Nothing works with my 10mo old DS-- Please Help!

(68 Posts)
IHeartCake Tue 09-Oct-12 10:50:05

My DS is the most wonderful sweet little boy in the entire world all day but he is a total terror all night. He regularly wakes 5-8x a night at 10mo old. We have NEVER had that one magical night where he slept through. Nope. The BEST we have ever had was ONCE when he woke 3xs. Bliss.

We have tried everything. CC. GW. Going with the Flow, etc. He doesn't seem to respond to anything and will just keep waking up night after night and crying for hours. If I am there or if I am not.
My DH and I are on our knees.

What I'd like to know is there anyone else out there like this? What did you do/ are you doing?

And 2, did anyone's else's baby just get better. Not if there were already pretty good (i.e. waking 3 xs a night) but if they were as awful as mine and poof one day they just got better. Please someone tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel.
And this is my 2nd kid! I thought I had it all figured out. HA!

forevergreek Tue 23-Oct-12 15:01:32

I would recommend controlled crying. You can leave v small spaces between leaving them. I have done pop in cot, quick reassurance ad leave. 30 seconds on timer on phone, return, reassure ( do not pick up!), leave. Repeat. It can go on for ages the first evening, but having had some bad sleepers as a nanny, the longest this has gone on was exactly 27 mins.

Some people leave a min/2 mins/ 5 mins before returning, so pick what you are happy with. Personally I do 30secs, and if I know the child well and can tell by cries it is subsiding I might change to 1 min gaps.

When stopped I always return, reassure and say goodnight/ kiss when they are calm and ready to sleep as a way of showing that someone will still return even when not screaming

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Tue 23-Oct-12 16:09:30

I've already tried CC twice - the first night went ok but then it resulted in absolute hysterics that couldn't be consoled for over an hour. Neither of us were ready for that - and she was a lot more clingy (and woke MORE) in the ensuing days and nights. If we're still like this after Christmas I'll give it a go again (worked at bedtime for DS when he was 10months) but right now DD isn't a good baby to try it on

IHeartCake Tue 23-Oct-12 19:26:32

have you tried GW? It worked really well with my much more sensitive and clingy DD

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Wed 24-Oct-12 05:50:02

Tried it a few months ago. Might be worth a try again soon though. Our problem is we have to share a room with her until end of November - I've no idea WHAT sleep training recommends what to do in that scenario!

Pugless Wed 24-Oct-12 07:46:43

My ds is exactly the same hes my 3rd dc its so much harder this time. Ds1 slept through from 6weeks old. Dd was a nightmare and didnt sleep through until she was 18months shes nearly 3 and still has one night a week where she wont sleep she has a couple if hours then shes done. Ds2 is 10month he will go to bed no problem (half the battle) but he takes a bottle for comfort. He sleeps at most for 4solid hours and then thats it. It can range from every hour to every couple if hours. We have tried cc a few times and nothings working. Im the one thats getting up as dp works long shifts and ds will only settle for me. Spoke to hv not helpful at all basically told me u shoukd know what im doing as its my 3rd. So it looks like im going to have to ride it out until ds decides hes ready to sleep through.

IHeartCake Wed 24-Oct-12 13:05:58

In the end, I ended up moving my 3yr old DD onto a camp bed in our room and 10mo old DS into her room. I really had to do that to have the discipline I needed to finish the sleep training.

He slept through last night BTW for the first time ever!!! grin

It would not have worked if I didn't couple it with night weaning. I really think that is key.

But, Mousey, if it helps you, when DS was in our room, we ended up stringing a clothes line across the room and pinning up a sheet. It did help that he couldn't see us. We also slept on a blow up bed in the living room for 3 nights when we (stupidly one week before holiday) first tried sleep training. Worth a try?

Pugless have you tried night weaning? Might work for you too and you can do it gently. You don't have to go cold turkey.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Wed 24-Oct-12 14:23:35

Anything is worth a try!! We have back to back visitors til the end of November and our lovely open plan house makes all noise travel and reverberate around hmm

Sat up with her now. She's been awake since 5, desperate to sleep but nothing is working ( haven't fed her). I literally don't know what to do!

Pugless Thu 25-Oct-12 07:26:24

iheartcake whats night weaning? (I know i sound thick blush i need to do something he was up 5 times last night. Dp thinks ds is hungry and wants to introduce supper at around 7pm ds has tea at 4.30/5. Hes not realy having a proper nap he mite drop off if were out in the car.

IHeartCake Thu 25-Oct-12 09:45:46

Mousey yeah that's hard b/c at the end of the day you aren't going to want to disturb them in the middle of the night with crying. It'll be easy to lose resolve.
Ok. This is what I would do.
1. string up a clothes line between your bed and the cot so that she can't see you. You can always take it down in the night if it's not working but at least you'll have some sort of barrier b/w you if you do want to leave her for 3 mins or so to see if she resettles.

2. Work on teaching her to fall asleep without feeding to sleep. Even if you still get the night wakings, you'll be halfway there if you can get to the point where you can put her down awake and walk out of the room. You won't have to worry about disturbing people in the middle of the night and you can spend the next month doing it gradually. That way you feel like you are being proactive and making a positive change.
Millpond (with my variations) says to do this:
Nights 1-3- rock to sleep. hold 10 mins once asleep then put down gently.
Nights 4-6- hold whilst sitting still. hold 10 mins once asleep then put down gently.
Nights 7-9- lie side by side on cot mattress on the floor. stay 10 mins once asleep then creep out.
Nights 10-12- sit beside cot til asleep. comfort however you want through bars but don't pick up.
Nights ... move gradually away. I found I didn't need to stay at all after night 12.

You never know. Nights might improve.

Pugless- Night weaning is when you stop feeding them i the middle of the night. If you are using a bottle, try replacing 1/2-1oz per night with water until it is just water. Then you can be confident to know that you haven't gone cold turkey and they are not hungry. They have gradually had less milk so have gotten used to it.
Believe me, I tried EVERYTHING with my son and the only thing that has worked is to get rid of the nighttime milk feeds. what do you think?

Pugless Thu 25-Oct-12 10:14:14

Its something i will try because its the only thing that will settle him during the night. He has just gone down for a nap without a bottle. So if i give him a 8oz bottle to go to bed with tonight then when he wakes for a bottle give him a 7oz bottle and so on (apologies if im not quite getting what you mean blush

Pugless Thu 25-Oct-12 10:17:31

Sorry just read my post back and it doesnt make sense. When ds wakes in the night he wont settle back down without a bottle and he then falls asleep on the bottle. But he has just gone for a nap without needing a bottle to fall asleep on.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Thu 25-Oct-12 13:44:27

Thanks IHeart

Will give your plan a try. Trouble at the moment is even rocking/cuddling doesn't work. No matter what method I use to calm her down, she's awake and crying again within minutes. This goes on for 2hours + every night.

I think she's an insomniac - she's just so angry that she's not asleep. But will give your method a go, even if it takes 2hours to get her to sleep!

IHeartCake Thu 25-Oct-12 15:27:49

the continuing to hold her for 10mins is KEY. It allows them to get into a deep sleep. If you try to put her down after 2 mins, yes she will wake and cry. For my daughter, once she learned to fall asleep without motion but still in my arms, she started to wake less in the evening. It was at the point where she'd wake and cry every 10-20mins all evening. Brutal! (btw, ideally you'd do the same thing for every waking so that you are being consistent but I completely understand the guests thing)

Fantastic news! If he fell asleep for nap w/o bottle then he can do it!
As for night weaning. No it does like this...
Night one- 7 oz bottle x 2 or 3 times in the night. like 10, 1 & 4. The other wake ups you do some GW or CC (there'll have to be some tears I think sooner or later sad).
Night 2- 6 oz bottle
Night 3- 5oz bottle. and so on and so forth...

Pugless Thu 25-Oct-12 15:36:44

I get it now (sound of the penny dropping) grin i will give it a try. Thank you for your help.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Thu 25-Oct-12 20:29:58

Ok, DH is going to have to take up the slack this weekend so I'm rested enough to cope on my own next week. My best friend is visiting from Saturday but she'll understand.

DH can then move into DS' room while I try out your plan above. I know it won't be as easy as getting her to sleep, hold her for 10mins then put her down because she often remakes before I've even thought about putting her down! If there is no improve,ent or I haven't been able to move to the next stage at the end of next week, I have 4 days between guests so might give CC another bash, seeing as we can be in separate rooms.

I am not as exhausted as I thought I'd be but feeling incredibly low and depressed because of the sleep deprivation sad

IHeartCake Sat 27-Oct-12 20:23:58

Hows it going pugless?

Good luck Mousey. I hope it works. Something's been playing on my mind. You said she wakes a few minutes after she falls asleep even if she's in your arms... I think that sounds like OT. What are her naps like at the mo? How much awake time before bed?

BTW, mine has fallen apart (and it was never that together!). 2hrs of crying from 2-4am last night. sad
Don't know why or what to do but really worried it'll happen again tonight. Why won't he just sleep!!!

Pugless Sun 28-Oct-12 09:08:55

Hi things are alott better were down to two wake ups grin we started giving ds supper at around 7ish hes goin to bed around 730 with a 6oz bottle. He then wakes about 1 then its around 4:30/5 another bottle then sleep until 7ish. This morning was earlier 5:45 but thats due to the clocks goin back (so to ds it was 6:45). He has porridge when he gets up at 7 then hes ready for a nap at 9 which means i can do the housework without trying to keep a 10month old entertained. So on the whole things are alot better. But tonight could be a totally different night.

iheart theres nothing worse than waking up tired and already dreading the night to come. We have had some shocking nights with ds and ive always think the same why wont he just sleep.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Sun 04-Nov-12 15:51:24

I purposefully haven't updated in a whole for fear of jinxing the sudden good sleep we were getting - DD did 4 nights sleeping through 7-7 aside from ocassionally waking and finding her dummy herself. Last three nights back to old ways though and thanks to my dickhead neighbour revving his car constantly at 3am neither she nor I have slept properly since

I am broken sad

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