'm not doing CC as its not for me. Think the gradual withdrawal takes but bit longer but at least I know he's trainable IYSWIM.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Gradual withdrawal is what we've done with DS in the past and what I'll have to do again once this lurgy has passed. Haven't ruled out CC entirely, but it will be a last resort if things are still horrendous by the time I go back to work in the new year.

God, it's like a rock and a hard place, isn't it? The horror of repeated wakenings and forcing yourself to stay awake and permanent zombie-like state versus the hideousness of sleep training. Has no one found the shut down switch yet?

[MillionPramMiles]

Hi all - am looking for a bit of advice from those who have had to do the hard slog of CC....
After 3 months of 1-2 hourly waking every night (and a minor nervous breakdown by me :0... My 6 month old dd now tends to settle herself to sleep when first put down at night and will more often than not settle herself back to sleep during the night too. i didnt really do CC as such, but i started going into her less or taking longer to go in, simply through sheer exhaustion. There are very few meltdowns or prolonged crying sessions during the night now.

BUT her daytime napping is still terrible (always has been), only half hour in the morning and half hour in the afternoon. I'd be happy to play with her all day if that was all the sleep she needed but she gets very tired and grisly. If I leave her in her cot she really starts crying and I cave in and take her out. (Pram, car seat and sling have never worked, the cot seems to be the only option).
If I do CC during the day, I'm worried dd will find being in her cot stressful and start not sleeping at night again. She has cuddly toys she likes to cuddle in her cot (have tried to make it a nice place to be...).

Ay tips, advice or reassurance gratefully received...

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Hi MillionPram - I couldn't face the crying by day as well as by night. I've detailed my nap strategy here on another thread.

[MillionPramMiles]

Thanks elphaba - that link takes me to your earlier post on this thread, is that what you meant?
I've tried staying with dd if she cries but usually she just cries more. If I leave her for a few minutes she's more likely to wind down and go to sleep. We even have a camera in her room so I can see if she's really upset or just calling out while playing with her bunnies :)
It took 45 mins of shush pat this afternoon but eventually she went back to sleep for an hour....am grateful for that!

[ElphabaTheGreen]

No, sorry. Eejit functioning on very little sleep. This one.

[MillionPramMiles]

Thx elphaba, sound advice re the daytime routine. I do try to put dd down every 2 hours ish, usually only after a feed though. Also have sleep associations (music box, bunny etc). She usually goes down ok but is wide awake after half an hour and its a real battle getting her down again.
Totally agree with your other post btw, I don't think there is any real sleep solution that doesn't involve crying and the meltdowns from tiredness are worse.